


Storms & Torrential Rain (Bully - Fall Away #1)

by paperballthoughts



Series: The Fall Away Series [1]
Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:08:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 58,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26521153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperballthoughts/pseuds/paperballthoughts
Summary: My name is Josie. She doesn't call me that, though. She would never refer to me so informally, if she referred to me at all. No, she’ll barely even speak to me.But she still won't leave me alone.We were best friends once. Then she turned on me and made it her mission to ruin my life. I've been humiliated, shut out, and gossiped about all through high school. Her pranks and rumors got more sadistic as time wore on, and I made myself sick trying to stay out of her way. I even went to France for a year, just to avoid her.But I'm done hiding from her now, and there's no way in hell I'll allow her to ruin my senior year. She might not have changed, but I have. It's time to fight back.I'm not going to let her bully me anymore.-or simply,The Bully AU
Relationships: Hope Mikaelson & Josie Saltzman, Hope Mikaelson/Josie Saltzman, Milton "MG" Greasley & Lizzie Saltzman
Series: The Fall Away Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1928437
Comments: 251
Kudos: 450





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you’re here from “you’re the one that i want,” hello lol. it’s the same universe as that one but this will be in josie’s pov all throughout.

**One Year Ago**

“No! Turn here,” Lizzie shrieked in my right ear.

The tires of my dad’s Bronco screeched with the sudden, short turn onto a car-packed street.

“You know, maybe you should’ve just driven like I suggested,” I blurted out, even though I never liked anyone else to drive when I was in the car.

As if reading my mind, Lizzie responded, "And have you bury your face in your hands every time I don't launch myself through every yellow light? Not."

I smiled to myself. My best friend knew me too well. I liked to drive fast. I liked to move fast. I walked as quickly as my legs could take me, and I drove as speedily as was reasonable. I rushed to every stop sign and red light. Hurry up and wait, that was me.

But hearing the pounding rhythm of the music in the distance, I had no desire to rush any further. The lane was lined with car after car, displaying the magnitude of the party we were crashing. My hands clenched the steering wheel as I squeezed into a spot a block away from the party.

“Lizzie? I don’t think this is a good idea,” I declared…again.

“It’ll be fine, you’ll see.” She patted my leg. “Ethan invited MG. MG invited me, and I’m inviting you.” Her calm, flat tone did nothing to ease the tightness in my chest.

Unfastening my seatbelt, I looked over to her. “Well, just remember…if I get uncomfortable, I’m gone. You catch a ride with MG.”

We climbed out and jogged across the street. The party ruckus amplified the closer we got to the house.

“You’re not going anywhere. You leave in two days, and we’re having fun. No matter what.” Her threatening voice shook my already unsteady nerves.

As we walked up the driveway, she trailed behind me. Texting MG, I assumed. Her boyfriend had arrived earlier, having spent most of the day with his friends at the lake while Lizzie and I shopped.

Red Solo cups littered the lawn, and people filtered in and out of the house, enjoying the balmy summer night. Several guys I recognized from school lunged out of the front door, chasing each other and sloshing drinks in the process.

“Hey, Lizzie. How’s it going, Josie?” Maya Machado sat inside the front door with a drink in hand, chatting with a boy I didn’t know. “Drop your keys in the bowl,” she instructed, returning her attention to her company.

Taking a moment to process her request, I realized she was making me surrender my keys.

I guess she wasn’t letting anyone drive drunk tonight.

“Well, I won’t be drinking,” I shouted over the music.

“And you might change your mind,” she challenged. “If you want in, I need your keys.”

Annoyed, I dug into my bag and dropped my set into the bowl. The thought of giving up one of my lifelines irritated the hell out of me. Not having my keys meant I wouldn’t be able to leave quickly if I wanted to. Or needed to. What if she got drunk and left her post? What if someone accidentally took my keys? I suddenly remembered my mom, who used to tell me to stop asking “what if” questions. What if Disneyland is closed for cleaning when we get there? What if every store in town ran out of gummi bears? I bit my lip to stifle a laugh, remembering how annoyed she would get with my endless questions.

“Wow,” Lizzie shouted in my ear, “look at it in here!”

People, some classmates and some not, bounced to the music, laughing and living it up. The hair on my arms stood on end at the sight of all the bustle and enthusiasm. The floors echoed the beat coming from the speakers, and I was speechless at the sight of so much activity in one space. People danced, horse-played, jumped, drank, and played football…yes, football, in the living room.

“She better not ruin this for me,” I said, the force of my voice sounding more forceful than usual. Enjoying one party with my best friend before I left town for a year wasn't asking too much.

Shaking my head, I looked to Lizzie, who winked knowingly at me. I motioned towards the kitchen, and we both slithered our way, hand in hand, through the thick crowd.

Entering the huge, every-mom’s-dream kitchen, I spied the makeshift bar on the center island. Bottles of liquor covered the granite top along with two liters of soda, cups and a bucket of ice in the sink. Blowing out a breath, I resigned to keep with my commitment to stay sober tonight. Getting drunk was tempting. What I wouldn’t give to just let go for one night.

Lizzie and I had sampled our parents’ liquor stashes here and there, and I’d been to a few concerts out of town where we’d partied a bit. However, it was out of the question to be off my guard around some of these people tonight.

“Hey, Josie! Come here, girl.” Kym Hawkins grabbed me in a hug before I reached the bar. “We’re going to miss you, ya know. France, huh? For a whole year?” My shoulders relaxed as I hugged Kym back, my muscles less tense than when I walked in. At least one other person here besides Lizzie was excited to see me.

“That’s the plan.” I nodded, letting out a sigh. “I’m set up with a host family and already registered for classes. I’ll be back for senior year, though. Will you save me a spot on the team?”

Kym was vying for captain of the cross-country team this fall, and competing was one experience in high school that I would miss.

“If I’m captain, honey, your spot is secure,” she boasted animatedly, clearly drunk. Kym had always been nice to me despite the rumors that followed me year to year and the embarrassing pranks that reminded everyone why I was a joke.

“Thanks. I’ll see you later?” I inched towards Lizzie.

“Yeah, but if I don’t see you, good luck in France,” Kym shouted as she danced her way out of the kitchen.

Watching her leave, my face quickly fell. Dread crawled its way through my chest and down to my stomach.

No, no, no….

Hope walked into the kitchen, and I froze. She was exactly the person I’d hoped not to see tonight. Her eyes met mine with surprise followed by immediate displeasure.

Yep. I’m totally familiar with that look. The I-can’t-stand-the-fucking-sight-of-you-so-get-off-my-planet look.

Her jaw clenched, and I noticed how her chin lifted slightly as if she had just put on her “bully” mask. I couldn’t seem to catch my breath.

The familiar pounding in my chest echoed in my ears, and a hundred miles away sounded like a really nice place to be right now.

Was it too much to ask that I had one night of normal teenage fun to myself?

There were so many times when we were kids, growing up next door to each other, that I thought Hope was the greatest. She was sweet, generous, and friendly. And the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen.

Her rich, auburn hair still complimented her olive skin, and her stunning smile—when she smiled—demanded undivided attention. Guys and girls were too busy watching her in the hallway at school that they ran into walls. Like actually ran into walls.

But that kid was long gone now.

Quickly turning away, I found Lizzie at the bar and tried to fix myself a drink, despite my shaking hands. Actually, I just poured a Sprite, but the red cup would look like I was drinking. Now that I knew she was here, I needed to stay sober around the asshole.

She walked around to the bar and stood right behind me. A nervous heat ran through my body at her proximity. The muscles in her chest rubbed against the thin fabric of my tank top, and a shockwave burst from my chest to my stomach. Calm down. Calm the hell down!

Scooping up some ice and adding it to my drink, I forced my breathing in and out slowly. I maneuvered to the right to get out of her way, but her arm shot out to grab a cup and blocked my passage. As I tried to squeeze out to the left next to Lizzie, her other arm reached out to grab the Jack Daniels.

Ten different scenarios ran through my head of what I should do right now. What if I elbowed her in the gut? What if I threw my drink in her face? What if I took the sink hose and …?

Oh, never mind. In my dreams, I was much braver. In my dreams, I might take an ice cube and do things God didn’t intend a sixteen year old girl to do just to see if I could make her cool demeanor falter. What if? What if?

I had planned on keeping my distance from her tonight, and now she was positioned right at my back. Hope did things like this just to intimidate me. She wasn’t scary, but she was cruel. She wanted me to know she was in control. Time after time, I let the jerk force me into hiding just so I wouldn’t have to endure any embarrassment or upset. Enjoying at least one party had been my top priority all summer, and now here I was again, dreadful anticipation twisting me into knots. Why didn’t she just leave me alone?

Turning around to face her, I noticed the corners of her mouth turned up. The smile was lost on her eyes, though, as she poured a hefty serving of alcohol into her cup.

“Lizzie? Pour some Coke into here, please.” Hope spoke to Lizzie but her eyes were on me as she held up her cup for her.

“Um, yeah,” Lizzie stammered, finally looking up. She poured a small portion of the liquid for Hope and glanced nervously to me.

As usual, Hope never spoke to me unless it was to bite out a threat. Her dark brow knitted before taking a swig of her drink and walking away.

Watching her leave the kitchen, I wiped away the cold sweat that broke out across my forehead. Nothing had happened, and she hadn’t even said anything to me, but my stomach had hollowed all the same.

And now she knew that I was here tonight.

Shit.

“I can’t do this, Lizzie.” My weary whisper was a contradiction to the force with which I clenched my cup. It was a mistake to come tonight.

“Josie, no.” Lizzie shook her head, probably recognizing the look of surrender in my eyes. Tossing the cup into the sink and making my way out of the kitchen, I weaved through the throng of people as Lizzie followed behind.

Grabbing the glass fishbowl, I began digging around for my keys.

“Josie, you are not leaving,” Lizzie ordered, every word dripped with disappointment. “Don’t let her win. I’m here. MG’s here. You don’t have to be afraid.” She was bracing me by my upper arms while I continued my search.

“I’m not scared of her,” I said defensively, not really believing it myself. “I’m just…done. You saw her in there. She was already messing with me. She’s planning something. Every party we go to, or every time I relax at school, there’s some prank or embarrassment to ruin it.”

Still searching for my colorful DNA-shaped key chain, I relaxed the knit in my brow and offered a tight smile. “It’s okay. I’m fine,” I reassured her, my words coming out too quickly. “I just don’t care to stay and see what she’s cooked up this time. The dickhead can starve tonight.”

“Josie, she wants you to leave. If you do, then she wins. She, or that jackass Sebastian, might come up with something, but if you stay and stand your ground, then you will win.”

“I’m just worn out, Lizzie. I’d rather go home mad now than in tears later.” I returned my attention to the bowl. Every time I sifted through a pile of keys though, my hands would bring up nothing resembling my set.

“Well,” I shouted over the music and slammed the bowl back down on the stand, “it looks like I can’t leave anyway. My keys aren’t in there.”

“What?” Lizzie looked confused.

“They’re not in there!” I repeated, looking around the room. My money and my phone were in my bag. Two lifelines safe and sound. My other escape plan was missing, and the walls felt like they were caving in. Curses ran through my head, and the weariness that got me running before turned to anger. I clenched my fists. Of course, I should’ve known this was going to happen.

“Someone could’ve grabbed them by accident, I guess,” she offered, but she must’ve known that the odds of that happening were slimmer than people leaving the party this early. Accidents didn’t happen to me.

“No, I know exactly where they are.” I locked eyes with Sebastian, Hope’s best friend and henchman, at the opposite end of the room by the patio doors. He smirked at me before redirecting his attention to some random redhead he had pressed to a wall.

Stalking over to him, Lizzie followed in my wake as she viciously texted on her phone—MG probably.

“Where are my keys?” I demanded, interrupting the pursuit of his next one-night stand.

He lifted his blue eyes slowly from the girl. He wasn’t much taller than me, maybe a few inches, so I didn’t feel as if he hovered over me. Sebastian didn’t intimidate me. He just pissed me off. He worked hard to make a fool out of me, but I knew it was all at Hope’s behest.

“They’re about eight feet under right now. Feel like a swim, Josie?” He grinned wide, showing his dazzling smile that turned most girls into puppies on a leash. He obviously loved every moment of my predicament.

“You’re a dick.” My tone remained calm, but my eyes burned from the anger.

I walked out to the patio and peered into the pool. The weather was perfect for a swim, and people were carousing in the water, so I trekked around the pool looking for the silver glint of my keys through all of the bodies.

Hope sat casually at a table with a blonde on her lap. Frustration knotted in my stomach, but I tried to appear unaffected. I knew every ounce of my discomfort gave her pleasure.

Spying the shimmering silver of the keys, I looked around for a pole to grab them. When nothing could be found, I looked to some of the swimmers for help.

“Hey, would you mind grabbing my keys down there, please?” I asked. The guy turned his eyes on Hope, who sat quietly back, watching the scene, and retreated from me like a coward.

Great. No pole, no help. Hope wanted to see me get wet.

“Come on, Josie. Strip down, and go get your keys,” Sebastian shouted from Hope’s table.

“Fuck off, Sebastian. You threw them down there, no doubt, so why don’t you go get them?” MG, Lizzie’s boyfriend, had joined her and was sticking up for me like he often did.

I slipped off my flip-flops and stepped to the edge of the pool.

“Josie, wait. I’ll do it,” MG stepped up and offered.

“No,” I shook my head. “Thanks, though.” I gave him a grateful smile.

One whole year, I reminded myself, savoring the promise. I was going to have a whole year away from Hope.

I dove in hands first, and the water cooled my tense skin. My body immediately relaxed at the pleasure of the pool. No sound, no eyes on me. I savored the peace of it, the kind of peace I get when I run.

I continued downward using the breast stroke. Eight feet was nothing, and I reached my keys in seconds. Clutching them tight, I reluctantly ascended head first, releasing the air in my lungs.

That was the easy part.

“Whoo hoo!” An applause sounded from bystanders that weren’t actually cheering for me.

I just had to get out of the pool and face the whole party dripping wet. They would laugh and joke. I’d endure a few comments, and then go home and eat my weight in Swedish Fish.

Swimming gently to the edge and climbing out, I wrung out my long hair and slipped on my sandals.

“Are you okay?” Lizzie came to my side, the wind blowing her long, bright blonde hair.

“Yeah, of course. It’s just water.” I couldn’t meet her eyes. Here I was again. The laughing stock. The embarrassment.

But Lizzie never blamed me. “Let’s get out of here.” She locked arms with me, and MG followed behind.

“Just a minute.” I paused and looked over at Hope, who still had her challenging blue eyes on me.

Walking over to her—something I knew was a bad idea—I crossed my arms and gave her a pointed stare.

“I leave in two days and that’s the best you could come up with?” What the hell am I doing?

Hope fixed me with a hostile smile as she doled out the cards at the table. “You have a good time in France, Josette. I’ll be here when you get back.” Her threat made me want to hit her. I wanted to challenge her to deal with me now.

And I was none too comfortable with the thought of her impending wrath hanging over my head the whole year I was away.

“You’re a coward. The only way you can feel like a woman is to pick on me. But you’re going to have to get your kicks somewhere else now.” As I dropped my arms to my sides, my fists tightened as everyone around the table and in the general area witnessed our exchange.

“Are you still talking?” Hope snorted, and snickers erupted around me. “Go home. No one wants your stuck-up ass here.” Hope barely spared me eye contact while she continued to deal cards. The girl on her lap giggled and leaned into her further. The crushing sensation in my chest hurt. I hate her.

“Hey, everyone, look!” Sebastian shouted as I tried to hold back tears. “Her nipples are hard. You must be turning her on, Hope.” Sebastian’s goading echoed through the backyard, and everyone began hooting and laughing.

My eyes closed with mortification as I remembered that I was wearing a white tank top and was definitely chilled from the water. My first instinct was to cross my arms over my chest, but then they’d know that they got to me. Hell, they already knew. My whole face stung with humiliation.

Son of a bitch.

I’d be going home in tears again. No doubt.

I opened my eyes, feeling flushed seeing everyone visibly entertained by the harassment I’d endured tonight. Hope stared at the table, nostrils flaring, ignoring me. Her behavior still puzzled me after all this time. We used to be friends, and I still searched for that kid in her eyes somewhere. But what good did it do me to still hang on to a memory of her?

“Why is she still standing here?” the blonde sitting on Hope’s lap asked. “Is she like “special” or something? She can’t take the hint?”

“Yeah, Josie. You heard Hope. No one wants you here.” Sebastian’s words came out slow as if I really were too stupid to understand him.

My throat closed. I couldn’t swallow, and it hurt to breathe. It was too much. Something inside me snapped. I pulled my fist back and popped Sebastian right in the nose. He dropped to his knees, hands over his face, as the blood gushed through his hands.

Tears blurred my vision, and the sobs began erupting from my throat. Before I could let them get any more satisfaction out of me tonight, I walked as quickly as possible back through the house and out the front door without looking back.

I got in my car, Lizzie climbed in the passenger side and MG into the back. I hadn’t even realized that they’d followed me. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask about Hope’s reaction, but then I realized that I shouldn’t care. To hell with her.

I looked out the front window, letting the tears dry on my cheeks. MG and Lizzie sat silently, probably not sure what to say or do.

I’d just hit Sebastian. I’d just hit Sebastian! The novelty of my action was overwhelming, and I let out a bitter laugh. That really just happened.

I took a deep breath and blew out slowly.

“Are you okay?” Lizzie looked at me.

She knew I’d never done anything like that before, but I loved the rush of fright and power I felt.

Hell, the last thing I wanted to do was go home now. Maybe a tattoo or something else was in the cards tonight.

“Actually, yes.” It was weird to say that, but it was true. Wiping the tears away, I looked to my friend. “I feel good.”

I reached to put the key in the ignition but paused when MG chimed in. “Yeah, well, don’t let it go to your head, Josie. You’ll have to come back to town eventually.”

Yeah. There was that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shoutout to the people who made me do this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Present Day**

“So...how does it feel to be back home?” My dad and I video chatted on the laptop he bought for me before I left for Europe.

“It’s great, Dad. I’m set.” I counted off with my fingers. “There’s food, money, no adults, and you still have beer in the ‘fridge downstairs. I smell a paaarty,” I teased. But my dad could give it as good as he got.

“Well, I also have some condoms in my bathroom. Use them if you need.”

“Dad!” I burst out, wide-eyed with shock. Fathers shouldn’t use the word “condoms”, at least not around their daughters. “That…just…crossed a line. Seriously.” I started to laugh. He was the dad that all of my friends wished they had. He had a few simple rules: respect your elders, take care of your body, finish what you start, and solve your own problems. If I maintained good grades, demonstrated direction, and followed those four rules, he trusted me. If I lost his trust, I’d lose my freedom. That’s a military parent. Simple.

“So what’s the plan this week?” Dad asked, running his hand through his graying light brown hair. I’d gotten my coloring from him but thankfully not the light freckles he had. His once vibrant blue eyes were dull with fatigue, and his shirt and tie were wrinkled. He worked too hard.

I lounged cross-legged on my queen-sized bed, thankful to be back in my own room. “Well, there’s about a week before school starts, so I have a meeting with the guidance counselor next Wednesday about my fall schedule. I’m hoping the extra classes I took last year will boost my Columbia application. She’s helping with that, too. I also have some shopping to do and then catching up with Lizzie, of course.”

I also wanted to start looking for a car, but he’d tell me to wait until he got home at Christmas. Not that I didn’t know what I was doing. I just knew he’d want to share that experience with me, so I wasn’t going to burst his bubble.

“I wish you were home to help me research projects for the science fair.” I changed the subject. “I guess we should’ve done that while I visited you this summer.”

My father retired from the military after my mom’s death eight years ago and worked for a company in Mckinley, about an hour away, that built aircraft and sold it around the world. Currently, he was on an extended trip to Germany, holding mechanical trainings. After my year ended in Paris, I’d joined him in Berlin for the summer. My mom would be happy to know I’d traveled and had plans to continue as often as possible after high school. I missed her so much, even more so in the past few years than when she first passed away.

At that moment, the French doors in my room blew open with a gust of sudden, cool wind.

“Hang on, Dad.” I jumped off the bed and ran to the doors to peek outside.

A steady force of wind caressed my bare arms and legs. I leaned over the railing and took inventory of leaves flapping in the gust and garbage cans rolling away. The smell of lilacs wafted through my doors from the trees that peppered our street, Mystic Falls Lane.

A storm was seconds away, and electricity filled the air with anticipation. Chills ran over my skin, not from cold, but from the thrill of a storm brewing. I loved summer rain.

“Hey, Dad,” I interrupted him as he was speaking to someone in the background, "I need to let you go. I think a storm is on its way, and I should go check all of the windows. Talk to you tomorrow?” I rubbed my arms to erase the chill.

“Sure, honey. I have to run anyway. Just remember that the pistol is in the entryway table. Call if you need anything. Love you."

“Love you too, Dad. Talk to you tomorrow,” I called out behind me.

Closing the laptop, I shrugged into my black Seether hoodie and opened the doors in my room again. Studying the tree outside, my brain snapped to unbidden memories of the many times I’d sat in that tree to enjoy the rain. I had shared many of those times with Hope…when we were still friends.

Quickly looking up, I took note that her window was closed, with no light to speak of coming from her house that sat less than ten yards away. With the tree acting as a ladder between our bedroom windows, it always seemed like the houses were connected in a way.

During my year away, I had fought the urge to ask Lizzie about her. Even after everything she’d done, part of me still missed that girl that was my waking thought and constant companion as a kid. But that Hope was gone now. In her place was a sour, hateful bitch that had no regard for me.

Shutting and locking the French doors, I pulled the sheer, black curtains closed. Moments later, the sky opened up with a crack, and the rain let loose.

—

Awakened later that night, my brain unable to ignore the thunder and thrashing of the tree against the house, I flipped on my bedside light and crept to the doors to check out the storm. I caught the sight of headlights speeding dangerously down the street. I tilted my head as far to the side as I could and caught the view of a black Boss 302 charging its way into Hope’s driveway.

The car fishtailed slightly before jetting out of my sight into the garage. It was a new car model with a thick, red racing stripe running down the length of the car. I had never seen it before. Last I knew Hope had a motorcycle and a Mustang GT, so that car could’ve been anyone’s.

Maybe I had a new neighbor?

I wasn’t sure how I felt about that possibility.

On the other hand, that car would totally have been Hope’s taste.

After a minute or so, a dim light fell across my floor with the illumination coming from Hope’s room. I caught the sight of a dark figure moving behind her blinds. My fingers started to tingle, making them too weak to curl.

Trying to refocus my attention on the fantastical display of wind and curtains of rain, my heart jumped at the sound of Hope’s blinds lifting up and the wash of light spilling between our two houses. I narrowed my eyes as I saw Hope lift up her window and lean out into the night storm.

Damn.

She appeared to be observing the spectacle, same as me. I could barely make out her face through the dense spatter of leaves, but I knew when she noticed me. Her arms stiffened as she supported herself on the windowsill, and her head was bowed in my direction, unmoving. I could almost picture those ocean blue eyes piercing me.

She didn't wave or nod. Why would she? Absence wasn't going to make her heart grow fonder—clearly. Dread and apprehension used to plague me when this girl was around, but now....I felt a strange mixture of nervousness and anticipation.

I slowly backed up to close and secure the doors. The last thing I wanted was to trip and give away the emotions boiling under my calm exterior. During my time away, I’d thought about Hope, but I hadn’t dwelled on her, figuring that time and distance would cool her off.

Perhaps that prediction was too hopeful.

And maybe I wasn’t as bothered by her shit anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did this while my head was hurting :/ but last chapter was short,,,here’s another :)

“So, have you seen her yet?” Lizzie leaned on the frame of my double doors looking over towards Hope’s house. I didn’t have to ask who she was referring to.

“No…well, yes. Kind of. I saw a pretty severe looking Boss charging into her garage late last night. Would that be her?” I didn’t want to tell Lizzie about seeing her at the window. Hoping to have a couple of days’ reprieve before we came face to face, I was trying to hang on to the calm I’d achieved during my year away.

I continued to sort through the clothes in my suitcase, picking out what needed to be hung up and what needed to be washed.

“Yep. She traded in the GT shortly after you left and bought that. I guess she’s been making a name for herself racing out at the Loop.”

My fingers clenched the hanger tightly at her words. Disappointment coursed through me as I realized that things had changed in the year I’d been gone. When we were younger, Hope and I had dreamed of putting a car together for the Loop.

“It’s a hot car.” I hated to admit it.

Hope used to work with my dad and me in our garage fixing up my dad’s old Chevy Nova. We were both eager students and appreciated the mastery it took to get a car in prime condition.

“In any case,” I continued, “with racing and her job, I just hope she’s too busy to get in my face this year.” I circulated the room putting things away, but my brain throbbed with annoyance.

Lizzie backed away from the door frame and belly-flopped onto my bed. “Well, I, for one, am pretty excited to see the look on her face when she sees you.” She leaned her head on her hand, giving me a teasing grin.

“And why is that?” I muttered as I walked to my bedside table to reset my clock.

“Because you look great. I have no idea what happened between the two of you, but she won’t be able to ignore you. No rumor or prank will keep the girl and guys away, and Hope will probably be sulking that she treated you so badly.” Lizzie wiggled her eyebrows.

I don’t know what she meant about me “looking great”. As far as I knew, I looked the same as I always had. I stood at 5’7”, brown hair falling to the middle of my back, and dark brown eyes. Gym workouts made me want to gag, but I had continued my running to keep in shape for cross-country. The only difference was my skin tone. After traveling this summer and being in the sun so much, I was pretty tanned. In time, though, that would disappear, and I’d be pale again.

“Oh, she never had a problem ignoring me. I wish she would.” I sucked in a breath through my teeth and smiled. “I had such an awesome year. The people I met and the places I saw! It all gave me a lot of perspective. I have a plan, and I’m not letting Hope Mikaelson get in my way.”

I sat down on the bed and let out a sigh.

Lizzie grabbed my hand. “No worries, babe. This shit has to come to a head eventually. After all, we graduate in nine months.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about the foreplay between you and Hope,” Lizzie chirped, straight-faced as she hopped off the bed and into my closet. “It can’t go on forever,” she called out.

_Foreplay?_

“Excuse me?” Foreplay was a sex word, and my stomach flip-flopped at the thought of “Hope” and “sex” in the same sentence.

“Ms. Saltzman, don’t tell me this hasn’t crossed your mind.” Lizzie poked her head out of the closet, using a Southern accent as she pinched her eyebrows together and placed her hand over her heart. She held one of my dresses up to her frame as she examined herself in the full-sized mirror that hung on the back of my closet door.

Foreplay? I spun the word around in my head trying to figure out what she was talking about until it finally clicked.

“You think her treatment of me is foreplay?!” I almost yelled at her. “Yes. It was foreplay when she told the whole school I had Irritable Bowel Syndrome and everyone made farting noises as I walked down the hall freshman year.” My sarcastic tone failed to cover up my anger. How could she think all this was foreplay? “And yes, it was completely erotic the way she had the grocery store deliver a case of yeast infection cream to Math class sophomore year. But what really got me hot and ready to bend over for her was when she plastered brochures for genital wart treatments on my locker, which is completely outrageous for someone to have an STD without having sex!” All of the resentment I had let go of this year was now back with a vengeance. I hadn’t forgiven or forgotten anything.

Blinking long and hard, I took a mental vacation back to France. Port Salut cheese, French bread, bonbons…I snorted when I realized that maybe it wasn’t France but the food that I had really loved.

Lizzie stared at me, wide-eyed. “Uh, no, Josie. I don’t think she is engaging in sexual foreplay. I think she really does hate you. What I’m saying is, isn’t it about time you fought back? Played the game? If she pushes you, push back. I tried to let her words sink in, but she continued, “Josie, just like guys, some girls aren’t mean to attractive girls for no reason at all. In fact, most teenage girls have the same energy guy’s have and that is for the sole purpose of getting laid. They don’t want to diminish their options, so they are rarely mad at any girl……unless she’s betrayed him or her, of course,” she mused.

I knew Lizzie was right to an extent. There had to be a reason for why Hope acted the way she did. I’d wracked my brain a thousand times trying to figure it out. She was cold to most people, but she was downright cruel to me.

Why me?

I stood up and continued the task of hanging up clothes, my scarves draped over my shoulder. “Well, I haven’t betrayed Hope. I’ve told you a hundred times, we were friends for years, she went away for a few weeks the summer before freshman year, and when she came back, she was different. She didn’t want to have anything to do with me.”

“Well, you won’t know anything until you engage. Like before you left for France. You pushed back that night, and that’s what you need to keep doing.” Lizzie shot out advice like I hadn’t thought about it for the past year. My anger got away from me the night of Maya Machado’s party, but no good was going to come from me sinking to Hope’s level again.

“Look,” I evened out my voice in an effort to appear calm. There was no way I was getting sucked into any more drama with this girl, damn it. “We’re going to have an amazing year. I’m hoping Hope has forgotten all about me. If she has, then we can both peacefully ignore each other until graduation. If she hasn’t, then I’ll do what I think is best. I’ve got bigger things on my mind anyway. She and that asshat Sebastian can poke and prod all they want. I’m done giving them my attention. They are not taking my senior year.” I stopped to look at her.

Lizzie looked thoughtful. “Okay,” she offered complacently.

“Okay?”

“Yes, I said ‘okay’.” She let the discussion go. My shoulders relaxed. She wanted me to be David to Hope’s Goliath, and I just wanted to focus on getting into Columbia and winning the Science Fair in the spring.

“Okay,” I mimicked and quickly changed the subject. “So my dad isn’t due home for three more months. What trouble should I dare to stir up? Do you think I should actually break curfew while he’s gone?” I continued to sort out my clothes.

“I still can’t believe your dad is leaving you alone for three months.”

“He knows that it’s ridiculous to make me stay with my grandma, start a new school and then move back here when he gets home at Christmas. It’s my senior year. It’s important. He understands.” My grandma always stayed with me while my dad was away, but her sister wasn’t well and needed constant help. I was on my own this time.

“Yeah, well your grandma is only like two hours away anyway, so I’m sure she’ll pop in here and there.”Lizzie pointed out. “Should we possibly risk having a party?”

She knew I was a worrywart, so her tone was cautious. My parents raised me to think for myself but to use common sense. Far too often had Lizzie been disappointed by my lack of “devil may care” attitude. “That way, you wouldn’t be breaking curfew! Because you’d…be…home,” she quickly reasoned.

My chest tightened at the thought of an unauthorized party, but I had to admit, it was still something I wanted to do at some point.

“I guess it is a rite of passage for all teenagers, having a party while the parents are away,” I admitted but swallowed hard when I remembered that I only had one parent. Although my mom had passed away eight years ago, it still hurt every day. I glanced over to our last family picture sitting on my bedside table. We were at a Atlanta Braves game, and my parents were each kissing one of my cheeks, my lips scrunched up like a fish.

Lizzie patted me on the back. “We’ll go slowly with you. We can start stretching the rules before we break them. How about having a guy over before you have a huge crowd?” She grabbed a black silk top I’d bought in Paris and held it up.

“Yeah, somehow I think my dad would find one guy more threatening that a houseful of teenage partiers. And I do break rules sometimes. I’m guilty of speeding and jaywalking and…” My voice trailed off as my lips pulled up into a grin. Lizzie and I could be adventurous, but it was never of much interest to me to lose my father’s trust. Normally, I didn’t even bend rules. I respected him too much.

“Yeah, okay, Mother Theresa,” Lizzie muttered dismissively as she began flipping through some photos I’d taken during my year away. “So can you speak French fluently now?”

“I know some useful words for you.” I deadpanned. She grabbed a pillow from my bed and flung it at me without looking away from the pictures in her hand. After three years of devoted friendship, we could exchange harmless insults as easily as clothes.

Walking into my private bathroom, I called out, “So, can you stay for dinner? We can do pizza.”

“Tonight I have to be home, actually,” she shouted back. “MG is coming over for dinner. My mom is getting a little anxious about our relationship and wants to see him more.” She enunciated “relationship” as if there was a double meaning.

MG and Lizzie had been dating for two years, and they’d been having sex for a while. Her mom no doubt suspected that their “relationship” had progressed.

“Uh oh, is Sergeant Forbes on to you two?” I grunted while shoving my now empty suitcase under my bed. I called Lizzie’s mom ‘Sergeant Forbes’ due to her authoritarian mothering. Lizzie had little privacy and was expected to report on everything. However, it only made her want to keep her secrets more.

“I’m sure. She found my nightie and went ballistic.” Lizzie stood up and grabbed her purse off the bed.

“I would’ve loved to see you talk your way out of that one.” I shut off my bedroom light and followed her down the stairs.

“If my parents were like your dad, then maybe I wouldn’t be so nervous about telling them things,” Lizzie mumbled.

I was pretty sure I would never tell my dad about my first time, whenever it happened.

“Well, we can hook up tomorrow or whenever. As long as it’s before school starts.”

“Absolutely, tomorrow.” She gave me a tight hug. “I need to go get myself cleaned up before dinner. I’ll see you later,” And she rushed out the door.

“Later.”


	4. Chapter 4

“Goddammit!” I bellowed up to my bedroom ceiling, now illuminated by the arrival of another partygoer.

Déjà vu struck me as the house next door roared with music and voices. I’d blissfully forgotten about Hope’s raucous parties. The constant vibrations of engines revving and girls screaming—out of pleasure, I hoped—filled the air for the last two hours and was still going strong. My muscles tensed at every new noise.

I glanced, again, at the clock on my bedside table, willing it to stop ticking away the minutes. It was after midnight, and I had to wake up in five hours to meet up with my running club for their weekly workout. I had to wake up I thought, and that was providing I could get to sleep in the first place.

And that wasn’t going to happen without an intervention.

_Isn’t it about time you fought back?_ Lizzie’s words buzzed through my head.

There was almost no chance that Hope would turn down the music if I asked, but the diplomat in me thought it was worth a shot. The “old Josie” would’ve lain in here awake all night, too intimidated by her bully to ask her to turn down her music. Now, bodily fatigue and weariness had chipped away my patience.

Maybe, just maybe, Hope had pulled the corn cob out of her ass and gotten over whatever problem she had with me. It didn’t hurt to hope.

The evenings had turned chilly, so I was reluctant to step out of my warm bed. Throwing off the covers before I chickened out, I slipped on black Chucks and covered my white camisole with my black hoodie. My hair was hanging loose, I was wearing no make-up, and I sported my favorite pair of blue and white pinstriped linen sleep shorts. I could’ve looked better and probably should’ve put on some more modest bottoms, but I just didn’t care. I was too tired, so I just stalked down the stairs and out the front door in all my disheveled glory.

It was either the warm, August evening or my nerves, but I had to roll up my sleeves to cool down as I left my yard and traipsed into hers. The front lawn boasted random people, none of whom I recognized, and the beating of my heart relaxed a bit at the knowledge that there’d be few people I might know here. I knew Hope’s list of friends included people from other schools, colleges, and even legal adults from questionable backgrounds. By now, the crowd was so wasted that I slipped by unnoticed.

Inside the house, the carousing was loud and obnoxious. People danced in the living room, or rather some slutty looking girls let themselves get dry-humped, while others sat or stood in various parts of the downstairs chatting, drinking, and smoking. My nose crinkled at the revolting den of underage debauchery and stench…but, I admitted, everyone looked like they were having fun and being normal. It was official. I was a stick-in-the-mud.

Chevelle started pumping through the speakers, which seemed to have an output located in every room. Hats Off to the Bull might make it worth my while coming over after all.

Entering the kitchen in my search for Hope, I immediately halted. While various people lingered around the keg and other, harder offerings located on the countertop, the sight of Sebastian sitting at the kitchen table playing drinking games caught me off guard. He was with a few other guys and a couple of girls. It was too late to do an about-face.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He popped out of his chair and stalked over to me. His sneer was plastic. For show purposes only. I knew Sebastian relished any drama that spiced up his night.

And I was drama.

I decided to play it cocky. “Well, I’m not looking for you.” Smirking, I continued to scan the room looking disinterested. “Where’s Hope?”

“She’s already got a girl for tonight. And I doubt she’d be interested in you anyway.” He got in my face with the last.

More than a few girls wanted Sebastian’s attention, but I wasn’t one of them. He was good-looking with his bright, blue eyes and styled brown hair. He had a great body, and his clothes complimented his form. However, I doubted he ever used girls for longer than one night.

I turned to leave and continue my search, but he grabbed me at the elbow. “Actually, I’m a glutton for punishment, but you do look fucking fantastic in your pajamas. If you’re looking for some action, I can take care of you.”

My stomach turned and my body stiffened. Was he joking? Didn’t he have any pride? Freshman and sophomore year, he and Hope made my life hell. I was suffocated everywhere I went. Even at home. Now, he wanted to take me upstairs? Now, I was good enough?

“Hey, man, Hope says she’s off limits.” Jed Anderson, one of Hope’s nicer cronies, chimed in from the table.

Sebastian’s eyes glided down my body, lingering at my legs. “Hope’s upstairs fucking Dana. She’s got other things on her mind right now.”

My mouth went dry. Unwanted images of the girl I used to share a tent with in my backyard flashed in my mind. Hope was upstairs, in bed right now, screwing some girl. Blowing out a breath, I turned to leave. I just needed to get out of here.

Sebastian jerked me backwards into his body and wrapped his arms around me. I briefly registered Jed bolting out of his seat and out of the room. My body twisted and my muscles tensed, but I held off on any serious struggling for the time being. I wanted to see Hope, and hopefully that’s where Jed went. If I could get out of here without major drama, I’d prefer it that way.

But Jed had better be quick, because Sebastian’s nose was about to meet the back of my skull.

“You don’t learn, do you?” I stared straight ahead. A few feet away, some guys were playing pool, but paid us no attention. Clearly, the game was more important to them than a girl being assaulted.

“Oh, my nose? It’s healed well, thanks. And I think I owe you for that one, by the way.” His words were muffled as his lips glided down my neck. My shoulders wiggled from side to side as I tried to pry myself out of his grasp.

“You smell good,” he whispered. “Keep fighting me, Josie. It turns me on.” His snort was followed by his tongue darting out and licking my ear lobe before grabbing it between his teeth.

Motherfucker!

My pulse raced with anger, not fear. Fire surged in my arms and legs.

_Play the game_. I forgot if those were Lizzie’s words or mine, and I didn’t care.

Let’s see how he likes being handled. I worked my hand behind me, in between our bodies, and grabbed Sebastian by the crotch. I squeezed just enough to get his attention but not enough to hurt him....yet. Sebastian didn’t release me, but he stilled.

“Let.Me.Go,” I gritted out. Onlookers were beginning to take more notice of the scene, but still stayed out of it, looking amused. No one made a move to help me.

I applied a little more pressure, and he finally released his hold. I quickly stepped away before turning to face him, forcing my anger down. Until I got Hope to turn down the damn music, I wasn’t leaving.

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. “You’re probably still a virgin, aren’t you?” he took me off guard. “Guys sure wanted to fuck you, but Hope and I took care of that.”

Isn’t it about time you fought back? Lizzie’s voice egged me on.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Pulling my hoodie back into place, I stood my ground, my body a wall.

“What the hell is it between you and Hope anyway? I mean, when I first met her, and she wrangled me into sabotaging all of your dates freshman year, I assumed it was because she had a thing for you. Like, she was jealous or something. But then after a while, it was pretty clear she wasn’t pursuing you…for some reason. What did you do to her?” Sebastian looked at me accusingly, cocking his head to the side.

My fingers curled into fists. “I didn’t do anything to her.”

Our confrontation was becoming a scene. My raised voice forced people to start clearing out. I circled around to the other side of the pool table to give myself distance.

“Think.” Sebastian goaded with a cocky smirk. “You’re gorgeous, and speaking for myself, I’d have screwed you every which way by now. A lot of guys would’ve, if not for Hope.”

My thighs tightened together. The idea of this asswipe thinking he could get into my pants reached a new level of grossness. “What do you mean ‘if not for Hope?’” The hair on my arms stood on end as my breathing got heavier.

“It’s simple. Every time we’d get word that someone was interested in you or had asked you out, we’d set out to make sure it ended as quickly as it’d started. We were pretty lame about it for the first few months. Francesca Trevors asked you to that bonfire freshman year, but she heard you were receiving lice treatments and never called you. You never wondered how she heard that?”

That particular rumor was one of the least hurtful ones over the years, but at the time, it was devastating. I had just started high school, was trying to make friends, and then I realized people were laughing behind my back.

“Rafael Waithe asked you out for the Halloween dance that year, too, but never picked you up because he heard you had lost your virginity to Landon Kirby.” Sebastian barely finished the last word, he started laughing so hard.

I grimaced uncontrollably as heat rose up my neck. Landon Kirby was an incredibly sweet kid, but he suffered from serious acne and ate his boogers. Every school had a Landon Kirby.

Sebastian continued, “Yeah, we were pretty busy at first. A lot of guys wanted to get in your pants, but by sophomore year our rumors got more sophisticated. People had pretty much caught on that you were a social leper. Things got easier for Hope and me…finally.”

And things had gotten harder for me.

Movement was impossible. What had I been thinking? Of course, it was all Hope!

I knew she was behind some of the pranks as well as all the parties I was shut out of, but I didn’t think she’d been responsible for all of the rumors, too. I never knew why Rafael Waithe stood me up, and I’d never heard the Landon Kirby rumor. How much else escaped my notice? She pulled pranks on me, leaked some lies, and was an all-out dick throughout high school, but I never suspected she was so active in my unhappiness. Had she just gone ballistic for no fucking reason?

Think.

“What is she doing here?” Jolted out of my internal musing, I found Hope braced in the doorway between the pool room and the stairs. Her arms were above her head, hands secured to both sides of the door frame.

My breath caught. Seeing her face to face made me forget everything else. Sebastian, his disclosures… Shit! What the hell were he and I just talking about? I couldn’t remember.

Even with my resentment towards Hope, I couldn’t look away from the way the muscles in her smooth chest stretched with her arms. My body involuntarily reacted as heat gathered below my belly and steam moved up my neck. I’d been in France for a year, and seeing her again up close sent my stomach into a double back handspring.

Her light auburn hair and blue eyes seemed to make her skin glow. The severe straight eyebrows enhanced her forbidding presence. Looking at her should be a sport. Whoever pulled their eyes away from her the soonest won.

She stood half naked, wearing only a pair of black pants featuring a wallet chain hanging from her pocket and a red strapless bra. Her skin was lightly tanned and her hair was shamelessly mussed. Her two tattoos blazed, one on her upper arm and one on the side of her torso. Her red underwear peeked out of the top of her pants, which hung loose due to the unfastened belt looped around her waist.

Unfastened. I closed my eyes.

Tears burned behind my lids, and the magnitude of her deeds came flooding back. Seeing this person that hated me enough to hurt me day after day made my heart ache.

She’s not getting my senior year, I committed to myself. Blinking away the unshed tears, my breathing slowed. Survival is the best revenge, my mother would say.

Under one arm, I saw Jed peeking in, looking comically like Dobby cowering behind Lucius Malfoy. Under the other arm, a sexy blonde—whose name I assumed was Dana—squeezed through, looking like the cat that just ate the canary. I recognized her vaguely from school. She wore a skin tight red halter-top dress with scary, black heels. She was pretty in a…well, in every way, I guess.

Hope, on the other hand, might’ve been about ready to eat a live baby with the scowl she wore. Making no eye contact with me, she made it clear that she spoke to Sebastian and that I wasn’t being addressed.

I stepped in before Sebastian opened his mouth. “‘She’ wanted a brief word with you.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and hooded my gaze, trying to look tougher than I was. Hope did the same, and while her lips were still, her eyes were amused.

“Make it quick. I have guests,” she ordered.

She strolled into the room and took position on the other side of the pool table. Sebastian and Jed took their cue and shuffled back into the kitchen. I caught Sebastian out of the corner of my eye, swatting Jed over the head.

The control I was desperately trying to maintain threatened to rupture. After the epiphany brought on by Sebastian’s confession, I hated Hope more than ever. It was hard to look at her.

“I.Have.Guests,” Hope repeated, fixing me with an annoyed stare.

“Yes, I can tell.” I peered around her to the doorway where the blonde still stood. “You can get back to servicing them in just a minute.”

Hope’s expression fell to a slight scowl. The blonde finally took the hint, walked over to Hope whose eyes never left mine, and kissed her on the cheek. “Call me,” she whispered.

Her glare stayed on me as she continued to ignore her. After a few moments’ hesitation, she backed out of the room, twisted on her heel and left. No wonder guys and Hope acted like jerks. Girls like that let them.

Pulling myself together, I held my head high. “I have to be up in about five hours for an appointment in Weston. I’m asking politely that you please turn down the music.” 

Please don’t be an ass, please don’t be an ass.

“No.”

So much for the power of prayer.

“Hope.” I paused, already knowing that I wouldn’t win. “I came here being neighborly. It’s after midnight. I’m asking nicely.” I was trying to keep my tone even.

“It’s after midnight on a Friday night.” She kept her arms crossed over her chest, giving the impression of being bored.

“You’re being unreasonable. If I wanted the music off, I could file a noise complaint or call your mom. I’m coming to you out of respect.” I looked around the empty room. “Where is your mother, by the way? I haven’t seen her since I’ve been back.”

“She’s not around much anymore, and she won’t be dragging her ass down here in the middle of the night to break up my party.”

“I’m not saying to ‘break it up’. I’m asking that you turn the music down,” I clarified, as if I still had any chance that Hope would concede.

“Go sleep over at Lizzie’s on the weekends.” She started circling the pool table and rolling balls into pockets.

“It’s after midnight! I’m not bothering her this late!”

“You’re bothering me this late.”

“You are such a dick.” The whisper left my lips before I could stop it.

“Careful, Josette.” She stopped and glared. “You’ve been gone for a while, so I’ll cut you a break and remind you that my goodwill doesn’t go far with you.”

“Oh, please. Don’t act like it’s such a burden to tolerate my presence. I’ve put up with more than a little from you over the years. What could you possibly do to me that you haven’t done already?” I, again, crossed my arms over my chest and tried to look confident.

My past nervousness came from my inability to handle her. She was clever and quick-witted, and I always lost when we verbally sparred. But I was not afraid of her.

“I like my parties, Josette.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I like to be entertained. If you take my party, then you’ll have to entertain me.” Her hooded gaze and husky voice were probably meant to be sexy, but it only came off as threatening.

“And what disgusting task, pray tell, would you like me to do?” I lavishly waved my hand through the air as if talking to a Duke or Lord. Maybe the jerkoff wanted her toilets cleaned or socks folded. Either way, she was only going to get my middle finger pointed in her face.

Sauntering over to me, Hope grabbed the hem of my hoodie and said, “Take this off and give me a lap dance.”

My eyes widened. “Excuse me?” I choked out in a husky whisper. She stood so close to me, and my body hummed with energy. Her head was level, but her eyes were downcast with a penetrating gaze. I was hyperaware of her body, her bare skin, and then the mental pictures of a lap dance started flowing. Oh, my. I hate her, I hate her, I reminded myself.

Hope flicked the Seether emblem on the left breast of my hoodie. “I’ll put on Remedy. Still your favorite song? You give me a quick lap dance, and the party’s over.” The corners of her mouth turned up, but the dead coldness was still in her eyes. She wanted to humiliate me again. The monster needed to be fed.

_Isn’t it time you fought back?_

If I accepted her offer, Hope would only find some way to back out of the deal and embarrass me. If I didn’t accept the offer, we’d be at an impasse. Either way, Hope was aware she didn’t have to surrender anything. The jerk also assumed I was too flustered to think of a third choice.

_Isn’t it time you fought back?_

In the brief moment it took me to make my decision, I took one final survey of her. It was such a shame. Hope was stunningly gorgeous, and once upon a time, she was a good person. If things had been different, I could be hers. Once upon a time, I thought I was hers. But I wouldn’t be sacrificing my pride to her. 

Ever. _Again_.

My legs started to shake, but I refused to let go of my resolve.

I backed away and screamed into the living room. “Cops!” Dancers looked around in confusion.

“Cops! Everyone get out of here! Cops coming in the backdoor! Run!” I was surprised by the amount of commitment I could summon to pull this off, but it worked. Damn, it worked!

Pandemonium ensued as the mob reacted with immediate panic. Partiers, the underage ones at least, started scattering to the four winds and seemed to pass the word to the people outside, too. Everyone else grabbed their weed and bottles before running off. They were too drunk to scan the area properly and actually look for the cops. They just ran.

Twisting around to meet Hope’s eyes, I took notice that she hadn’t reacted. She hadn’t moved. As everyone bolted from her house in a flurry of screams and engines revving, Hope just stared at me with a mixture of anger and surprise.

Approaching me slowly, the huge smile that developed across her face forced my stomach to do a cartwheel. Letting out a fake pitiful sigh, she declared, “I’ll have you in tears in no time.” Her tone was calm and decisive. I believed every word.

Taking a long breath, my eyes narrowed at her. “You’ve already made me cry countless times.” I raised my middle finger to her slowly, and asked, “Do you know what this is?” I took my middle finger and patted the corner of my eye with it. “It’s me, wiping away the last tear you’ll ever get.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW // minor sexual assault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one part of this chapter’s format wouldn’t work and idgaf anymore

The next few days passed in a flurry of activity as I prepared for school to begin. As much as I tried to talk myself into believing that Hope’s silence was a good thing, it was only a matter of time before the other shoe dropped.

My actions at her party had been careless, but sometimes the worst ideas felt the best. Even now, after a week, my pulse sped up, and I couldn’t help but grin at the thought of how I'd gotten her. The awareness I’d gained while living abroad made things that were once threatening seem more trivial now. Nervousness still surged in my chest at the thought of Hope, but I no longer felt the need to avoid her at all costs.

“So, are you in the fishbowl today!” It wasn’t a question. Lizzie bounced up next to me as I put my books away. Her hand gripped the top of the locker door as she peeked around it.

“I’m afraid to ask.” I let out a small sigh without looking at her. It was the first day back, our first day of senior year. I’d had a full morning of Physics, Calculus, and P.E. I grabbed another notebook for French, which was my last class before lunch.

“So you haven’t noticed everyone noticing you today? In a school of about two thousand people, I think you might’ve caught on that almost all of them were talking about you,” she said with a giggle.

“Did I sit in chocolate pudding again? Or maybe a new rumor is circulating that I spent the past year hiding a pregnancy and gave the baby up for adoption.” I slammed my locker door shut then turned to head to French, knowing she’d follow me. I really didn’t want to hear what people were saying, partly because I didn’t care what bullshit they were circulating now and also because it was nothing new. France had been a peaceful respite, but Mystic Falls was probably the same old, same old. Thanks to Hope, my high school experience had been one long succession of rumors, pranks, tears, and disappointments. I hoped for more this year, but I wasn’t holding my breath either.

“Not even close. And actually, the talk is good. Really good.”

“Oh, yeah?” I absent-mindedly responded, hoping she’d sense the disinterested tone and shut up.

“Apparently, your year in Europe has transformed you from ubergeek to ubercool!” Lizzie broadcasted sarcastically, knowing that I had never been ubergeek. Not that I was ever considered ubercool either. My default identity had always been “of those on the outside”, but only because the long arm of Hope Mikaelson had deemed me less than acceptable in most social circles.

I jetted up the stairs to the third floor for class, sidestepping other students as they rushed down to their next destination.

“Josie, did you hear me?” Lizzie jogged behind me, trying to catch up. “I mean, look around you! Would you stop for two seconds?” she whisper-yelled, eyes pleading when I glanced back at her.

“What?” Her urgency to pass on the latest gossip was amusing, but all I wanted was to walk into school without wearing my invisible body armor. "What’s the big deal? So what? People think I look nice today. Today! What will they think tomorrow after Hope gets to them?” I hadn’t told her about Hope’s party and what I’d done. If she knew, she wouldn’t be so optimistic about my chances.

“You know, she wasn’t that bad after you left. Maybe we’re worrying about nothing. All I’m saying is that—” Lizzie was cut off.

“Hey, Josie.” Jade Tulle came up behind Lizzie and reached behind me. “Let me get the door for you.”

I stepped aside, giving her room to swing the door open. Having no choice but to end our conversation, I pursed my lips and waved at an open-mouthed Lizzie.

“It’s great having you back,” Jade whispered as we walked into class, me first and her close behind. I widened my eyes and had to stifle a nervous laugh. The reality of Jade Tulle engaging me in small talk was too surreal.

She starred on the flag football and basketball teams and was one of the best looking girls in school. We had been in French I and II together, but she’d never spoken to me.

“Thank you,” I muttered, keeping my eyes downcast. This was out of my comfort zone. I slipped stealthily into a front row seat. 

Weird!

It was great having me back? Like she’d ever cared before? This was probably one of Hope’s tricks. I made a mental note to apologize to Lizzie for trying to warn me about the unusual attention. Cute girls or guys talking to me equaled unusual.

Madame Tig, our actual French teacher, started launching into a full blown lecture right off the bat. Aware of Jade sitting right behind me, I tried to concentrate on the lesson, but even studying Madame’s cute, bobbed haircut couldn’t take my mind off the stares boring into the back of my head. Out of my peripheral vision, I noticed several students around the room glancing my way. I shifted in my seat. What was everyone’s problem?

Thinking back to what Lizzie had said when I first got back, I didn’t really think I looked any different. After all, my year abroad hadn’t consisted of any great makeovers or shopping trips. My skin was a little darker, my clothes were new, but my style hadn’t changed.

I wore skinny jeans tucked into mid-calf high black boots with no heels, and a white, flimsy boat neck t-shirt long enough to cover my butt. I loved my style, and no matter what anyone thought, I stuck to it.

After a painfully long fifty minute class of smiles from unexpected people, I retrieved my phone from my black messenger bag.

**See you outside for lunch?** I texted Lizzie. 

****

_2 windy!_ She shot back. Always about the hair. 

****

********

**Fine. Heading in now, look for me.**

As soon as I stepped in line in the cafeteria, goose bumps crept over my skin. I grabbed a tray and closed my eyes. She was in here somewhere. I didn’t need to turn around or hear her voice. Maybe it was the climate of the room, the way others traveled or the polarity of her presence in relation to me. All I knew for sure was that she was definitely here.

In elementary school we played with magnets that clash together when you flip them to the positive side, but if you flip them to the negative side, then the magnets will repel each other. Hope was one side of a magnet, never flipping over to accommodate anyone. She was what she was. Everyone else either had a pull to her or was pushed away from her, and the flow of a room reflected this. There was a time when Hope and I were inseparable, like the positive sides of the magnets.

My lungs ached with a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding, and I exhaled. After choosing a salad with Ranch dressing and a water bottle, I handed the cashier my card to swipe and found a seat near the windows. The bustle of the room was an entertaining distraction from meeting her eyes. Several students nodded in passing and offered a “welcome back.” My shoulders finally relaxed after the swirl of greetings.

Kym Hawkins waved to me from a few tables over, and I reminded myself about practice this afternoon.

_Where are you?_ K.C. shot a text.

**By the north windows.**

_In line now!_

**K.** I texted back. Twisting around in my seat, I spotted her in line. I gave her a little wave to signal my location and quickly turned back around before I gave in to the urge to scan the room for Hope.

Twisting the cap off my water bottle, I took a long swig, relishing in the relief. I felt like my heart had been beating a mile a minute for the last hour. 

Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.

My relaxation, however, was cut short by the voice of Sebastian Hayes.

“Hey, baby.” Sebastian placed his hand on the table to my side and leaned into my ear. As I replaced the cap on my water bottle, my shoulders slumped slightly. Not again! Didn’t the little fucker ever learn a lesson? I stared straight ahead in an effort to ignore him.

“Josie?” He was trying to goad me into acknowledging him. Non-confrontational me was still not making eye contact.

“Josie? I know you can hear me. In fact, I know every part of you is very aware of me right now.” Sebastian ran the knuckles of his left hand down my arm. I sucked in a breath, and my body jerked at his touch.

“Mmmm, you’ve got goose bumps. You see?” He toyed with me.

Goosebumps? If I weren’t so sickened, I would laugh. “Yes, you do make my skin crawl. But you knew that, right?” My disdain couldn’t get any thicker.

“I really missed you last year, and I would actually like to call a truce. In fact, why don’t we put everything behind us and you let me take you out this weekend?”

He had to be dreaming if he thought—

His hand glided down my back and quickly descended to my rear. I sucked in another breath.

Son of a bitch! Did he really just grab my ass? Without my permission? In public? Oh, no.

Then, he squeezed.

Everything after that point happened in a rush of reaction and adrenaline. I popped out of my seat like my legs had springs. The muscles in my thighs were taut with tension, and I clenched my fists.

As I faced Sebastian, who had raised himself to meet my gaze, I grabbed him by the shoulders and lifted my knee into his groin. Hard. The amount of pressure must’ve been a lot, because he yelped and fell to his knees, moaning while holding his crotch.

I had been manhandled my Sebastian enough. There was no way I was going to be able to turn the other cheek anymore. Breaking his nose a year ago clearly wasn’t the end of my rope. It was the start of a new one.

With my heart pounding and a cool heat surging down my arms, I didn’t stop to think about where this would put me tomorrow or next week. I just wanted him to stop.

Hope had been threatening for years, but she had never crossed that line. She had never touched me or made me feel physically violated. Sebastian always crossed the line, and I wondered what the fuck was his problem! If what Jed had said was true, that I was off limits, then why did Sebastian mess with me so much? And in plain sight of Hope?

“Don’t touch me and don’t talk to me.” I hovered over him, sneering. Sebastian’s eyes were closed as he breathed hard. “Did you really think I would go out with you? I hear the girls talk, and contrary to popular belief, good things do not come in small packages.” The entire room erupted in laughter, and I crooked my pinky finger to the bystanders. I spotted Lizzie, tray in hand and an “oh, my God” expression on her face.

“Thanks for the offer anyway, Sebastian,” I sang with mock sweetness. Grabbing my tray, I headed through the ocean of eyes and threw away my food. The only thing that mattered was making out of the lunchroom before I crumbled. Everything felt weak with tingles, and I was afraid my legs would give out. What had I just done?

But before I reached the doors, I threw caution to the wind. Oh what the hell, I’ve developed a death wish lately. May as well drown in it! I turned around and immediately locked eyes with the one person that made my blood boil more than Sebastian.

Hope’s full attention was focused on me, and the world in my peripheral vision stopped as we stared at each other.

She wore dark distressed jeans and a black t-shirt. No jewelry, no watch, only her tattoos as accessories. Her lips were slightly parted but not smiling. Those eyes, however, seemed challenging and too damn interested. She looked like she was sizing me up.

Fuck. Shit.

Leaning back in her chair, she had one arm hooked behind her on the back of her seat and one arm resting on the table. She was staring at me, and unwanted heat rushed to my face.

There was a time when I had all of her attention and loved it. As much as I wanted her to leave me alone, I also liked how she seemed surprised. I liked the way she was looking at me right now.

And then I remembered that I hated her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forgot what fanfic had sebastian’s last name as hayes but im using it as that :)


	6. Chapter 6

The rest of the day unfolded as one surreal moment after another. I had to constantly tell myself that I was in a dream and this wasn’t really the first day of school. I received mounds of admiration over my lunchtime rumble, and I felt like this couldn’t really be my life.

After my high dissipated, it occurred me that I’d hit another student on school grounds. I could get in trouble—a lot of trouble—for that. Every announcement or knock at a classroom door had my hands shaking.

I texted Lizzie after leaving the lunchroom, and apologized for ditching her. Since I hid in the library for the rest of lunch, I had time to try to figure out what the hell was going on with me. Why hadn’t I just walked away from Sebastian? Had it been fun to knee him in the balls? Yes. But I was losing control lately, and perhaps I was taking Lizzie’s advice of fighting back too literally.

“Hey, Jackie Chan!” Sasha Stoteraux, a fellow senior in my Government class, sat down next to me. She immediately reached into her purse and pulled out a tube of glittery pink lip gloss, applying it while eyeing me happily.

“Jackie Chan?” Raising my eyebrows, I pulled a new notebook out of my messenger bag.

“That’s one of your new nicknames. The others are Super Bitch and Ball Buster. I like Jackie Chan.” She smacked her lips together and slipped the gloss back into her purse.

“I like Super Bitch,” I mumbled as Mr. Brimeyer handed out the syllabus with a questionnaire attached.

Sasha whispered, “You know, a lot of girls were happy about that scene in the lunch room. Sebastian’s slept with half the senior class, not to mention some juniors, and he deserved what he got.”

Not knowing how to respond, I just nodded. I wasn’t used to people being on my side. My responses to Hope’s and Sebastian’s antics might have changed, but my goal to keep my head focused on school remained the same. My first day had included too much drama already. If I’d kept my head down, I might’ve escaped notice for the most part. But it was almost as if I had no desire to be silent anymore, and my actions were inviting more trouble. What was I doing? And why wasn’t I stopping?

—

Catching up with Madame Tig after school, I was able to get my mind off the day’s events. She expected me to speak to her entirely in French now, and it irked me that the German I learned during the summer was getting me flustered. I kept saying things like “Ich bin bien” instead of “Je suis très bien.” and “Danke” instead of “Merci.” But we laughed, and it wasn’t long before I got my sea legs back.

Coach Mac wanted us on the bleachers by 3:00, so I ran to get changed for cross-country practice. After a year away, my spot on the team didn’t exist, but I had every intention of earning it back.

“Have you had any backlash from what happened at lunch?” Kym Hawkins, our captain now, questioned me as we headed for the locker room after practice.

“Not yet. I’m sure it will come tomorrow, though. Hopefully the Dean will go easy on me. I’ve never been in trouble before,” I replied hopefully.

“No, I mean from Sebastian. You don’t have to worry about the Dean. Hope took care of that.” She glanced back at me as we walked down the aisle to our gym lockers.

I froze. “What do you mean?”

She opened her locker door and stopped to smile at me. “Mr. Vardemus came by right after you left the lunch room asking what happened. Hope walked over and said Sebastian slipped and fell into a table or a chair…or something.” Kym laughed.

I couldn’t help myself either. It was too ridiculous.

“Slipped and fell into a table? And he believed her? ”

“Well, probably not, but everyone backed him up, so there was little Mr. Vardemus could say about it.” She started shaking her head in disbelief. “And when Sebastian finally got back on his feet, he backed up the story, too.”

No, no, no. They did not save my ass!

Caving, I took a seat on the bench in the middle of the aisle and planted my head into my hands.

“What’s wrong? This is good news.” She took a seat next to me and began removing her shoes and socks.

“No, I think I’d rather be in trouble with the Dean than indebted to those jerks.” They wouldn’t have covered for me unless they wanted to administer the punishment themselves.

“Aren’t you applying to Columbia? I don’t think they’re interested in bright, young, scientific minds that have a penchant for assaulting guys. Just saying, anything is probably better than this winding up on your record.”

She rose, finished stripping down, and headed to the shower with her towel. I stayed there a few moments, contemplating her final words. She was right. I had a lot going for me if I could keep my eyes on the ball. My grades were great, I was fluent in French, had a year abroad under my belt and a slew of note-worthy extra-curricular activities. I could survive whatever Hope had up her sleeve.

My first day back at Mystic Falls High School was more eventful than I would have liked, but I was being noticed in a positive way. I might actually leave my senior year with a few good memories, like homecoming and prom.

Grabbing my towel, I headed for the showers.

The hot water cascaded down my back, giving me the kind of chills you get when you’re cozy and enjoying something completely pleasurable. After the workout Coach gave us, I ended up lounging under the exhilarating pressure of the shower for longer than anyone else. My muscles were exhausted.

After coming out wrapped in my towel, I joined the other girls at the lockers, who were mostly dressed and going to dry their hair.

“Get out. Josette stays.”

I jerked my head up at the hard feminine voice and audible gasps. I zoned in on Hope…who was now in the girls locker room! I clutched my towel, which was still wrapped around my body, and pulled it tighter as I frantically looked around for Coach.

A chill ran over my body. Her eyes were on me as she spoke to everyone else, and it made me disgusted to see how everyone scurried away, leaving me alone with a girl who had no right to be in here.

“Are you kidding me?” I heaved at her as her advancing steps matched my retreating ones.

“Josette”—she hadn’t used my nickname Josie since we were kids—“I wanted to make sure I had your attention. Do I have it?” She looked relaxed, her beautiful eyes bore into mine making me feel like there was no one else in the entire world but us.

“Say what you have to say. I’m naked here, and I’m about to scream. This is going too far, even for you!” I stopped retreating, but my frustration was evident as my voice raised and my breathing quickened. Score one for Hope. She’d surprised me, and now I was completely vulnerable. No lifelines and…no clothes.

I clutched the towel at the top of my breasts with one hand and hugged myself with the other. All of my important parts were covered, but the towel rode up just under my butt, leaving most of my legs exposed. Hope narrowed her eyes at me before they began to fall downward…and kept going. My mind swirled and my face flushed with heat as she continued checking me out. Her intimidation tactics were stellar.

No smirk accompanied her violation. She didn’t eye-fuck me like Sebastian did. Her roaming gaze was reluctant, as if it was involuntary. Her chest heaved slightly, and her breathing got heavier. Tingles covered my body, and another sensation I was a little pissed off about settled between my legs.

After a few moments, her gaze met mine again. The corners of her mouth turned up.

“You sabotaged my party last week. And you assaulted my friend. Twice. Are you actually trying to assert some force in this school, Josette?”

“I think it’s about time, don’t you?” Surprising myself, I didn’t blink.

“On the contrary,” she said, leaning her shoulder into the lockers and crossing her arms, “I’ve moved on to more interesting pastimes than punking you, believe it or not. It’s been a very peaceful year without your smug, I’m-too-good-for-everyone-else fucking face around these halls.”

Her biting tone was old news, but the words cut me, and I clenched my teeth.

I mocked her with fake concern. “What—are you, big, bad Hope—feeling threatened?” What the hell was I doing? I had an out. She was confronting me. I should be trying to talk to her. Why wasn’t I trying to reason with her?

In an instant, she pushed off the lockers and invaded my space. Walking up to me, she placed her hands against the locker doors on both sides of my head with her eyes glaring down at me. I suddenly forgot how to breathe.

“Don’t touch me.” I’d meant to yell, but it came out as a whisper. Even with my eyes to the floor, I could feel the heat of her stare mauling me as she hovered. Every nerve in my body was on alert at her proximity, and every little hair on my skin stood on end.

Hope moved her head from side to side trying to catch my eyes, her lips inches from my face. “If I ever lay my hands on you,” she said low and husky, “you’ll want it.” She brought her lips in even closer. The heat of her breath covered my face. “Do you? Want it, I mean?”

I met her eyes and breathed her in. There was something I was going to say, but I completely forgot it as her scent invaded my brain. I liked it when women wore perfume, but Hope didn’t wear any. Good. Awesome. The jerk just smelled like soap. Yummy, delicious, vanilla body wash.

Shit, Josie! Get a grip.

Her hooded stare faltered while I maintained eye contact. “I’m bored,” I finally choked out. “Are you going to tell me what you want or what?”

“You know?” She looked at me curiously. “This new attitude you came back with? It surprised me. You used to be a pretty dull target. All you’d do was run away or cry. Now you’ve got some fight in you. I was prepared to leave you alone this year. But now…,” she trailed off.

“What will you do? Trip me in class? Spill O.J. on my shirt? Spread rumors about me, so I don’t get any dates? Or maybe you’ll up your game to cyberbullying.” Though that was no joke, and I immediately regretted giving her the idea. “Do you really think any of it bugs me anymore? You can’t scare me.”

I should shut up. Why wasn’t I shutting up?

She studied me as I tried to control my temper. Why did she always appear so calm, so unaffected? She never yelled or flew off the handle. Her temper was in check, whereas my blood boiled to the point that I felt like I could go another round with Sebastian.

My eyes were level with her mouth as she leaned in slowly. One of her arms stretched over my head resting on the lockers to bring her face within an inch from mine. A sexy grin played on her lips, and I had a difficult time looking away from her full mouth.

“Do you think you’re strong enough to take me on?” Her slow, soothing whisper caressed my face. If it weren’t for her formidable words, her tone might’ve calmed me…or something.

I should move away, but I wanted to appear confident by standing my ground. I could give back as good as I got. At least I thought I could.

“It’s on.” My stare met her as the raspy challenge left my throat.

“Josette Saltzman!” Shocked out of the strange trance Hope created, I looked up to see Coach and half the team at the end of the row staring at us.

“Coach!” I knew there was something for me to say, but words failed. Horror took root in my brain and held it hostage as I tried to search for an explanation. Hope was leaned into me, speaking intimately. It couldn’t have looked good. A few of the girls had their phones out, and I cringed at the sound of pictures being taken. No!

Dammit!

“There are other places for you two to do this.” Coach spoke to me but then looked to Hope. “Ms. Mikaelson? Leave!” She spoke through her teeth, and the girls around her stood giggling behind their hands. No one looked away.

Hope assaulted me with a smug grin before walking out of the locker room, winking at some salivating girls as she left.

Realization dawned, and my eyes widened. She’d planned this!

“Coach—” I started and pulled the towel tighter around me.

“Ladies,” Coach interrupted me, “get on home. We’ll see you Wednesday. Josie? I’ll see you in my office before you leave. Get dressed.”

“Yes, ma’am.” My pulse thumped in my ears. I’d never been in trouble before, not at school. I dressed quickly and tied my wet hair into a bun before hauling ass to Coach’s office. Only a few minutes had passed, but I guessed those pictures were probably up on the Internet already. I wiped the sweat off my forehead and swallowed down the bile rising in my throat.

Hope had sunk low—really low—this time. I came back to town prepared for another year of aggravations and embarrassments, but it chilled my bones when I realized how our exchange must’ve looked. The rumors before had been just that, but now there were witnesses and evidence to our encounter.

Tomorrow, half the school would have some version of what was happening in those pictures. If I was lucky, the story would be that I’d thrown myself at her. If I was unlucky, the rumor would be more sordid.

Kym exited Coach’s office as I made my way in that direction. “Hey.” She stopped me. “I talked to Coach. She knows Hope ambushed you in there… that she wasn’t invited. I’m sorry I abandoned you like that.”

“Thanks.” Relief flooded me. At least my butt was safe from Coach’s wrath.

“No problem. Just please don’t tell anyone I spoke up for you. If people knew I got Hope in trouble, it wouldn’t be good,” Kym explained.

“Are you scared of her?” Hope had a lot of power around school.

“No.” She shook her head. “Hope’s fine. She can be a jerk if she’s provoked, but she’s never concerned me. Honestly, it seems like you’re the only one she wants to beat down—metaphorically speaking, of course.” Kym’s narrowed eyes made me think she was turning over something in her head.

“Yeah, well. Lucky me.”

“Hope’s important around here, so I don’t want people getting on my case about ratting her out.” Her eyebrows lifted as she waited for my understanding.

I nodded, wondering what the hell Hope did to deserve anyone’s loyalty.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i accidentally deleted the comment on the last chapter,,that asked when i was going to post :(( sorry lmao

The fishbowl got smaller over the next few days.

Some people heard that Hope and I were in the locker room having sex. Others believed that I’d invited her in an effort to seduce her. A few thought that she’d come in to threaten me after the episode with Sebastian. Whatever story people latched onto, I was receiving more stares and hearing more whispers behind my back.

“Hey, Josie. Do you just screw in the locker room or do you do blowjobs as well?” Alyssa Chang, queen bee of the mean girls, shouted to my back while I walked to Calculus. Her drones laughed with her.

I spun around to face them and held my hand to my heart. “And steal all of your business?” I took the time to enjoy their dumbstruck looks before I twisted on my heel and headed to class.

  
As I disappeared around the corner, the echo of expletives from her and her crew brought a smile to my face. I’d been called a bitch before, and it didn’t hurt the way being called a slut did. Being a bitch could be a survival technique. They get respect. There was no honor in people thinking you were a slut.

  
Hope must not have received much of a punishment for being in the girls’ locker room, since she was at school every day and it didn’t help that she was, is, in fact a girl. She didn’t look at me or otherwise acknowledge me even though we shared a class together. I had transferred out of a Computer class in the afternoons, having already exceeded the senior syllabus in France, and transferred into Themes in Film and Literature without knowing she was in that class, too. The elective was supposed to be a cruise course, lots of movies and reading.

“Josie, do you have an extra pen I could borrow?” Jade Tulle asked when we sat down in Themes. She, thankfully, had continued to be friendly and respectful in French, despite the current talk, and I was relieved with the distraction from Hope in this class.

“Um…” I reached in my messenger bag, searching. “I think so. Here we go.” Jade awarded me with a brilliant smile that accentuated her dirty blonde hair and green eyes. Our fingers touched, and I pulled away quickly, dropping the pen before she’d grasped it.

  
I don’t know why I’d pulled away, but I felt Hope’s eyes wash over the back of my head.

“No, I got it!” She stopped me as I bent over to grab it. “Don’t let me walk off with it at the end of class, though.”

“Keep it.” I waved my hand in the air. “I’m stocked. I mostly use pencils, anyway. With all of my Science and Math classes, it’s a necessity. Especially with me…lots of erasing.” I was trying at humility, but it came out as verbal diarrhea instead.

“Oh yeah, that’s right. I forgot you were into that stuff.” She probably didn’t forget. She almost certainly had no idea. My nostrils flared with the reminder of all the damage Hope had done. She was the reason more boys and girls hadn’t taken an interest in me.

“I’m trying to get into Columbia, pre-med. What about you?” I inquired. I hoped I didn’t sound like I was bragging, but I didn’t feel self-conscious with Jade. Her family owned a newspaper, and her grandfather was a judge. She’d probably be applying to Ivy League schools, too.

“I’m applying to a few places. I have no head for Math or Science, though. It’ll be Business for me.”

“Well, I hope you like some Math. Business goes with Economics, you know?” I pointed out. Her eyes widened, and I realized she didn’t know.

“Uh, yeah.” She looked confused, but recovered quickly. “Absolutely. As long as it’s not too much.” She smiled nervously as I registered a snicker coming from behind me.

“So…” I tried to change the subject, “you’re on the Homecoming Committee, right?”

“Yeah. You coming?” Jade looked excited.

“We’ll see. Have you booked a band, or is there a D.J.?” 

Band. Band. Band.

“A band would be nice, but they tend to play one genre of music, so it’s hard to please everyone. We’ll have a D.J. I think that’s what everyone decided. He’ll keep the party going with a good mix: pop, country…” She casted a smile as she trailed off, while I struggled to keep a happy face.

”Oh… pop and country? Can’t go wrong there.” I mentally cringed as I registered another snicker behind me, this time louder. Without the sense to let it go like the last time, I glanced back to Hope, whose eyes were downcast as she fiddled on her phone. But I saw her lips turned up and knew her pent-up amusement was provoked by my conversation with Jade.

Jackass.

Hope knew I hated country music and had little tolerance for pop. As did she.

“So, you like pop and country?” I redirected my attention to Jade. Please say “no.” Please say “no.”

“Mostly country.”

Ugh, that’s worse.

Math and Science? Negative. Musical tastes? Negative. Ok, last ditch effort to find something in common with the girl I would be sitting next to in two classes this semester. The teacher was going to be in soon.

“You know, I heard we get to watch The Sixth Sense in here this semester. Have you seen it?” My phone beeped with a text notification, but I silenced it and stuck it in my bag.

“Oh, yeah. A long time ago, though. I didn’t get it. I’m not a big fan of those thriller-mystery type movies. I like comedies. Maybe she’ll let us watch Borat.” She wiggled her eyebrows teasingly.

“Hey, Tulle?” Hope piped up from behind us, her inflection overly polite. “If you like Bruce Willis, Unbreakable is a good one. You should give it a shot…you know, if you’re looking to change your mind about thrillers that is.”

  
My desk had suddenly become the most interesting view. I refused to turn around and face Hope. Words failed me when I realized that she’d remembered.

  
Jade turned in her seat and responded, “Yeah, I’ll remember that. Thanks.” She turned back around and flashed me a smile.

  
Hope was bold. She wanted me to know she remembered that Bruce Willis was my favorite actor. We had watched Die Hard one day when my father was gone, because Dad wouldn’t let me see it due to all of the swearing. Hope had a lot of knowledge about me, and I resented that. She didn’t have the right to claim any part of me.

“Alright, class,” Mrs. Penley called out with a stack of papers in her hands. “In addition to the packet I am handing out, Trevor is giving you a template of a compass. Please write your name at the top, but leave the areas surrounding North, East, South, and West blank.”

  
We all took papers, stuffing the list from Mrs. Penley to the side and following the directions regarding the compass. Starting class with an activity relieved me. The tormenting pressure of the stare I could feel boring into the back of my head was distracting, to say the least.

“Ok.” Mrs. Penley clapped her hands together. “The packets I gave you are lists of films where important monologues occurred. As we’ve already started discussing monologues and their importance in Film and Literature, I would like you to start looking up a few of these on the Internet for research. We’ll discuss, during tomorrow’s class, your first project for presenting a monologue to the class.”

  
Solo presentation. Ugh! Acting out a monologue. Double ugh!

“Also,” Mrs. Penley continued, “for various discussions this year, you’ll be asked to pair up with a different person in class. You’ll know who to pair up with based on this compass. You’ll have five minutes to circulate the classroom finding partners for your North, South, East, and West. Whoever you pick to fill in on your North, for example, they will also put you as their North, and so on. Kind of elementary, I know, but it’ll help mix things up.”

  
Group work was fine occasionally, but I preferred to work on my own. My nose scrunched up at the thought of hearing “Buddy up!” constantly this year. Dreadful words.

“Go!” the teacher shouted. The screech of chairs scraping across the floor filled the room. Grabbing my paper and pencil, I started looking for someone not already paired up. As I looked around, others were jotting each other’s names down, while I hadn’t even started.

  
Jade grinned and nodded at me, so I filed over to her where we exchanged names on East. Catching sight of others’ papers and their blanks, I was able to secure West and South from two girls.

I need a North. I mentally sang to myself as I looked around for another partner. Almost everyone scampered to their seats as the five minutes came to a close. I glanced to Hope, who I don’t think even got out of her seat. Everyone probably rushed over to her.

  
This was the part of school I hated. The sinking feeling in my stomach reminded me of all the awkward times, before France, that I’d felt left out. Grade school was easy. I had friends and never had to feel lonely in these situations. High school had made me less confident and more introverted.

  
I was still down one partner and would be left odd man out again. Weary of this feeling after being accepted in France for a year, I grabbed the bull by the horns.

“Mrs. Penley, I’m missing a North. Is it alright if I make a threesome with two others?”

  
Snorts sounded around the room, while some whispered under their breath. I knew I’d walked into that one.

“Hey, Josie. I’ll do a threesome with you. My compass always points North.” Connor Reynolds fist-bumped his buddy as others laughed again.

  
Surprising myself, I threw back, “Thanks, but I think your right hand will get jealous.” The class erupted in Whoa’s and Burn!

  
It was that easy. Due to the use of a couple of immature quips today, I was able to regain a little respect from my classmates. Who knew? Pride hit me, and I had to bite back a smile.

“Does anyone need a North?” Mrs. Penley interrupted the barbs before Connor could shoot back with something else.

Everyone else was seated, meaning they had all of their partners. I kept my attention on Mrs. Penley, waiting for her to just tell me to find a threesome.

“She can be my North.” Hope’s formidable voice hit me from behind, sending shivers down my spine.

  
The teacher looked expectantly to me. This couldn’t be happening. Why hadn’t she gotten off her ass and found a North like everyone else?

“Well, Josie. Go ahead then,” Mrs. Penley urged me.

  
Spinning around, I practically huffed back to my seat without sparing a glanced at my North, and carved “Hope” on my paper…and I think accidentally on my desk, too.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m in a google meet lol

“So when do you come home exactly?” My Calculus homework was done, and my Government book was cradled in my lap as I video chatted with Dad.

“I’ll be home by the twenty-second for sure.”

  
Still more than three months away. My dad’s arrival back home would be welcome. My days felt lonely without him to share things with, and after my mom passed away from cancer eight years ago, our home was even emptier without him around. Lizzie and I had spent time together, but she had a boyfriend. I was slowly making more friends at school, despite Hope’s latest blow to my reputation, but I’d decided to stay in this weekend and focus on planning for the Science Fair. I’d yet to decide on my research topic.

“Well, I can’t wait. We need a decent cook around here,” I chirped, holding my steaming cup of tomato soup. As light as my supper was, the cascading warmth soothed my body. My limbs were still adjusting to the cross-country practices.

“That’s not your supper, is it?”

  
“Yeah.” I drew out like “duh.”

“And where are the vegetables, the grains, and the dairy?”

  
Oh, here we go. “The tomatoes in the soup are the vegetable, there’s milk in the soup too, and I’ll make a grilled cheese to go with it if that’ll make you happy.” My playful air told my dad “see, I’m smarter than I look.”

“Actually, tomatoes are a fruit,” Dad responded flatly, knocking me off my pedestal.

  
Laughing, I put the cup down and picked up a pencil to continue my outline for the essay we were assigned on Henry Kissinger. “No worries, Dad. I’m eating fine. Soup just sounded good tonight.”

“Alright, I’ll back off. I just worry. You inherited my eating habits. Your mom would freak if she saw the things I let you eat.” Dad frowned, and I knew he still missed Mom like it was yesterday. We both did.

  
After a moment, he continued, “You’ve got August’s bills all paid, right? And you have plenty of money in your account still?”

“I haven’t blown my entire trust in a week. Everything’s under control.” He did this every time we talked. I had complete access to the life insurance my mom left me, and he still always asked if I had enough money. It was like I was going to go ballistic with my college fund without him looking, and he knew better. Maybe he thought he was doing his job as a parent the best he could from so far away.

  
My phone buzzed with a text, and I grabbed it off my bedside table.

_Be there in 5._

  
“Oh, Dad? I forgot Lizzie is stopping over. Can I let you go?”

“Sure, but I’ll be leaving tomorrow for a day or so. Taking the train to Nuremberg for some sightseeing. I want to chat with you in the morning before I leave and hear about the Science Fair prep you’re doing.”

  
Ugh, shit. No prep had been organized, because I hadn’t even come close to deciding my project.

“Ok, Dad,” I mumbled, leaving that discussion for tomorrow. “Call me at seven?”

“Talk to you then, sweetie. Bye.” And he was gone.

  
Closing my laptop and tossing my book onto the bed, I walked to the French doors and opened them wide. School had ended for the week three hours ago, but the sun still cast a radiant glow around the neighborhood. Leaves from the maple outside my doors rustled in the subtle breeze, and a few tiny clouds sprinkled the sky.

  
Turning around, I slipped out of my school clothes and into a pair of plaid pajama shorts with a white and gray fitted raglan t-shirt. I let out an overly dramatic sigh. Of course, I would be in my pajamas at six p.m. on a Friday night.

  
The doorbell echoed from downstairs, and I jogged to answer the door.

“Hey!” Lizzie breathed, stepping into the house with her arms loaded down. What the hell? We were just doing my hair, not a makeover.

  
My eyes watered at her perfume. “What’s that scent you’re wearing?”

“Oh, it’s new. It called Secret. You like?”

“ _Love_ it.” Don’t loan it to me.

“Let’s go up to your room. I want to have access to your bathroom when we do this.” Lizzie insisted on coming over to give me a honey hair treatment she read about in Women’s Day. It’s supposed to soothe sun-damaged hair, which she says is a danger with all of the outdoor sightseeing I did this summer and with the cross-country practice.

Okay, so I didn’t really care. I thought my hair looked fine, but I wanted to catch up with her after the busy first week.

“Can I take the chair to the window? There’s a nice breeze coming in.” The honey would be messy, but the room boasted dark hardwood floors, so it would be an easy cleanup.

“Yeah, sure. Just take your hair out of the pony tail and brush it out.” She handed me a brush, and I positioned myself in front of the doors, enjoying the serene evening.

“I’m going to put some olive oil in, to thin it out, and a bit of egg yolk for protein.”

“Whatever you say,” I accepted.

  
As she mixed the ingredients and brought me a towel to protect my clothes, I caught sight of Hope backing up her car from the garage into the driveway. My stomach fluttered, and I realized my teeth were clenched together like glue.

Her black t-shirt rode up as she got out and popped the hood. Grabbing a towel out of the back pocket of her jeans, she used it to unfasten something under the hood.

“So you like the view?” Lizzie’s voice made me blink as she appeared at my side. I quickly looked down.

“Back off,” I mumbled.

“It’s fine. For an asshole, she’s pretty.” She began dampening my hair with a water bottle, while running her fingers through the wet strands.

“But she’s still an asshole.” I looked for a change of subject. “So, how bad is it? The talk at school, I mean?” I had stayed far away from Facebook, Twitter, and the cheer team’s secret blog. Seeing pictures of myself in a towel, photos that everyone in town had probably seen, would only make me want to jump a plane back to France… or murder someone.

  
Lizzie shrugged. “It’s already dying down. People are still circulating this story or that, but it’s lost its momentum. I told you, no prank or rumor will keep the guys away this year. And with this hair treatment, you’ll be absolutely fabulous.” I couldn’t see her face, but I was sure she was kidding around with me. Absolutely Fabulous was a British television show we watched on Comedy Central a couple of summers ago.

  
I tossed around the idea of telling Lizzie about the things Sebastian told me at Hope’s party—the date sabotaging and the rumors. But the drama that followed me every year was embarrassing. I had no interest in being one of those friends always caught up in trouble, so I tried to act like it all bothered me less than it really did.

  
As she started brushing the syrupy mixture onto my hair, my eyes darted to Hope, who was now pulling her shirt over her head. Her amazingly toned arms were put to shame when she turned around, and I saw her chiseled torso. My mouth went dry, and chills shot out like needles over my body.

  
It was the breeze. It was totally the breeze.

“Oh, you get to look at that every day?”

  
I rolled my eyes. “No, I have to look at that every day. Whose side are you on, anyway?” My whine was meant as a joke, but I wasn’t sure it came out that way.

“The girl doesn’t have to talk for me to look. I’m appreciating from afar.”

“You have MG, remember?” It bugged me that she was drooling over Hope, even if it was jokingly. She was beautiful, but it didn’t need to be pointed out like it actually mattered. Her personality sucked.

“How’s everything going with you and MG?” I hadn’t seen him, except in passing since being back to school.

“Oh, we’re fine. He’s gotten his Camaro ready for the Loop, and he’s been hanging out down there a lot. I’ve gone once, but it’s boring hanging on his arm while he discusses cars all night. He doesn’t even race yet. Apparently, there’s a waiting list, and even then you’re behind proven cars that get first dibs, because that’s who the audience wants to see.”

  
I hated to ask, but it spilled out anyway. “How’s Asshole performing out there?” Why did I need to know that?

“Hope? She’s one of the ones that doesn’t have to wait. She can usually just race whenever the mood suits her. According to MG, she’s out there either on Friday or Saturday nights but not usually both.”

“Are you spending enough time with MG?” I’d noticed a change in tone and demeanor when I’d brought him up.

She shrugged. “I feel bad, because I should take an interest in his hobbies, I guess. It’s just that, if he’s not going to race, I feel like I’m wallpaper standing at his side. I don’t know many people or anything about the car scene.”

“Well, maybe you could just go once in a while? Tough it out for him now and then?” I suggested as the weight of my head increased with the amount of honey she piled on.

“I don’t know.” Lizzie walked around me to the doors and peered out. “I’m thinking of coming over to your house more instead.”

I gave her a light kick on the leg.

“Mmm.” She devoured Hope with her eyes as she backed up to my hair. “I hate to say it, but I wonder what it’d be like to have her.”

“Lizzie! Stop it. You’re my friend,” I scolded.

“I’m sorry, okay? It’s just that she wasn’t that bad while you were gone. Honestly. She wasn’t the hell raiser she was before you left.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. I don’t even know if it had anything to do with you. She seemed moodier for a while but then got better. It’s just that I got to see her with different eyes. Before it was always about how she treated you—which was horrible,” she rushed to add. “But after you left, she seemed different. More human.”

  
The idea of present-day Hope as human was incomprehensible to me. She was driven, confident, and severe. That’s the only side of her I’d seen since we were fourteen. I hadn’t seen her happy in years, and I thought for sure she’d be pleased as punch to be rid of me for a year.

  
But why had she acted moodier after I left? It didn’t make sense.

  
Was she having a hard time entertaining himself without her favorite chew toy?

Aww, poor baby.


	9. Chapter 9

“Ugh!” I let out a guttural moan into the darkness as I stared at my ceiling that night, which was lit up by the headlights of another arrival next door.

  
It was after one in the morning, and the bombardment of party noises coming from next door wouldn’t relent. The pillow brought up to both of my ears to drown out the sounds hadn’t helped. Texting Lizzie to text MG to text Hope hadn’t helped. Calling the police and filing a complaint an hour ago hadn’t helped.

  
If it wasn’t the loud music or the constant arrival and departure of muscle cars with their sorry exhaust systems, then it was the shouting or laughing coming from Hope’s yards. I liked loud music, but a party in the middle of the night that was keeping the whole neighborhood awake should be shut down.

  
Throwing the covers off, I stomped out of bed and stood at the French doors. Her whole house was lit up and bustling with noise and activity. Some people stumbled around the front yard, which was littered with red Solo cups, and some gathered in the backyard either smoking or enjoying the hot tub.

  
She is such a dick! My hands were on my hips, gripping harder than usual. What kind of person had no regard for anyone else? The self-absorbed asswipe living next to me, I guess. I had a video chat with my dad in six hours, and I wasn’t going to be up all night just because they wanted to get drunk and high.

  
_Screw it._

I slipped on my purple Chucks and black hoodie and headed downstairs.

  
I opened the door in the kitchen leading to the garage and went to my dad’s workbench, still as organized as we’d left it. Grabbing the big bolt cutters from the bottom tool-box drawer, I maneuvered them up my right sleeve. With my free hand, I opened another drawer and picked a padlock out of the three extras. Sliding that into the front pocket of my hoodie, I headed out.

  
I rounded the corner of my house and strode to the rear, my heart beating faster with every step. Finding the hole I had made in the hedge years ago, I swiped the new growth aside and slipped through. As I took a right and continued to walk, I could hear the partygoers in her backyard on the other side of the hedge. I was about five feet away from them, but there was no way they could see me.

  
Hope’s backyard, as well as mine, was encased by fences on the sides and tall hedges on the back. When I made it to the fence at the other side of her house, I poked my hand through the dense brush of leaves. I tried to push the branches aside as much as possible but still the needle-like sprigs scraped and stung my legs as I shimmied my way through. The party was going hard, and there were tons of people here.

  
What I was going to do needed to happen fast.

  
Taking several glances in all directions to make sure I had arrived unnoticed, I jogged up the side of Hope’s house to the circuit breaker. I’d spent enough time at her house as a kid to be able to find it in the dark. I slid the bolt cutter out of my thin sleeve and clamped both handles down with all of my strength on the padlock securing the panel. As soon as I’d shoved the old padlock into my pocket, I opened the panel door and began flipping switches.

  
I tried not to register what was happening around the house, the sudden loss of music and light, and the cacophony of _What the fuck?_ coming from everywhere. I finished flipping switches, took the new padlock out of my sweater, and secured it to the closed panel.

  
Hope wasn’t stupid. Once she realized that no other houses lost electricity, she’d be out here checking the circuit breaker. So I got out of there. Fast.

  
Running with jello-like legs and sliding back through behind the hedge, I started panting instantly. A drop of sweat glided down my back, and I realized that I wanted to laugh, scream, and throw up all at the same time. I wasn’t certain which law I’d just broken, but I was sure I’d get into some kind of trouble if anyone found out. My legs pumped with liquid heat, making my knees feeble.

  
The anxiety of being caught drove my tense muscles back through my side of the brush and into the garage. I couldn’t help the ear-to-ear smile on my face. I was scared of being caught, but the feeling of giving her a metaphorical kick in the ass made my toes curl.

  
And after all of that, I wasn’t tired anymore. Just fucking awesome.

  
I made sure the doors were locked, out of habit, and ran up the stairs, two steps at a time. I closed the door to my room and, keeping the lights off, went to the French doors and peered outside in hopes of seeing the party disperse. I scanned the front and back yards, and, thankfully, saw a few people heading to their cars. I grimaced as I thought that maybe putting drunken people on the road wasn’t the smartest idea.

  
I saw more and more people heading to their cars and some starting to walk down the street to their homes. The only way Hope could get the electricity back on was by cutting the lock or calling the electric company.

  
As I glanced around, from the front to the back, my eyes quickly reverted to the one light I did see. Hope was standing at her bedroom window with a flashlight in one hand and both hands on either side of the window frame above her head.

  
And she was staring at me.

  
Shit!

  
My pulse sped up again, and a scorching heat washed over my body. My sheer, black curtains were drawn, but I was positive she could see me. Her head was bowed in my direction, and she was still…too still.

  
Throwing off my hoodie and climbing into bed, I resolved to deny anything if she came to my door. Or maybe I shouldn’t, I thought. It wasn’t like she could do a damn thing about it, anyway. Maybe I wanted her to know.

  
I lay there for about two minutes resisting the urge to investigate what was going on outside. It wasn’t hard to figure out that the party was dispersing, though, as the sound of engines fading away filled the neighborhood. Thrill surged through my body, giving me energy enough to want to hop out of bed and start dancing.

I’m awesome. I’m awesome. I sang to myself.

But I froze mid-song and damn near choked on a breath at the sound of a door slamming shut through the house.

  
My house!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> might fuck around and post another tonight😳


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ta da !

“What the…” Tremors shook my legs down to my bones. Was that the vibrations or me shaking?

Scrambling out of the covers, I grabbed my baseball bat from under the bed and ran out of the room. I had no intention of going downstairs, even though that’s where I’d stupidly left the pistol. I just needed to peek over the railing to see if I’d actually heard someone entering my house.

  
My body instantly reacted at the sight of shirtless Hope rounding the corner into the foyer and flying up the stairs. She was definitely pissed and primed for murder with the way she charged up the staircase, taking two at a time. I darted back into my room, letting out a little yelp as I tried to run for the French doors and escape. I had no idea what Hope’s plan was or if I should be afraid, but I was. She’d just broken into my house and that freaked me out.

“Oh no, you don’t!” Hope burst through my bedroom door, and the doorknob slammed against the wall, probably denting it.

  
There was no way I’d make it out the door on time. I spun around to face her, raising the bat. Hope yanked it out of my hands before I even got primed for a swing.

“Get out! Are you _crazy_?” I started to veer around her, trying to get back to my bedroom door, but she cut me off. I was surprised she wasn’t strangling me, judging by the look on her face. Lava was about to come out her nose, I was sure.

“You cut the electricity to my house.” Her nostrils flared as she got an inch from my face and stared me down.

“Prove it.” A tap dance was happening in my chest. No, more like the Paso Doble.

  
She cocked her head to the side, lips curling dangerously.

“How’d you get in here? I’ll call the police!” Again, I thought. Not that it did me any good when I called earlier about the noise. Maybe they’d show up if I was murdered?

“I have a key.” Every word was slow and threatening.

“How do you have a key to my house?” If she had a key, I wasn’t sure if I could call the police.

“You and your dad were in Europe all summer,” she said with a sneer. “Who do you think got the mail?”

  
Hope collected our mail? I almost wanted to laugh. The irony of her doing something so mundane slowed my heartbeat a bit.

“Your dad trusts me,” Hope continued. “He shouldn’t have.”

  
I clenched my jaws. My dad and grandma knew very little about the state of Hope’s and my relationship. If they knew how bad it’d gotten, then they would’ve spoken to her mother. I wasn’t a whiner, and I didn’t want to be rescued. It hurt that Hope was pleasant with my dad but a monster to me.

“Get out,” I gritted through my teeth.

She advanced on me until I was forced back against the French doors. “You’re a nosy bitch, Josette. Keep your fucking ass on your own side of the fence.”

“Keeping the neighborhood awake makes people irritable,” I spit back.

  
I crossed my arms over my chest as Hope braced against the wall with both hands positioned on either side of my head. I don’t know if it was from the adrenaline or her proximity, but my nerves were shot. Something had to give.

  
I looked anywhere but in her eyes. The burning lantern tattoo on her arm was all in blacks and grays. I wondered what it meant. Her abs were tight with tension—at least I hoped they weren’t normally that rigid. The other tattoo on the side of her torso was in script lettering and impossible to read in this light. Her skin looked smooth and…

The air left my lungs as I tried to ignore the tingling sensation in my core. It’s best to just look her in the eye. We hadn’t been this close to each other in a long time, and we’d been nose to nose a lot since my return.

  
Hope must have realized the same thing, because her eyes hardened on me and her breathing turned ragged. Her gaze drifted down my neck to my camisole, and my skin burned everywhere she looked.

  
Refocusing and straightening his expression, she inhaled deeply. “No one else is complaining. So why don’t you shut up and leave it alone?” Pushing off the wall, she started to walk away.

“Leave the key.” I called out, getting used to this new boldness.

“You know.” She laughed under her breath and turned around. “I underestimated you. You haven’t cried yet, have you?”

“Because of the rumor you started this week? Not a chance.” My voice was even, but a smug smile threatened to break out. I was getting off on our confrontation, and the realization that things between us were finally “coming to a head” as Lizzie had said. Look at us already. Hope and I hadn’t been alone in my room in over three years. This was progress. Of course, she was uninvited, but I wasn’t going to nit-pick.

“Please, like I even have to resort to spreading rumors. Your cross-country pals did that. And their pictures,” she added. “Everyone drew their own conclusions.” She let out a sigh and inched towards me again. “But I’m boring you. I guess I have to step up my game.” Her eyes were spiteful, and my foot twitched with the urge to kick her.

  
Why did she keep this up? “What did I ever do to you?!” The question that coursed through me for years erupted out of my cracked voice.

“I don’t know why you ever thought you did something. You were clingy, and I got sick of putting up with it is all.”

“That’s not true. I wasn’t clingy.” My defenses were crumbling. I remembered, very well, the history between the two of us, and her words made me want to fucking hit her! How could she forget? As kids, we’d spent every waking moment together when we weren’t in school. We were best friends. She’d held me when I cried about my mom, and we’d learned how to swim together at Lake Geneva. “You were over at my house as much as I was at yours. We were friends.”

“Yeah, keep livin’ the dream.” She pushed all of our history and friendship back at me like a slap in the face.

“I hate you!” I screamed at her and meant every word. An ache settled in my gut.

“Good!” She shouted in my face, boring down on me. “Finally. Because it’s been a long time since I could stand the sight of you!” She slammed her palm against the wall near my head, causing me to jump.

  
Flinching, I screamed to myself. What had happened to us? She’d scared me, but I stood my ground, telling myself that she wasn’t going to hurt me, not physically. I knew that, didn’t I?

  
My brain shouted for me to run, to get away from her. No tears fell, thankfully, but the pain of her words made my breathing almost turn to dry heaving.

  
I had loved Hope once, but now I knew, without a doubt, that “my _Hope_ ” was gone.

  
As I took a deep breath, I met her eyes. She seemed to search mine, probably for tears. Fuck her.

  
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed flashing lights coming from outside and turned to stare out the window. A small, insolent smile tugged at the corners of my mouth.

“Oh, look. It’s the police. I wonder why they’re here.” Hope couldn’t have missed my insinuation of why the cops were there and who’d called them. I guess they’d finally responded to my noise complaint. Turning my head to face her, I delighted in her fury. The poor girl’s face looked like someone just pissed on her car.

  
She raised her chin and relaxed her brow. “I promise you will be in tears by next week.” Her vengeful whisper crowded the room.

“Leave the key,” I called out to her as she left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prolly not gonna post till friday night,,,gotta work on a presentation for friday about something i have no idea about :/


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lowkey killed my presentation but lol anyways, if you read the one shot, you would understand who madman is now :)

On Sunday afternoon, I was laying out tanning in the backyard when Lizzie arrived and plopped down in a chair at the patio table.

“MG’s been cheating on me,” she cried. Her head was in her hands as she sniffled.

“ _What_?” A shriek sprang out of my throat as I popped my head up. I pushed myself up off my stomach and walked over to sit next to her.

“I saw him last night wrapped around another girl. Apparently, he’s been double dipping for a while! Can you believe it?” She wiped away tears but more fell. Her long, blonde hair looked as if she hadn’t brushed it today. Lizzie was always dressed to impress and never left the house without hair and makeup done. Red splotches covered her face, so I knew she’d been crying for a while. Probably all night.

“What did you see exactly?” I asked, rubbing circles on her back.

“Well,” she said, wiping her tears and taking a breath, “I was at the Loop, and he was there. Hope said he was racing last night, so I showed up to surprise…”

“Wait, what? Hope?” Confused, I interrupted her. “What are you talking about? You’ve talked to her?” I hadn’t seen Hope for two days. She and Lizzie were hardly chummy. 

_What the hell?_

“Yeah…no,” she answered vaguely. “I just ran into her at work yesterday. I was at the theater, and she came in to see a movie. She mentioned that MG was getting a shot at racing last night and that she’d be happy to give me a ride to surprise him.”

Ugh! Was she seriously that stupid? “That didn’t seem a little convenient to you?”

“Josie, what do you mean?” Lizzie looked confused as she blew her nose with a tissue from her bag. I instantly felt guilty for taking the focus of the conversation off MG and turning it to Hope. But I couldn’t let it go.

“Hope, nice girl that she is, offers you a ride to surprise your boyfriend who you conveniently discover has been cheating on you. Lizzie, Hope knew what MG was up to.” I’m sure it’s some code with guys that you don’t get them in trouble with their girlfriends. So why would Hope do that?

Looking puzzled and flustered, Lizzie threw her tissue on the table. “Okay, but it doesn’t change the fact that MG was being unfaithful. I mean honestly, Hope seemed just as shocked as me. She was really nice about the whole thing.”

  
Of course she was. Hope broke up MG and Lizzie, which was a good thing considering, but her actions didn’t spring from the goodness of her heart. She definitely wasn’t protecting Lizzie So what was her angle?

“Alright,” I offered, “so how do you know for sure that MG was cheating regularly? Did you talk to him?”

“Yeah,” she almost whispered. “I had gotten out of Hope’s car. She picked me up since you can only enter by invitation, and we circulated, looking for MG. I saw him leaning against his car with a really sexy looking girl in super-slutty clothes. They were kissing, and he had his hands all over her. There was no mistake.” Her chin started wobbling, and her eyes filled with tears again, so I dug in her bag for more tissues.

  
She continued, “We got into it, and that girl rubbed it in that they’d been hooking up for months! Months! I’m sick to my stomach. I gave that guy my virginity, and now I have to go get checked for STDs.” She continued to cry, and I held her hand while she let it out.

MG had always treated me respectfully, and I was a little heartbroken for Lizzie. What an ass! We’d all hung out for years, and there were few people in this town I could call a friend. Now he was just one more person that couldn’t be trusted. I was jaded when it came to people, but Lizzie wasn’t, and I hated that she was being hurt. She was completely blindsided.

Two things could be safely assumed, though: Hope probably knew MG was cheating for a while but didn’t interfere until now and Lizzie’s breakup with MG served a purpose in her trying to antagonize me.

“Well, I hate to ask a silly question, but how was the race? Did MG win?” He probably hadn’t raced. Another ploy on Hope’s part to get her to the Loop.

“We stayed for a while, but Hope raced, not MG.”

  
Exactly. 

“How come? It might’ve been nice for you to see his ass left choking in the dust.” I tried to sound like I was just lightening her mood, but I really wanted information.

“Oh, it turns out he wasn’t racing last night. Hope misunderstood.” She waved it off.

  
Complete. Set-up.

“But Hope did say she would make sure MG is on the roster for next week, and she’ll beat him for me.” Lizzie let out a small laugh, as if that would make her feel better.

“Are you going to be okay?” The end of a two-year relationship by the time you’re seventeen was going to take time to get over.

“I’m sure…eventually. Hope was really attentive and brought me home early. I think she felt bad that I’d had such a horrible time. Really, Josie, even if she did know, she did me a favor.” Leaning back in her chair, she pulled out another tissue.

  
Lizzie stayed a while. We lay under the sun, trying to cheer each other up. She obviously needed to come to terms with the fact that she gave her virginity and two years to that lothario, and I’d had a less-than-stellar first week of school.

  
MG had cheated on Lizzie I still couldn’t wrap my brain around it. If ever there was a case for longevity in a high school romance, MG and Lizzie were it. So why was I preoccupied with Hope’s role in all of this? Lizzie clearly believed she was on the up-and-up, but I knew she had a plan. Would she listen if I tried to steer her away from her?

  
After Lizzie left, I went back to the patio to clean up and water the plants. Decked out in my little red bikini I’d bought in Europe but was only brave enough to wear at home, I grabbed the hose and turned up the speakers on my iPod dock. Chalk Outline came through ear-splittingly loud as I turned the mist on the flowers and bushes.

  
My hips and shoulders swayed, while my head was lost to the music.

  
A couple of fruit trees decorated our small back patio area along with bushes and various plants and flowers. The cobblestone pavement and smell of roses made our oasis a great retreat. When the weather was pleasant, my dad and I ate most of our meals out here, and I often read in the hammock. Homework was a no-go though, since the birds, wind, or barking dogs created too much sporadic distraction.

  
Speaking of dogs…

  
Excited barking pierced through the music, catching my interest. It was close, like next door close.

  
Madman!

  
Hope and I found this crazy little Boston Terrier when we were twelve. My dad was gone a lot, and my grandma was allergic, so Hope took him home. The dog was insane but completely adorable. We named him Madman. I swear he purposely waited for oncoming cars before he tried to cross a street. Picking fights with bigger dogs was child’s play, and he would jump to amazing heights when he was excited…which was a lot.

  
I switched off the water and walked to the fence separating Hope’s backyard from mine. Squinting through the sliver of space offered between the wooden panels, I felt like I was glowing on the inside. My heart warmed at seeing Madman again.

  
He did the whole “bounce when you bark” thing that little dogs do and switched between racing the length of the backyard to jumping up and down. Even though he was technically Hope’s dog now, in my heart, the little guy was still partly mine.

  
I found a small hole to peer—ok, snoop—through. Hope entered my vision, and I flinched, remembering our last encounter. She started tossing miniature chunks of meat for Madman to catch. The dog gobbled them up and wagged his tail anxiously for another morsel. The little animal seemed giddy and well-cared for.

  
Hope knelt and offered the last piece of meat from her hand. Madman approached and licked her palm after scarfing down the treat. Hope smiled and closed her eyes while Madman stood on his hind legs to lick his master’s face. Hope grinned, and I realized how long it’d been since I’d seen her genuinely happy. Her smile hollowed my stomach, but I couldn’t look away.

  
As my heart tugged at the rare scene of Hope actually looking human, my eyes snapped to hers naked back and the faded scars marring her skin. Funny I didn’t see that the other night when she was shirtless in my room, but the light was dim, so I guess I missed it.

  
Scattered in no particular pattern were welts, about five or so, covering her muscular and otherwise smooth back. She didn’t have them when we were kids. I tried to remember if I’d heard about her getting injured. I came up with nothing.

  
At that moment, Apocalyptica’s heavy cellos vibrated out of my speakers, and Madman’s head twisted towards me. I momentarily froze before deciding to back away. He started barking again, and the sound of claws scratching the fence got my heart beating faster. Madman loved this heavy metal cello music that I’d been listening to for years. From the looks of it, he remembered.

  
Grabbing the hose off the ground, I dropped it again when I heard the fence panels shaking. Turning around, I laughed at seeing Madman climb through one of the loose boards and charge me at top speed.

“Hey, buddy!” I knelt down and caught the little dog in my arms as he squirmed with excitement. His panting breath warmed my face, and the slobber was pretty gross. But he was happy to see me, and I smiled with relief. He hadn’t forgotten me.

  
I stopped dead at the sound of Hope’s voice. “Well, if it isn’t the party pooper disturbing the whole neighborhood with her noise.”

  
My temper flared. She had no problem with my music, just me.

  
I looked up and met Hope’s sardonic stare. She tried to look annoyed with her cocked eyebrow, but I knew she wouldn’t engage me unless she got off on it. She hung over the top of the fence, her body perched on something giving her height.

  
Son of a bitch. Why did it always take me a second or two to remember why I hated her?

  
Her shiny auburn hair was a mess.

  
I loved that.

  
Her blue eyes glowed with confidence and mischief.

  
I loved that.

  
Her toned arms and chest just made me wonder what her skin felt like.

  
I loved that.

  
She made me forget how awful she was.

_I hated that._

  
Blinking, I refocused my attention on Madman and petted his black and white fur in long, soothing strokes. “Mystic Fall’s noise ordinance doesn’t go into effect until 10 p.m.,” I clarified and looked at my invisible watch. “See? Plenty of time.”

  
Madman started playfully gnawing on my fingers, and I shook my head, unable to believe how we could just pick up where we left off after so long. Since Hope’s and my fallout, I hadn’t pressed her about seeing the dog. The only contact Madman had with me over the past few years were accidents like today. But I hadn’t seen him at all since my return, and, even after a year, he responded to me like we’d just been together yesterday.

Hope still stood on the other side of the fence, watching us silently. I couldn’t tell what she was thinking, but part of me wondered why she didn’t try to get the dog back immediately. It almost seemed nice of her to let us visit.

  
I couldn’t help the huge ass smile on my face even though I tried. What the hell? The damn dog seemed so happy to see me that my chest shook with silent laughter. I never had a pet other than Madman, and after being alone the past couple of weeks, I guess I was hard up for a little love. If a dog’s attention could do this to me, I couldn’t imagine how glad I would be to see my dad when he came home.

  
“Madman, come.” Hope barked, shocking me out of my little uptopia. “Visitation’s over.” She whistled and pulled the board back, so Madman could slip through.

“You hear that?” I choked, my lips quivering. “Back to your cell, little guy.” I let the dog lick my face, and then I patted his behind before gently pushing him away. Hope whistled again, and Madman ran back through the fence.

“Hope, are you out here?” a woman called out. Hope turned to the voice but didn’t nod or respond.

“Josie, is that you honey?” Hayley, Hope’s mom, stepped up onto whatever she was standing on to see over the fence.

“Hey, Ms. Marshall.” I waved lazily. “It’s good to see you.” Her mom looked great with her shoulder length brown hair and stylish blouse. A lot better than the last time I’d seen her. She must’ve gotten herself sober in the past year.

  
Growing up, I often saw her hair in messy ponytails from being too hung over to bother with a shower and dull looking skin from lack of healthy sustenance.

“You, too.” Her eyes flickered with genuine sweetness. “And it’s good to see you two talking again.”

  
Of course she had no idea we were still at each other’s throats. It seemed Hope and I had that in common. We kept the parents out of the loop.

“Why don’t you come over for a few? I’d love to catch up with you and see how your year went.”

“Come on, not now.” Hope’s face was twisted up in displeasure, much to my delight.

“That’s sounds great, Ms. Marshall. Just let me throw on some clothes.” Hope’s eyes swept over me, as if just realizing I was in a bikini. Her gaze lingered too long, and yet, not long enough, making my toes curl.

“Fine.” Hope sighed and looked away. “I’m off, anyway.” With that, she hopped off her step and disappeared inside the house. Before I had reached my room to change, I heard the thunder of her engine and the peel of tires.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story ruins every character, i stg you’ll hate everyone.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m so fkn tired. but hopefully this clears up a few things and starts to connect the pieces from the other story as well.

“So why haven’t I seen you in the two weeks I’ve been home?” I asked Hayley after we’d discussed my trip and plans for senior year.

  
She poured more coffee for herself. “Well, I met someone a few months ago, and I stay with him a lot.

  
I raised my eyebrows in surprise, and she must’ve seen it. She shook her head and gave me a contrite smile.

“I guess it sounds bad,” she offered. “Me leaving Hope alone so much. Between my job, her school and job, and then all of the things she’s involved in, we just don’t run into each other a lot. I figure she’s happier on her own more and well…”

Her over-explanation and inability to finish her thought said more about her disappointment over her relationship with her daughter than anything else.

  
And why was she so busy that her being home was unecessary?

“What do mean ‘all the things she’s involved in’?” I asked.

  
She knitted her brows. “Well, she works at the garage a few days a week, races, and then has other obligations. She’s hardly ever home, and when she is, it’s just to sleep usually. But, I do keep tabs on her. When I bought us both new phones for Christmas last year, I installed a GPS app on hers so I always know where she is.”

  
Okay, that’s not weird.

“What other obligations did you mean?” I asked.

“Oh,” she said with a nervous smile, “around the time you left last year, things got pretty bad here. Hope was out at all hours. Sometimes, she didn’t even come home. My…drinking…got worse with the stress of Hope’s behavior.” She paused and shrugged her shoulders. “Or maybe her behavior got worse with my drinking. I don’t know. But I entered rehab for about a month and got detoxed.”

  
Since I’d lived on this street, eight years now, Hope’s mom had had a drinking problem. Most of the time she’d been functional, able to go to work and handle Hope. After she came back from visiting her dad that summer three years ago, she’d changed, and Hope’s mom had sought escape in the bottle more often.

“She got into some trouble, and then she got it together. But steps needed to be taken, for both of us.”

  
I continued to listen, unfortunately too interested into this rare peek of Hope’s life. She still hadn’t explained the “other obligations”, but I wasn’t going to pry further.

“Anyway, a few months ago I started seeing someone, and I’ve been staying with him on the weekends in Florida. Hope has a lot going on, and I just don’t feel like she needs me. I stay here most school nights, but she knows to stay out of trouble on the weekends.”

Yeah, instead of taking her debauchery elsewhere, she brought it home with her.

  
Some people might see her reasoning as logical, since Hope was almost an adult, but I let my judgment form. As much as I liked her, I blamed her for a lot of Hope’s unhappiness growing up.

  
I didn’t know the whole story, but I’d heard enough to figure out that Hope’s father wasn’t a good man. He had left when Hope was two, before I even lived in the neighborhood. Hayley raised her daughter almost completely alone, but she had developed a drinking problem during her marriage. When Hope was fourteen, her father called and asked if Hope could come and visit him for the summer. Happily, Hope agreed and left for eight weeks. After the visit, though, she returned cold and cruel. Her mother’s problem got worse, and she was utterly alone.

  
I’d always known, deep down, that Hope’s problem with me was tied to that summer.

  
The truth was I resented Hayley. And even though I’d never met Hope’s father, I resented him, too. I would take responsibility if I’d hurt Hope, but I had no idea what I could’ve done to deserve her hatred. Her parents, on the other hand, had clearly abandoned her.

  
It was one the tip of my tongue to ask her about her scars, but I knew she wouldn’t tell me.

  
Instead, I asked, “Does she see her father?”

  
She glanced at me, and I instantly felt like I’d invaded Top Secret territory. “No,” was all she said.

-

The next day in first period, I sat taking notes about linear approximations when I got a text from Lizzie. Covertly sliding the screen to bring up the message, I completely lost my attention to Calculus.

_Hope texted me last night._

  
I swallowed hard. Before I had a chance to respond, she’d sent another message.

  
_She wanted to make sure I was o.k. See? She’s not all bad._

  
What the hell did she want with her? Lizzie was pretty. Definitely. She was also my best friend, and that had to factor in somewhere with her.

  
I texted back: **She’s up to something!**

_Maybe, maybe not._ was her response.

  
That was the last I heard from Lizzie until lunch. Physics, P.E. and French passed in a blur as I fought the urge to text her again.

“Hey,” she said as we met in line to grab our lunch.

“Hey, so talk to me.”

“Well, like I said, she texted to see how I was doing, and we exchanged a few more texts after that. I just thought it was nice that she checked up on me.”

  
She thought she was nice? We exited the line after paying and made our way outside, while I tried to sift through how the hell Lizzie went from agreeing with that Hope was a dick to thinking she was “nice.”

“Well?” I was trying hard to seem like I didn’t care. “What could you two have talked about after that?”

“Oh, not much…other than you cut the electricity to her house?!” She laughed it off, but I could tell she wasn’t as amused as I thought she’d be. Maybe she was pissed that I didn’t tell her myself.

“Um, yeah.” I was fighting for words. Hope complained about me to her? “The asshole’s party was too loud, so I shut it down.” I cleared my throat. It didn’t sound as good saying it out loud.

  
We took our seats at a picnic table and began digging into our food. She stayed quiet, but I caught her glancing at me between bites.

“What?” I asked, annoyed. “You told me to play the game, remember?”

“Did you at least ask her to turn it down first?”

“No.” It came out more like a squeaky question. “Well, _yes_. On a different occasion I did.” It started to feel like I was on trial.

“And how’d that turn out?” She paused, water bottle in hand.

“Well, she wasn’t cooperating. So…I incited a panic and yelled ‘cops.’ People kind of left after that.” I tipped my head back and gulped some water to keep from meeting her eyes. I was still proud of that night, but Lizzie clearly didn’t find it funny.

  
Instead, she rolled her eyes. “Josie, when I said to play her game I meant—”

“You meant play her game!” I blurted out. “You didn’t say to kill her with kindness. You’re defending _her_?” What had happened here? It was like I was in the Twilight Zone, and Lizzie had been body-snatched.

“All I’m saying is that Hope has talked to you.” Her voice was calm, the opposite of mine. “That’s it. You look like the bully now. You’ve broken up two of her parties, broken her friend’s nose, and kneed that same friend in the balls.”

  
Great! Fucking great! She’s coming off looking like the victim?

“She’s not telling the whole story,” I sputtered. “She broke into the girls’ locker room while I was getting dressed.”

  
Lizzie frowned, looking confused. “She just talked to you, though, right? She didn’t touch you?” Thankfully, she showed some concern for me, finally. I was ready to rip her head off.

“Well, she didn’t attack me, of course,” I snapped defensively. For a moment, I considered telling her that she’d broken into my house, but that would just send her back to her with questions that she’d answer…her way.

“She has issues,” Lizzie conceded, “but I told you, there’s something going on between you two that you haven’t dealt with. I’m just not convinced that she’s such a bad person after all.”

  
Sweat beaded my brow, and I took a deep breath. “Lizzie, Hope _is_ bad news. You know this. I mean really, she’s a jerk, and I don’t want you making excuses for her. She’s not worth it.”

  
She shrugged, probably not wanting to argue but definitely not wanting to give in. The discussion was over, and for the first time, I wanted to throttle my best friend. My only friend, pretty much.

“So, have you talked to MG at all since Saturday night?” I changed the subject before ripping a bite out of my chicken sandwich.

“No, and I couldn’t care less,” she snipped and concentrated on her phone.

“Uh huh,” I muttered, not convinced. MG and Lizzie had been together longer than any other couple I knew. I had a difficult time wrapping my head around the idea that Lizzie didn’t care about his betrayal and losing him. If I were her, I probably wouldn’t be able to forgive him, but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt.

“Hey, Josie. How are you?” Jade Tulle plopped down on the bench next to me, looking as good as always. We had zilch in common, but she was cute and made me laugh.

“Hi. I’m good. You?” I had spoken to Jade a few times lately. She seemed not to notice the rumour about Hope and me in the locker room.

“I’m good…” She strung out the “good” like she was nervous and looking for what to say next. “There’s this Mexican restaurant, Los Aztecas, that opened up while you were away, and I was wondering if you’d let me apologize for being a dick and not asking you out a lot sooner by taking you to dinner this week?” She raised her eyebrows and waited.

  
A surprised laugh jumped out of my throat. Well, she was refreshingly honest.

“Um, well…” I searched for words. “How do I know you won’t be a dick on our date?” I challenged her. Lizzie giggled beside me.

  
Jade’s eyes smiled, and she bit her bottom lip, clearly turning over something in her head. She took out a piece of paper from her notebook and started writing. After about a minute, she handed the paper to me and walked off. Looking over her shoulder just once and offering a winning smile, she turned and disappeared into the cafeteria.

“What does it say?!” Lizzie peered down at the note in my hand before taking a bite of her chicken wrap.

  
Opening it up, I immediately smiled. She had written a contract.

_To Whom It May Concern,_

_I promise to take Josette Saltzman to dinner. She is pretty, smart, and lovely. I should consider myself lucky if she says yes._

_If I act like a dick, then I am a stupid, brainless asshole. All who see this note have my permission to retaliate in any way necessary._

_The Most Attractive, Humorous, Wealthy Superhero in School,_

_Jade Tulle_

  
I passed the note to Lizzie and watched as she tried not to spit out food during her laughter. Not three seconds later I got a text.

  
_Tonight, pick u up at 7?_

  
She wasn’t giving me much time to think about it, was she? I had been using my dad’s car since returning, so I texted her back and told her I would meet her there. I’d rather have the option to leave when I wanted.

  
_Sounds good!_ she shot back right away.

  
I couldn’t keep the smile off my face, and Lizzie was looking at me curiously.

“Well?” she asked with her mouth full.

“She’s taking me to dinner tonight.” Even though I was excited to be on an actual date, my tone was cavalier. Jade seemed like a nice girl, but I noticed that my heart didn’t beat faster when she was around. Wasn’t it supposed to? “I’m meeting her at seven.”

  
There had been a few dates while I studied abroad, but none of them turned out to be more than friends. Jade and I had different interests, but it wasn’t like guys and girls had been pounding down my door lately. I could go on one date with her. Hey, maybe she’d surprise me.

“That’s awesome. Call me tonight after you get home. I want to hear how it goes,” Lizzie probably knew I was still apprehensive about the attention I’d been getting. After so long of not trusting people and being ignored outside of my small circle, my head fogged at the idea of one of the best looking girls in my class asking me out.

  
Paranoid! I chastised myself.

  
After the latest rumor, things seemed to have calmed down, though. Apparently, Mr. Fitz, the Drama teacher, was caught in a rendezvous with senior Aria Montgomery, so I was old news…for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLL reference at the end lol.


	13. Chapter 13

Dinner with Jade started off with her clearing the air, so to speak.

“I never believed that crap about you, Josie. I’ll admit, I was one of the ones to laugh at first, but after a while all I had to do was look at you or see how you acted in class to know that something wasn’t adding up.” She took a sip of soda and added, “Plus, you look too clean to have lice.”

  
I shook my head and smiled at those stupid rumors. “Well, you’d be one of the few to think differently of me, then. But be honest. It was the picture of me in my towel that got you, wasn’t it?”

  
Jade nearly choked on her chip as she laughed. Blowing off all the shit of the past few years seemed like the best idea right now. Hope was drama. Lizzie was drama. I wanted Jade to be easy. I just wanted to have fun tonight.

  
We ate enchiladas, and she joked that if they made a Mexican-Sushi restaurant, she would never eat anywhere else again. Even though I wasn’t a fan of sushi, I snorted at the hilarious concept.

“So why did you ask me out?” I dipped one of the remaining chips from our meal in the salsa and took a bite.

“Honestly? I’ve been wanting to for a long time. I never had the guts, though. You’re kind of on my bucket list.”

I wasn’t sure whether that was a compliment or an insult. “How do you mean?” This date might be ending sooner rather than later.

“You know, one of those ‘I-simply-must-do-this-before-I-die’ type lists? I needed to get to know you better. I was always interested. Then, when you came back from Europe, and I saw you the first day of school, I just couldn’t get you out of my head.”

  
I narrowed my eyes, listening to her. I’d kept my head down for most of high school, not knowing that Jade had a crush. I couldn’t help but think how different school would have been if Hope had never turned on me?

“So you’ve been scared away by rumors all these years? What a coward.” I chastised sarcastically. What surprised me was that the barb came out of my lips so easily. I wasn’t nervous around her, and my shoulders relaxed. It nipped at the back of my mind that it also meant that I didn’t care what she thought either.

  
She leaned in, her full lips turned up. “Well, I hope I’m remedying that tonight.”

“So far, so good.”

  
We left the restaurant and laughed as we walked around downtown, talking about plans for college. On the way back to our cars, I sucked in a breath as she leaned in to kiss me. Surprisingly, her lips were soft and gentle, and her warmth willed me to lean into her. I placed my hands on her chest as she wrapped her arms around me, and she didn’t try to force her tongue into my mouth. It was safe…comfortable.

  
Definitely not what it should be.

  
I hadn’t experienced any of the thrill Lizzie talked about when being close to anyone you’re attracted to. Definitely not the kind of excitement I read about in the books about high school girls and fallen angels. And not the kind of pulsing heat I feel when I’m around….no, no!

I stopped my train of thought dead in its tracks. That’s not attraction, I told myself. It’s just adrenaline brought on by confrontation. My body’s reaction to her wasn’t something I could control.

“Can I call you?” she whispered.

  
“Yes.” I nodded, a little embarrassed that my mind was preoccupied on another girl.

  
I was interested in spending time with her again. Maybe the spark hadn’t been there tonight, but I was stressed, and she deserved another chance. Maybe it just took time.

  
Jade waited for me to get into my car before she pulled out. Grabbing my phone, I hurried to text Lizzie and share the details of my date. Even with the slight doubt about my attraction, I had a good time and was excited to share good news with her.

  
**Can I come over?**

  
_Did you have fun?_ she asked.

  
**Yes, but I wanted to talk…in person. I am not about to have a whole conversation over text messaging.**

  
_Was she nice?_

  
**Yes! It was good. No worries. Just kind of excited and wanted to talk.** My impatience almost made me start the car and head to her house without an answer.

  
_I have to work late. See you tomorrow before class?_ My shoulders slumped slightly at her response. I was close to her work, but I wasn’t going to bug her there.

  
**Yeah, that’s fine. ‘Night.** I shot back.

  
_‘Night! Glad you had fun._

  
Just then, I heard the rumble of a motorcycle engine cruise past my car and perform a U-turn ahead. It came to stop on the other side of the street, about fifty yards away, in front of Spotlight Cinemas—where Lizzie worked. My fingers tingled at the sight of Hope, and everything else stopped. She left the engine running as she sat back, holding the bike in place with both jean-clad legs on either side of it. She took out her phone from her black hoodie and appeared to be texting…and waiting.

  
Not a minute later, Lizzie came bouncing out of the theater, running up to her. She leaned in and touched her arm.

  
Holy mother son of a…

  
I was having trouble breathing. What the hell am I seeing right now?

  
I watched as she smiled up at her. She grinned back at her but didn’t touch her. She was so intimate with her. Taking off her helmet, she offered it to her with a few words. She wasn’t getting the smirks or threatening kinds of looks I received. She ran her fingers through her mussed hair before taking the helmet and putting it on her own head. She fastened the straps for her before she climbed on behind her and wrapped her arms around her stomach.

  
I instantly slouched in my seat as they sped past me. They both knew my dad’s car, but I was hoping they wouldn’t notice it. At any rate, it wasn’t like they were going to stop and say “hi.”

  
Needles dug under the surface of my skin, and my ears were ringing. My throat ached as I fought back tears.

  
She had _won_ over Lizzie.

  
Lizzie had _lied_ about working late.

  
She had _her_ arms _around her_.

  
I wasn’t sure which one I was most upset about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh oh.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW // explicit fighting and mention of blood

After sitting in my car for more minutes than I cared to admit, I was calm enough to drive.

The entire time it took me to get home and stalk up my front porch I had several versions of internal conversations with Lizzie and choice monologues directed at Hope, including all of my favorite expletives. The more I talked to myself, the more pissed I got. Screaming, crying, stomping on some bubble wrap—they all sounded good right now.

What was she thinking? Even if Hope had smooth-talked her, was it worth hurting her best friend over?

I now guessed what Hope move was. She was trying to turn my friend against me. Lizzie was very aware of what Hope had done to me, but she had gotten to her. She brought it to her attention that her boyfriend was cheating and then swooped in to pick up the pieces. How else could she be so weak-minded?

She needed to know Hope was using her. But how the hell could I tell her that?

Keeping myself busy so I wouldn’t do anything stupid, I finished my Calculus homework, completed the assigned reading for Government, and cleaned out the refrigerator and cabinets of expired food. After I’d exhausted myself with enough chores so that I’d finally stopped talking to myself, I walked upstairs to take a bath.

About an hour after I’d gotten out of the tub, the whir of Hope’s motorcycle sounded down our street. I leapt out of bed to spy through the window. Noticing that the clock read midnight, I calculated that it’d been three hours since I’d seen her with Lizzie.

Three fucking hours! What’d they been doing?

She arrived home alone. That was good, at least.

As she pulled into her driveway, I noticed the headlights of another vehicle coming to an abrupt stop in front of her house. Hope hopped off her bike and removed her helmet but kept it secured in her hand. She raced to the curb to meet the car’s occupants. The driver and his passenger had already vacated the car and met up with Hope toe to toe.

_What’s this?_

Hope towered over them, maybe not in height, but in build. She had been short at fourteen, but by now she had to exceed five feet. Judging by the way she got in their faces, these guys were not her friends.

I opened the double doors to get a better view. Hope waved the helmet in the space between them, and the other guys were yelling and trying to advance in her face. I caught the words “ _fuck you_ ” and “ _get over it_.” They continued to bark at each other, loudly and intrusively.

It was hard to catch my breath all of a sudden. Their argument seemed to be getting out of control. Should I call the cops?

As much as they pushed into her space, Hope didn’t retreat. The odds were against her though. Shit, Hope. Just get out of there.

One of the men pushed her, and I flinched. Reacting, Hope got in the guy’s face and pushed into him with her body until the guy was forced to back up.

At that moment, Sebastian’s GTO sped down the street to a screeching halt. As soon as the strangers saw him hop out of his car and run in their direction, they started throwing punches at Hope. She lost hold of her helmet, and it slammed to the ground.

Hope charged one of the guys, and they dropped to ground level looking like an MMA fight. Each boy rolled on the lawn, jabbing and belting.

Snatching my phone off the bed, I raced out of my room and down the stairs. Pulling open the drawer to the entryway table, I grabbed the Glock-17 my father instructed I keep there when I was home alone.

I clutched the door knob. Call the cops or go outside? This would be over before the cops got here.

Screw it.

I swung open the door and stepped onto the porch. The boys were all on Hope’s front lawn, with Sebastian and Hope straddling their opponents, punching them into oblivion. My heart pounded at the display, but I couldn’t look away. The sense of urgency that made me run outside lessened when I realized Hope was winning.

Mesmerized by the fight happening in front of me, I blinked when I heard Hope’s disgusted howl. Her opponent, an older, tattooed guy, had pulled out a knife and sliced her arm. I ran down the stairs, gun in hand, in time to see Hope dive for her helmet and hit the guy over the head with it. The other guy crumpled to the ground, moaning and blood dripping off his forehead. The knife lay on the grass at his side. Hope stood up, hovering over the nearly-unconscious guy.

Sebastian pounded his fist one more time into his opponent’s gut, and swinging him over his shoulder, he dumped him onto the ground near his Honda.

Hope left her opponent bloody and barely moving on the ground, while she squeezed her left bicep. The arm of her black hoodie was blood-soaked and glistened where she’d been cut. My worried eyes shot to the hand on that arm. A steady red stream dripped off her fingertips. I had a brief impulse to go and help her but resisted. The kindness would only be thrown back in my face. She and Sebastian would need trips to the ER, but as it was a school night, Hope’s mom should be home.

Walking over to the Honda, Hope raised her helmet above her head and brought it down with a deafening crash on the windshield. Again, she repeated the action, smashing the windshield again and again until it was shattered beyond usefulness.

Heading back towards the house, Hope stopped by the man on the ground. “You’re not welcome at the Loop anymore.” Her voice was low and strained. Her tone was eerily calm.

I could do nothing but stand there, paralyzed with shock at the scene I’d just witnessed.

As Sebastian bent to pick up the second guy, his attention snapped to me. “Hope,” he warned. Hope, following his gaze, turned her eyes on me.

A little too late, I realized I was standing with a gun…in the open…in my underwear. My Three Days Grace t-shirt and red boy shorts covered me, but they were tight. My feet were bare, and my hair hung loose down my back. The Glock secured tightly in my right hand hung at my side with the safety on. Was the safety on? Yes, the safety was on…I think.

Sebastian was bleeding from the nose, no doubt broken again, but he grinned at me. Hope looked…dangerous. She studied me, her now, dark eyes and severe brow making me feel more exposed than I already felt. Her hands clenched into fists, while her gaze traveled warily down my body and then to the gun in my hand. I could feel the energy coming off her in heat waves.

Ugh, I’m a stupid girl! Had I really wanted to help her?

I cocked my eyebrow and pursed my lips in an effort to look annoyed. What an asshole to bring this drama to our street! Turning, I walked quickly up my porch steps and slammed the front door behind me.

Taking the gun to my bedroom that night, I wasn’t sure what I was protecting myself from. A damn gun wasn’t going to keep those blue eyes out of my dreams.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> barely proofread this and kinda rushed it,,,so like idc anymore lmao

The bubble-popping sound of my computer sounded early the next morning, notifying me that I had an incoming call.

“Hey, Dad,” I drawled out sleepily after clicking on the call.

“Good Morning, Pumpkin. Looks like I woke you. Sleeping in today?” He sounded concerned.

Glancing at the clock on my laptop, I saw that the time read six thirty. “Damn!” Throwing off the covers, I ran into my closet. “Dad, can I talk to you after I get home tonight? I’m supposed to be in the lab in thirty minutes.”

Tuesdays and Thursdays worked best for Dr. Williams, my mentor and Chemistry teacher from Sophmore year, so I opted to make it to the lab those mornings for some extra work time on my Science Fair research.

“Yeah, sure, but it will be pretty late for me…or early, actually. Listen, I just needed to tell you that Grandma is coming in tonight.”

I poked my head around the closet door and suppressed a groan. “Dad, do you think you can’t trust me? I’ve been just fine here by myself.” It almost felt like I was lying. Everything from the night before, Lizzie and then the fight, hit me so hard that I wanted nothing more than to punch something.

“I trust you completely …but your grandma doesn’t.” He laughed. “She’s just worried about you being on your own, so she said she’d come by for a few days, possibly a week, and lend a hand. You are still a minor after all, and she keeps watching those news shows like Sex Slaves in the Suburbs. She worries.”

My dad and his mom hated the idea of me practically living alone for three months, but my desire to be in my own school for my senior year won out.

I shimmied into some skinny jeans, slipped a long-sleeved, fitted violet tee over my head, and walked out of the closet.

“If it will put her mind at ease, but as you can see, I’m fine,” I sighed.

“I’m not even sure what the law says about this, actually. You are staying out of trouble, right?” His eyes narrowed at me as I slipped on some black ballet flats. Dad was calm about most things, but trying to parent me from Germany was driving him up the wall. This was the seventh time we’d talked in the past two weeks. With the time difference, that was an accomplishment.

“Of course.” I almost choked on my words. If you could call running out of the house to possibly shoot a couple of street thugs “staying out of trouble…” “And I’ll be eighteen in a couple of weeks. I’m barely a minor anymore.”

“I know.” My dad exhaled wearily. “Alright, I’ll let you go. Just be home for dinner for your grandma tonight.”

“Yes, sir. I’ll call you tomorrow morning. Sound good?”

“Talk to you then. Have a great day, Pumpkin.” And he clicked off.

-

The breakfast bar and juice box I grabbed before leaving the house held me over during the lab work, but by first bell, the hunger pangs started. Coupled with the fact that Lizzie hadn’t shown up or texted back this morning, I rushed in aggravation down the hall to the cafeteria for a vending machine run before class.

My concentration was flying in five different directions this morning. I’d forgotten to run to the hardware store for supplies last night, so the research I’d wanted to accomplish this morning turned out to be very little. After I broke a beaker and damn near burned my hand with the Bunsen burner, I’d cleared out of the lab before I killed myself.

My jaw ached from clenching my teeth all morning. Images of Lizzie’s legs hugging Hope’s hips on the motorcycle kept assaulting me. “What if’s” of what would have happened last night if that knife had sliced Hope’s neck or stomach instead of her arm flashed through my mind.

Rounding the corner, I immediately halted.

_What_? WHAT!

Lizzie leaned against the yellow wall next to the cafeteria doors, while Hope leaned into her. Her arm was posted to the wall above her head, and her head was dipped, bringing her lips within inches of hers. The white top she wore rode up to reveal a sliver of skin as Hope’s thumb caressed Lizzie softly while holding her hip.

She said something against her lips, and Lizzie’s chest rose and fell in deep breaths.

_No._

My heart pounded, and heat rushed through my body. I watched Hope finally catch Lizzie’s lips with hers. Lizzie slowly pulled Hope’s body to her, and she wrapped her arms around her neck. Nausea rose in my throat, and my eyes burned. Lizzie looked like she was at a buffet, savoring all of the desserts one bite at a time.

That bitch!

Wait, what? I should be mad at Hope, if not more so than Lizzie, then at least equally. Hope had pursued her, and I knew, with all certainty, that it was to hurt me. Why did I want Lizzie off of her instead of Hope off of Lizzie?

Luckily, nearly everyone was already in class. Otherwise, they’d be putting on quite a show. I was their only audience.

As I glanced to them again, Hope’s lips were still devouring her. She nibbled at her mouth before moving on to her neck, achieving a groan of pleasure from her. Lizzie’s eyes were closed, and she bit her bottom lip, showing that she was putty in Hope’s hands. She did look like a good kisser, and I was breathless with the ache in my chest. I flinched when I saw the delicate way she buried her lips behind Lizzie’s ear.

Oh, Christ.

The second bell sounded. We had one minute to get to class. Lizzie jumped and giggled at the interruption. Hope gave her a smirk before tapping her on the tip of the nose. As she turned to run to class, she gave her a light slap on the ass.

I dashed back around the corner. If she didn’t follow her, then she was coming this way. I definitely didn’t want her to know I’d witnessed their display. My anger fed her hunger, and I didn’t want to lose my cool around her.

“Hey, man.” I heard Sebastian’s voice as he barged through the cafeteria doors. “Was that Lizzie that ran off? You haven’t tapped that yet?”

Hope exhaled a small laugh as their footsteps came closer. “Who’s saying I haven’t?”

I swallowed hard.

“Uh, because you’ve never been seen with a girl after you’ve fucked her. I doubt you even wait until the panties off before forgetting their names.”

Hope stopped just in front of the stairs across from the darkened doorway where I’d hidden. She knit her brows together in surprise. “And you do?” she asked defensively, shoving her hands into the pockets of her jeans.

“Yeah, yeah. I know.” Sebastian rolled his eyes, bruised from the night before. His nose wasn’t bandaged, but it was cut. “I’m just saying, you never had to work this hard to get anyone into bed.”

“I’m in no hurry. I might want to play around with this one for a while.” Hope shrugged as she started to climb the stairs but stopped and turned to face Sebastian, looking like she was about to say something before Sebastian cut her off.

“Josie’s going to be pissed,” Sebastian’s voice sounded amused, and I wanted to run at hearing my name.

“The whole point,” Hope stated flatly.

“Oh…so that’s the plan.” Sebastian nodded, finally understanding the end game.

My throat tightened, and my mouth was dry. Hope knew she was my best friend, my only friend pretty much, and losing her would make me miserable. The tightness spread to my jaw, and I shook my head in disgust. She hated me that much?

“Thanks again for backing me up last night.” Hope jerked her chin at Sebastian before turning to the stairs.

Sebastian spoke, accent deep. “This thing, with Josie…” Hope stopped and turned again. Sebastian continued, “why do we do it? I know I’ve asked before, but you don’t tell me shit. I just don’t get it.”

Hope’s eyes narrowed. “I think you go above and beyond. You mess with her without me telling you, so why do you care?”

Sebastian let out a nervous laugh. “This isn’t about me. I never wanted to make an enemy of that girl. She came outside last night like she was ready to back us up. She’s hot, athletic, tough, and she can handle a gun. What’s not to like?”

Hope descended the stairs to stand one above Sebastian. Her dark brow pulled together in a scowl as she stared her friend down. “ _Stay_ away from her.

Sebastian held up his hands. “Hey, man, no worries. She broke my nose and kicked me in the balls. I think that ship’s sailed. But if you don’t want her, why can’t anyone else have a shot? ”

Hope paused as if searching for words. Them she let out an exasperated sigh. “I’m not standing in her way anymore. If she wants to date and screw everyone in the school, she can have a ball. I’m done.”

“Well good, because word is she went out with Jade Tulle last night.” Sebastian’s tone sounded a little too pleased to deliver that news. Hope’s eyebrows pinched closer together, if that was possible. Her grim expression accompanied by her dark looks made her appear formidable.

“That’s fine,” she said, but her jaw remained clenched. “I couldn’t care less. They can all have her.”

My breath caught in my throat.

She finished climbing the stairs and disappeared. Sebastian stared after Hope for a moment before continuing down the hall and disappearing himself.

The stabbing sensation in my throat surrendered to the tears wanting their release. I raced to the nearest ladies room and locked myself in a stall. My back collapsed against the wall, and I slid down until my rear landed on the floor. Hugging my knees, I gave myself over to the tears. My breakdown was quiet, the misery uprooted from my gut and not my throat. The worst part was I didn’t know if I was angry, sad, desperate or miserable. The deep wailing came from my body silently, but the tears streamed down my cheeks like a river.

Hope indulged in my misery like it was candy. She had fed me to the wolves time and again, reveling in the unhappiness she caused. Hope, my friend, was completely gone, leaving a cold monster in her place.

Her last words also irked me. She was setting me free, allowing me to date. The nerve! In my sick, twisted attachment to the girl who used to be my friend, I still took some comfort in the attention she showed me. Even if it was negative attention, at least she acknowledged my existence in some way. Maybe, if she still took the trouble to cross my path, then she might be holding a piece of me with her, too. But she was done, as she’d said.

As I stood, I remember that Hope had promised to have me in tears this week. Job well done, and it was only Tuesday. Wiping my eyes, I had to admit that the dick had skill.

-

“Sorry I left you hanging this morning,” Lizzie apologized while sliding her leg over the picnic table bench. She was late to lunch, too. “So, tell me everything about last night!” She sounded plastic, like her excitement took effort. Her head was elsewhere.

Last night, I thought. The first image that hit me was her and Hope on her motorcycle, and then the kiss this morning. The second thing that came to mind was the fight I’d witnessed. The super scary figure Hope presented last night as she pounded her opponent was why people at this school fell in line around her. Some wanted to be in her orbit while others kept a respectful distance. Some people wanted to be recognized by her, while others considered themselves lucky to be unnoticed.

“Last night? Why don’t you go first?” I looked at her out of the corner of my eye while I sipped my water. I tossed around the idea of acting like I knew nothing, but her and Hope weren’t going to be in control of my emotions. This needed to be settled.

“What do you mean?” Lizzie was wide-eyed.

Gotcha.

“You’re going to lie to me then? I saw you. I saw you and her on the motorcycle last night and then again this morning by the cafeteria.” I pursed my lips and threw my wadded up napkin on the table.

“Josie, this is why I didn’t tell you…”

“Tell me what? That you’re screwing the girl that hurts me? That you two are laughing behind my back?” My voice cracked, but I was grateful that I hadn’t started yelling.

“It’s not like that.”

I knew she didn’t want to hurt me, but I just couldn’t listen to it. There was no excuse. The heat of anger clouded my reason. I was fucking mad, and I wanted her to feel as bad as me.

This is how bullies are made I thought, but it still felt good to lash out, and I didn’t want to stop.

I let out a small, spiteful laugh. “You know, I think I might have to thank Hope for saving me from all this drama over the years. Friends I can’t trust and boys that would only piss me off. What are you doing with her?”

She ignored my question. “Hope saving you from what? What do you mean?”

Bloody hell. What did she care, anyway? I should just walk away, but I didn’t.

“Sebastian told me all about how they both sunk every potential date I had freshman and sophomore year. They started all of the rumors and ruined any hope I had of making friends or getting a relationship.”

“You’re listening to Sebastian now?” She slammed me with an accusatory tone.

“Seems reasonable, doesn’t it? Sebastian wouldn’t lie about his best friend. And he wouldn’t tell me if he thought Hope would be mad. I think they’re both proud of themselves.”

Hope’s pleasure would come from me starting a fight with my best friend over my hatred of her or her involvement with Hope. The painful lump in my throat got bigger. I wanted to calm down and fix this, but it took every ounce of reason I had to not walk away. She’d betrayed me, but she’d also stuck by me through everything. I owed it to her to not run away at the first sign of trouble.

“Lizzie” I continued after a couple of breaths, “I’m not okay with this. If you’re going to date Hope…” I guess I shouldn’t worry about running into Hope at Lizzie’s house or trying to double date. If she succeeded, I’d lose my friend, anyway. I should tell her that she was using her, but that’d just piss her off. “I don’t trust her, and that’s not going to change.”

Lizzie looked me in the eye. “And we’re friends. That will never change.”

Still mad as hell at her, I exhaled the breath I’d been holding. “Is it worth it?” I asked. “Dating her when you know I hate her?” Why was this so important? Did she really mean anything to her?

She offered a tight smile, eyes downcast. “She deserves how you feel about her, but what good has it done you to carry around this hatred?” Annoyed, I shook my head. Believe me, if I could get rid of it, I would.

Last ditch effort to get her to use her head. “You know Hope is a major player, right? Like she’s had a lot of girls and guys in this school and a few other schools, too.”

“Yes, Mom, I’m aware of her history. I’m not an easy target, you know?”

“No, but Hope is a good shot,” I deadpanned.

We both looked at each other and laughed. The tension in my chest eased as I realized our friendship was safe…for today.

“Come over for dinner. We need a girls’ night,” Lizzie asked while peeling an orange.

“No, I can’t.” I was exhausted, and to be honest, I didn’t want to act like everything was okay. “My grandma is coming in today. I’d invite you over, but I’m sure she’ll want to do a lot of catching up. It’s been over a year since I’ve seen her. “

“Yeah, right.” At that moment, she got a text. Opening it up, she grinned from ear to ear as if enjoying a private joke.

Noticing me watching her, she gave me an apologetic smile and continued eating. Glancing at the windows to the cafeteria, I spied Hope inside, leisurely sitting at her table with her phone in her hand. She smirked at me, and I knew she’d been watching us.

And I wiped a fake tear with my middle finger. Again.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The most powerful and courageous heroes I know are those who bite their tongues when justification, validation, temptation, or vengeance would have them strike with truthful, hurtful words.  
> — Richelle E. Goodrich

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to user tcatch20 i’m sorry, i was joking XD but of course, #hosieendgame :)

By early afternoon, yawns were erupting from my body every five minutes. After the wake-up call, the lab, the episodes between Hope, Lizzie and Sebastian, the sob session in the bathroom, and the heart-to-heart at lunch, my body needed to shut down for a while. One more class and I could head home to crash. If I were lucky, we’d be watching a movie in Themes. When I remembered that Hope shared this class with me, though, a renewed tension spit fire through my shoulder and neck muscles.

After I sat down, Connor Reynolds walked up to my desk and leaned in. “Hey, Josie, how about you come out with me this weekend?”

I couldn’t help but laugh to myself. This guy passed me in the hall last week and grabbed his crotch in my direction. “No thanks, Connor.” With his blonde hair and hazel eyes, he was somewhat cute, but too stupid to tolerate. If he wasn’t cracking some immature joke, then he _was_ the immature joke.

“Oh, come on. Give me a chance.” His long, sing-song tone sounded like he was speaking to a toddler.

“Not. Interested.” I made deliberate eye contact, shooting him a warning with my eyes. It was definitely no secret now that I could handle myself. He should take the warning. Opening my notebook and looking at my notes, I hoped he’d take the hint that this conversation was over.

“I don’t get you.” Nope. As I said, too stupid. “You give it to Mikaelson in the locker room last week, and then you let Tulle take you out. You probably gave it up for her, too.” He leaned in further and ran his hand up my arm.

Every nerve in my body was electrified. I wanted to bring this guy’s head down on my knee hard enough to sprout blood flow that would rival Niagara Falls.

“Leave,” I gritted out, still trying to study my notes. “That’s your last warning.” I couldn’t even look at him, as gross as the encounter had made me feel. The idea of everyone thinking I was some sleazy throw-away made the walls cave in on me. As much as I tried to act like this was normal for me and that I was used to it, it still felt like shit. What people thought of me mattered.

“Hope’s right. You’re not worth it,” Connor whispered with a snarl.

“Sit down, Connor.” The deep, commanding voice startled us both.

Looking up, I saw Hope standing behind Connor, giving him her death glare. My heart skipped a beat when I realized that, for once, Hope’s scowl was not directed at me.

As usual, Hope gave the impression that she could take on an army all by herself.

Connor twisted around slowly. “Hey, man, no offense. If you’re not done with her…” Connor shrugged, backing off out of Hope’s way.

“Don’t talk to her again.” Hope’s voice was even, but her eyes were threatening.

What the hell?

“Go.” Hope jerked her chin, and Connor left as if he was just dismissed.

I let out a bitter sigh. How dare she try to troubleshoot a problem _she_ created? They all, at one time or another, had thought I was a slut because of her. Isn’t this what she wanted? Isn’t me being harassed and uncomfortable the goal of her bullying? Sick of her torment and games, I forced down the urge in my twitching fists to hit her. It was then that I realized I wanted to hurt Hope. _Really_ hurt her.

_I hate you._

My emotions fell into a relaxed lividness. “Don’t do me any favors,” I bit out, meeting her eyes. The satisfaction of hurting her for once would feel fucking great. “You’re a miserable piece of shit, Hope. But then, I guess I’d be miserable, too, if my parents hated me. Your dad left you, and your mom avoids you. But who can blame them, right?”

Hope flinched, and I immediately felt my insides shake. What was I doing? This wasn’t me! Bile rose in my throat. What did I just say to her? I waited for the satisfaction to come, but it never did.

She remained silent, and her eyes narrowed on me with a hint rage and despair. There was no way I could erase what I’d just done to her. Even though she hid her emotions, I’d seen the cringe.

_This is how bullies are made._

I’d just purposely made her feel unloved and unwanted. I’d told her she was alone. Even with everything she’d pulled on me, I’d never felt abandoned or isolated. There was always someone that loved me, someone I could count on.

“Okay, class.” Mrs. Penley walked through the door, startling me. Hope said nothing and continued down the aisle to her seat. “Please take out your compasses and lookup your East. When I say ‘go’, please take your materials and sit next to that person for today’s discussion. Feel free to move desks side by side or face to face. Go.”

Blinking away the tears that’d pooled, I barely had time to catch my breath before my East walked up to me.

“Hey, pretty girl.” I looked up to see Jade already at my side, looking for a vacant desk.

Not today. 

I tucked my hair behind my ears and took a deep breath. Jade and I hadn’t talked since our date last night, and I hadn’t realized that until now. “Hi, Jade.” Hold on for one more hour, I chanted to myself. I needed my music, my bed, and definitely my grandma.

“I’m good. Now.” She flashed a bright smile, and I couldn’t help but exhale a weak laugh. She was a happy person and easy to be with. I’d give her that.

“Alright, everyone, as you did with your South last class, please introduce yourself to your East,” Mrs. Penley instructed the class. Everyone moaned, just like last class, because we all pretty much knew each other anyway.

“I know, I know.” The teacher waved her hands to shut everyone up. “It’s good practice for all of those college interviews you’ll be doing. As well as introducing yourself, I want you, this time, to share your favorite memory to get to know each other. Go ahead.”

Mrs. Penley started circulating the classroom that already buzzed with conversation. I looked to Jade, and we both snorted like this was the last thing we wanted to spend our time doing.

“Hi.” She held out her hand, which I took, rolling my eyes and nodding. “My name is Jade Tulle. My favorite memory is making my first touchdown in high school. Knowing I was varsity, and the crowd was so much more intense, the feeling was incredible.”

It was hard not to sympathize with a memory like that. With all of the spectators cheering her on, I bet it’d been heart pounding.

“Hi, my name is Josette Saltzman.” I waved and felt like I was in a movie during an AA scene where I would tell her “I’m a alcoholic” next. “And my favorite memory was when…” My eyes immediately flashed to Hope and then my desktop. This particular memory was priceless to me, but I had a hard time admitting it to myself. Maybe I should just lie, but then why should I be the one to hide? “Uh, I guess it won’t seem like as big of a deal as yours, but… I had a picnic in a cemetery once.”

Jade’s eyes widened. “Really?” She looked at me curiously. “So what was that about?”

“Well.” I swallowed hard. “My mom passed away when I was ten, and I was afraid to visit her at the cemetery. It really freaked me out. For two years, I refused to go. I hated the idea of her being under the ground like that. So, this girl I was friends with…at the time, she packed a lunch for us and took me to the cemetery one day. I was pretty mad when I realized where she was taking me, but she was told me that I should be happy that my mom was there. She said it’s the prettiest, quietest place in town. She was really understanding and patient. We sat near my mom’s grave and ate our lunch, listened to a radio she brought. She had me laughing in no time. We stayed a while, even after the rain started. Now, it’s one of my favorite places to go. Because of her.” My face hurt, and I realized I had a grin plastered to it during the entire story.

As awful as Hope had become, and now how terrible I’d become, I still treasured that memory. I smiled every time I thought of what she’d done for me that day. She gave me a little of my mom back.

“Wow. My touchdown story seems kind of shallow now.” Jade actually looked interested in what I’d told her.

“I like your touchdown story. I wish I’d had more touchdowns, so to speak.”

“So, are you and this kid still friends then?” Jade asked.

As I looked over at Hope across the room, her gaze caught mine, and the hair on my neck stood on end. Her frosty stare drifted to Jade, and then back to me. No hint of emotion resembling anything human.

“No, we’re practically strangers now.”

-

Walking to my car after school, I noticed Lizzie’s ex-boyfriend leaning against it. “MG?” I asked, momentarily curious as to why he was waiting for me but more annoyed, because I just wanted to get home.

“Hey, Josie. How have you been?” His hands were stuffed in his pockets, and he looked between me and the ground.

“I’m hanging in there. What can I do for you?” I asked abruptly. It was unlike me not to ask someone how they were when they had asked me, but I was upset with MG. He could rot in his own tears for all I cared.

He smiled nervously. “Um, listen. I feel really bad about what happened between Lizzie and me. I’ve tried calling her, and I stopped at the house, but she won’t see me.”

This was news to me. When I’d asked Lizzie if she’d heard from MG, she’d told me “no.” My friend wasn’t as honest as she used to be.

“And?” I opened the door to my dad’s Bronco and tossed my bag inside.

“Josie, I just need to see her.” His eyes were red, and he was fidgeting. “I fucked up. I know that.”

“That’s your excuse?” It was none of my business, but I liked MG. At least I did before he cheated on my best friend. I wanted to understand. “Why did you cheat?

Running his hands through his dark hair, he leaned back against the truck. “Because I could. Because I got caught up in the scene at the Loop. There were always girls around, and I let it go to my head. Lizzie would only come with me every so often, and even then she wasn’t interested.”

My head hurt just trying to think of what to say to him. I couldn’t do this right now.

“MG, I need to go home. I’ll tell Lizzie that you’d like to talk to her, but I can’t be on your side about this. If you deserve it, she’ll forgive you.” Personally, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever forgive him if I were her.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wrangle you into this.”

“Yes, you did,” I joked reluctantly. At heart, I didn’t believe MG was a bad guy. He messed up, though, and I wasn’t sure if it was worth the risk to forgive him. Luckily, I didn’t have to make that decision.

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. You were my last hope. Take care of yourself, and …for what it’s worth, I am sorry about this mess.” He backed away and walked to his Camaro.

Letting out a sigh, I climbed into the truck and drove off before this soap opera of a day turned into Gone with the Wind.


	17. Chapter 17

“Mmmm…what’s cookin’, Good Lookin’?” I yelled as I opened the front door. My body was screaming for my bed, but I decided to put on a happy face for my grandma. I’d missed her.

And I selfishly needed her to remind me that I was a good person. After what I’d said to Hope today, I didn’t even want to face myself in the mirror.

Her arrival could be smelled from the driveway. The rich aroma of sauce and meat danced through my nostrils enveloping me in a warm blanket even before I closed the front door.

“Hi, Peaches!” Grandma seemed to dance from the kitchen to the foyer, taking me into her arms. In the year I’d been gone, I’d missed her scent-filled hugs. The hairspray from her hair mixed with the lotion and perfume she used, and the leather from her belts and shoes created this aroma of home in my mind. After Mom died, I’d needed my grandma a lot.

“Oh, I forgot about “Peaches.” Dad still calls me “Pumpkin.” What is it with you Saltzmans naming me after fruit?” I teased, knowing their endearments were out of love.

“Oh, now. Don’t deny an old lady the pleasure of her pet names.” She plastered a kiss on my cheek with a mwah.

“Grandma, you’re younger at heart than me.” I dropped my bag by the wall and crossed my arms over my chest. “The only thing old about you is your music.” I cocked an eyebrow.

“The Beetles are timeless. Unlike that “screaming” you call music.” I rolled my eyes, and she hooked my arm, leading me into the kitchen.

My grandma is a product of fifties’ parenting—overbearing, every hair in the right place—but she also blossomed during her teens and the rebellion of the sixties. The desire to be active in her environment and experience the world led her to travel a lot as a young adult. When she found out about me going to France for a year, she couldn’t have been more thrilled. Experience is the best teacher. Her echo followed me everywhere.

While she was just over sixty, she looked much younger. Her hair was light brown with some gray, which she usually wore down around her shoulders. Healthy eating and exercise kept her fit, happy, and energetic. Her style was eclectic. I’ve seen her in pants suits and Rolling Stones t-shirts.

“So tell me how school’s been going?” She grabbed come lettuce off the island and began rinsing it in the sink.

“It’s fine.” My bed wasn’t far off now, and my body was too listless to even entertain the idea of actually telling her the truth.

Her eyes shot up at me, though, and she turned off the water. “What’s wrong?” She was breathing through her nose. That’s never good. This woman knew me too well.

“Nothing’s wrong. I said everything was fine.” 

Please just leave it alone.

Her eyes narrowed. “When you’re happy, you tell me everything: homework, Science Club, France, Cross Country—“

“I’m totally fine,” I interrupted, running my hand across my forehead. “It’s been a rough day is all. I woke up late and got off on the wrong foot. So what time did you get in?”

She raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow at my change of subject but let it go. “About noon I guess. I thought I’d get in a little early to clean up and start some laundry…” Her words trailed off as she waved a hand through the air. “But you seem to have it all under control.”

“Well, I was taught by the best. Not that I’m not glad you’re here, but you really don’t need to worry. I’ve been doing great.”

“That’s good.” Frowning a little, she continued, “Actually, it’s great. Knowing you’ll be going off to New York next year worries me, and seeing how well you’ve taken care of yourself and the house helps. I guess you don’t need me or your dad so much anymore.”

“I don’t know about that. My cooking stinks, so having you around means I’ll eat better!” I giggled as she shook the leafy lettuce at me and droplets of water flew across my face.

“Hey!” I laughed, taking a paper towel from the stand on the island and patting my face.

Already feeling a bit lighter, I bounced off my chair to help out with dinner. My grandma put together a salad, pasta, and sautéed mushrooms. I made my mouth-watering garlic bread, which was about the only thing I actually baked in the oven. The rest of my diet usually included whatever could be cooked in the microwave. She set up the table in the back patio, and I put on some ambient music, which was common ground for both of us.

“So you think I’ll get into Columbia?” I asked as we served each other.

“I have a feeling about these things.”

“Yeah, you also had a feeling my first kiss was going to be epic. We both know how that turned out.” I joked with her, completely content with this moment. The food looked succulent, while the weightless breeze brought the trees to life and the smell of roses to our table.

She started laughing, almost choking on her sip of wine. “You know”—my grandma held up a finger— “in all fairness, I didn’t know your first kiss was going to be with someone you barely knew. I thought it would’ve been that kid next door.”

Hope.

My face instantly fell with the reminder of her. Distant memories of the now-ancient dreams I once had for Hope danced through my head. There were so many times growing up that I wanted to kiss her.

“Just because we hung out when I was a tween doesn’t mean we were into each other like that. We were _just friends_ ,” I mumbled, my brow now creased with aggravation. The conversation was pleasant until the subject of her came up.

“No, but it was other things too.” My grandma’s pensive expression made me want to change the subject again. “There were things I’d pick up on. The way you two always had your heads together, the way she would look at you when you didn’t know it,…and the way she would sneak over for sleepovers.”

She drug out the last part slowly, her knowing eyes mocking my wide-eyed expression. Oh, crap!

“You didn’t think I knew about that, did you?” she asked.

Of course I had no idea my grandmother knew about that! From as early in our friendship as I could remember, Hope would climb through the tree between our bedrooms and sneak through my French doors. It wasn’t a lot, just when her mom had been drinking and she needed to get away. Since I always had a queen sized bed, we were very comfortable and maintained our own spaces, even though her hand would eventually find mine during the night.

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that anymore. We’re not close.” Twirling some pasta around my fork, I stuffed my mouth hoping this subject would end.

“How has she been treating you since you got back?”

Mouth still full, I rolled my eyes and shook my head to indicate that things still weren’t good, and I didn’t care to talk about it.

“Have you ever talked to her like I suggested?” She inquired before starting her salad.

“Grandma, I don’t even care to try. We were friends once; now we’re not. My heart’s not breaking over it,” I lied.

“Josie, I know it hurts. She’s been an ass to you.”

“Really, I couldn’t care less. And even if it did hurt, I certainly wouldn’t let her see it. She’s done horrible things to me, and if my tears are what she needs to get off, then she can suffer. She doesn’t deserve my attention.”

My grandma put her fork down, uneaten salad dipping into the pasta, “Josette, that’s your mother talking.”

My eyes darted up to her, shocked by her annoyed tone.

“Honey, I loved your mom. We all did. And I know she meant well, trying to teach you to be strong, since she knew she wouldn’t be here to guide you through tough times. But honey, letting yourself be vulnerable isn’t always a weakness. Sometimes, it can be a conscious decision to draw the other person out.”

Even though what my grandma was saying sounded sensible, the idea of approaching Hope for a heart-to-heart triggered my gag reflex. I felt horrible about what I’d said to her today, but it didn’t erase all the crap she’d done from my memory. Seeking her out would make her peel with laughter. That was an image that reeked.

“I don’t care about drawing Hope out. Whatever she’s got up her ass can’t be bad enough to treat people how she does. I don’t care.” Her blue eyes flashed in my mind.

“Yes, you do,” my grandma stated flatly. “I know how your mother’s death affected you. I know you want to be a doctor, so you can help people that are hurting the way she was with cancer. I know you take her advice to heart and think everything will be better once you go off to college. But Hope’s faults aren’t the only ones hurting you.”

Throwing my fork down on my plate, I wiped the thin layer of sweat off my brow. 

How did this get turned around on _me_? 

“Now, wait a minute. I’m getting pretty tired of everyone being on her side. She walked away from _me_.” Huffing back in my chair, I crossed my arms over my chest.

“And you let her, Josie.”

“What the hell was I supposed to do?! She wouldn’t talk to me. I tried.”

Bed. Sleep. Escape.

“Calm down. I’m not saying you weren’t a good friend. Of course you were. Her issues started this. But it’s easy to say you’ve tried and then just walk away. It’s easy to say that you can’t force help on someone that doesn’t want help and then walk away. You think you’re being noble and strong by turning the other cheek or biding your time until school’s over. But that baggage that you aren’t letting out is weakening you. Sometimes it’s the best medicine to be vulnerable, to let it all out and let her see how she’s hurt you. Then you can say that you’ve tried.”

My eyes closed, and I cupped my forehead once again. I had so much on my plate right now with the Science Fair, cross country and Lizzie. Why was I even wasting my time having this conversation?

Exasperated, I waved my hand in the air and let it plop down to my lap. “Why do you care? You threatened to go talk to her mom when this started.” As far as I knew, my grandma wasn’t Hope’s biggest fan. While she always encouraged me to talk to her, she was also disgusted over her behavior. I’d stopped telling her and my dad every nasty detail of her treatment of me, because I didn’t want this resolved unless Hope initiated it. When that happened, I figured she’d seek me out. 

She never had.

“Because you’ve never been the same. And because when you do go off to college, I want your heart to be free.”

Free. What did that even feel like anymore?

“I’ve let it go. I am _free_.” I didn’t know what she wanted from me.

“Acting like you don’t care is not letting it go.” She pinned me with her challenging stare.

My body slumped. There wasn’t anything in my arsenal after that.

Feeling mentally and physically drained, I was pretty delighted when Grandma let me head up to bed without helping with the cleanup. Once in my bathroom, I stripped down and stepped into the warmth and quiet of my shower. This pulsating hideaway was the one place I could escape without leaving my house. I could think and just be quiet whenever I needed, and no one was the wiser, and no one disturbed me.

It was only six o’clock, and I had some chapters for Catcher in the Rye due tomorrow as well as some questions for Physics, but it was no use fighting the drowsiness. I set my alarm for four a.m., giving me enough time to get up and do my school work, and went to the French doors to draw the curtains.

I noticed the wind picking up and the sky overshadowed with ashen clouds. The neighborhood trees were still a vibrant green, and the voltage that suddenly coursed through the sky made a tiny, grateful smile flash across my face. Knowing a storm was on its way calmed me, so I left the doors open.

-

Stunned awake by a piercing crash, I sat up in bed trying to get my bearings. I wiped the grogginess from my eyes while yawning. Looking around the room, I noticed that the French doors were still open, and the rain was falling steadily outside. Glancing at my clock, I saw that I’d been asleep for about six hours.

Peeling off the covers and stepping out of bed, I went to the railing outside my French doors and took in the spectacle of thunder and lightning around the midnight sky. That must’ve been what had woken me. The chilly air gave me goose bumps, and droplets of rain fell on my skin. Thankfully, it wasn’t falling in buckets. Otherwise, my floor would’ve been soaked.

I studied the tree next to my doors, taking into consideration that the rain coming through the canopy of leaves was light. With my heartbeat surging through my chest, I grabbed onto the crown molding around my door, put my foot on the railing and hoisted myself up. I held one of the branches above my head and touched my foot to another branch jutting into the railing. Delicious fear heated up my muscles and reminded me that I’d been a lot braver as a child. I inched out until the branches got thicker and then teetered until I reached the trunk.

Sitting down in my old space, the familiar pitter-patter of raindrops hitting leaves welcomed me home. Propped with my back against the trunk and my legs resting on the thick branch from where I came, I glorified in how easy it was to reclaim this simple part of myself. I hadn’t been out here in years.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a light, possibly from the front porch, of Hope’s house pop on. Seconds later, a girl came running down the front pathway with a black sweatshirt over her head. I couldn’t see her face, but I knew who it was when I saw the car she was running towards.

Lizzie.

At Hope’s house.

At midnight.

There was no sign of her, and the porch light flickered off as soon as she was in her car. The uncontrollable pounding in my chest started, so I closed my eyes for several minutes trying to get back the peace I was enjoying just a minute ago.

“Sitting in a tree during a thunderstorm? You’re some kind of genius.” The voice almost shocked me right out of the tree. My eyes popped open, and I twisted around to see Hope leaning out her window. She was clothed, at least. That made me feel better after seeing Lizzie leave her house.

“I like to think so, yes,” I mumbled, turning back to the storm. My anger with Hope had lessened. Considerably. After my hateful words to her today, I just felt embarrassed and ashamed now.

“Tree? Lightning? Ring any bells?”

Of course I knew it was dangerous. That’s what made it so fun.

“It never mattered to you before,” I pointed out, keeping my eyes focused on the glistening road shining under the streetlights.

“What? You sitting in a tree during a storm?”

“No, me getting hurt.” The urge to look at her was strong. I wanted to see her eyes so badly that it felt like an invisible hand was forcing my face to turn to her. I wanted her to see me. I wanted her to see _us_.

There was no response for several seconds, but I knew she was still there. My body reacted to her presence, and I could feel her eyes on me.

“Josette?” Her voice sounded soft and gentle, and I instantly felt warm all over. But then she spoke again. 

“I wouldn’t care if you were alive or dead.”

All the air left my body, and I sat on the tree branch feeling completely defeated.

No more. I couldn’t do this anymore. There was no life in feeling like this. It was all a game to her, but I didn’t have the heart to play it anymore. I’m not strong. I’m not a bully. I’m not happy. I knew what I needed to do.

_I’m letting you go_.

“Hope?” I said, still staring out to the rain-soaked street. “I’m sorry about what I said to you today.”

I looked over to her, but she was gone.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To let go does not mean to stop caring,  
> it means I can’t do it for someone else.
> 
> To let go is not to deny,  
> but to accept.
> 
> To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,  
> but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
> 
> \- “Letting Go Takes Love”, Author unknown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi

“Hey, did you get my text?” Jade rested her hand on my shoulder as she came around to face me.

“Yeah.” I vaguely remembered some sweet words about being anxious to see me again. “But not until much later. I went to bed early.”

  
I’d finally fallen back asleep last night at about two o’clock and woke up at four with a stomach full of knots. After my disgusting behavior yesterday in class and the way I’d gotten sidetracked from my goals, I decided to give up the tough-girl act. Her game was too hard, and I was turning into a person I didn’t like.

  
I needed to talk to Lizzie, but I wasn’t sure how to handle her. My temper still flared over the idea of her and Hope dating, but one thing she said made sense. This anger wasn’t getting me anywhere, and I wanted to move on. I just didn’t know if I could without holding a grudge.

“So would you like to go out this weekend? There’s a bonfire at Wendy Coleman’s place on Friday night after the race.”

“I’d love to, but I’m so swamped right now. I’ll have to see how my week goes.” I closed the locker door and began inching away.

“Can I help with anything?” Jade knit her eyebrows together in concern. It was sweet and made me smile.

“Well, you can’t run my laps for me, or do my Math or Science, or take my tests, so you’re pretty useless.”

“Yes, yes, I am. I see you’ve been talking to my mom.” Her eyes shined with amusement, and her grin was teasing. “Try to make yourself free. It’ll be fun.”

  
Alyssa the Bitch walked by us with her crew, and they threw Jade some sultry looks of the you-don’t-even-need-to-buy-me-dinner variety. Their antics were so transparent. 

Flipping hair and biting your bottom lip? Really? Who does that? 

She slapped me with an “L” for loser, and I flipped her off behind Jade’s back as they walked past.

  
I guess I should be delighted that a girl like Jade wanted to date me. Alyssa, and probably most of the other guys and girls in this school, would be grateful to have her attention. She was attentive and behaved like a gentlewoman. I enjoyed spending time with her. It was just taking longer than I thought it would to develop a spark.

  
“Fine,” I answered. “I’ll try.”

  
She took my bag and walked me to Physics. “Meet you at lunch?” She looked at me expectantly.

“Sure. I’ll be sitting outside today.” Her presence would be welcome. I might need a buffer between Lizzie and myself if I lost my temper again.

“See you there.” Her voice was low and warm. Arriving at class, she handed me my bag and backed away, heading off down the hall.

  
I wished I was more into Jade. Maybe I just needed to get to know her better.

  
The surprise Physics quiz burned panic right through my bones. Luckily, it was enough to take my mind off my personal life. I’d done the reading and completed the questions this morning in my haze, but I still felt unprepared.

  
The running we did in P.E. afterwards let off the steam of the morning. Even though Coach was testing us on our mile run time, and I completed that in six minutes flat, she let me keep running. The burn in my muscles singed off the frustration and hurt of Hope’s words last night that had been floating through my head all morning.

_I wouldn’t care if you were alive or dead._ My heels dug into the dirt as I envisioned digging her grave.

“Hey, you guys.” Lizzie came up behind Jade and me where we sat at a picnic table outside, eating our lunch.

“Hi,” I said through a mouthful of pasta salad, unable to meet her eyes.

“So how are you doing, Jade? Ready for the game Friday?”

“I’m not as worried about the game as I am the race later that night. I’ve got some money riding on Wondergirl in there.” She jerked her thumb towards to cafeteria, referring to Hope, I would assume.

“Oh, well she’s a safe bet.” She smirked and waved her hand in the air. “I’ll be at the race, too. Are you bringing Josie?” Her gaze slid to me.

“I didn’t think she’d enjoy the race, but I’m trying to get her to the bonfire afterwards.”

  
Lizzie narrowed her eyes at me as she mixed a flavored powder into her water. “Josie knows a lot about cars. She would love it,” she pointed out.

“Guys, I’m sitting right here. Talk to me, _morons_.” I barked sarcastically at the both of them, feeling like they were the parents discussing what to do with the child.

  
Jade tucked my hair behind my ear, and I jerked a little with the intimate gesture.

“Sorry, Josie. As I was saying, you love cars. Did you know that, Jade?”

“I didn’t. Well, she has to come with me then.” She grinned while popping a Cheetoh in her mouth, and I felt squeezed like the cream in an Oreo cookie. They were pushing me.

  
Like every other time we’d been in a social setting in the past, Hope had done something to ruin it. Why bother?

  
Looking at Lizzie, I geared up for verbal sparring. “You expect me to come to the Loop and cheer for Hope?”

“No, but I’d love you to be there with me since I won’t know anyone. You can see the race, check out the cars, and explain to me the difference between a battery and an engine. I never understood that. If you have a battery, then why do you need an engine?”

  
Jade and I burst out laughing. She was being purposely dimwitted to get me to be agreeable. I wanted to go, but I knew Lizzie would be all over Hope. If I wanted to spend time with her, then I’d have to be around Hope. I couldn’t hang pathetically on Jade all night.

“I told Jade I’d see how my week went. I have a lot to do right now.” While I was caught up on my homework, I wanted to get ahead on some reading and get to the library to research on the Science topics so I could make my final decision. Not to mention, I needed to be at school by seven on Saturday morning to catch the bus for a cross country meet in Fort Valley. It’s not like I was trying to avoid Hope.

“And I know what that means.” Lizzie picked up her phone and started scrolling, clearly pissed.

  
She’s pissed at me? Screw that.

“Lizzie!” My mood turned as black as my finger nails. “I said I would try. Jesus.”

“I’m just saying—” her eyes never leaving her phone— “that I think if it weren’t for Hope, then you would go. You have to try, Josie. She said she wouldn’t have any problem with you being there.”

  
My face flushed with embarrassment, I glanced at Jade. I never aired my dirty laundry for others to witness. “Oh, she wouldn’t have any problem with me being there? I guess since I have the dickhead’s permission, then I should fall on my knees with gratitude.”

“Well, Hope isn’t the race master, and doesn’t say who’s in or out. I can invite who I like,” Jade assured as she got up. “I need a Gatorade. Do either of you need anything?” she asked, probably looking for an escape while Lizzie and I settled our little argument.

“I’ll take a water.’ I reached into my pocket to dig out some money.

“No, no. I got it.” She walked off inside the cafeteria. My gaze followed her as I appreciated how nice she looked in her jeans. 

Well, there was that at least.

  
Lizzie’s voice broke my trance. “So if Hope’s a dickhead, then what am I for seeing her?” Lizzie’s voice was calm, but I could tell by her point-blank stare and pursed lips that anger boiled underneath.

  
Hope was a _dickhead_. It wasn’t an assumption but a proven fact. My frustration with her spending time with that asshole started to escape me. I was trying to grab my anger before it got out of control, but the damn thing kept slipping away.

“You tell me. She’s a prick. You know it, and I know it.” 

_What the hell was I doing_? 

“But what you don’t realize is that she’s using you. She’s using you to get under my skin. She cares about you as much as MG did when he cheated.”

  
Shit! Too far.

  
I was done for. The look on her face punctured my chest. I’d hurt her, and I hoped she would huff and puff and eventually see reason. But the look in her eyes left me with only doubt.

  
After a few moments’ hesitation, she started packing up her things and grabbing her tray. “You know, Hope asked me to sit with her today, and right now I want her company a lot more than I do with yours.” She spat out her words before leaving. And I let her leave, because I understood her disappointment. Right now, I didn’t even like myself.

-

  
As much as I tried to take part in a conversation when Jade returned, my mind was too focused on rewriting the argument with Lizzie. My dad always told me that I can say what I need to say as long as I say it nicely.

  
And fuck me for snarling out my words like a five year old.

  
I could’ve handled it so much better. You know what they say about best laid plans? My emotions got away from me, and she probably went to cry on Hope’s shoulder. I’ll bet she was lapping this up.

  
As I pushed through AP English and Government, I was already yawning with exhaustion and was in no way energized for practice or the dinner out that my grandmother had planned.

“Sit down everyone, please!” Mrs. Penley shouted over the clatter of moving desks and laughter. We had just finished our discussion on the assigned chapters in Catcher in the Rye and were moving our desks back to normal position. The class was energized about the story. Half of them, I think, were thankful that it wasn’t a farming story like they thought, and everyone liked the idea of the rebellious teenager who smoked too many cigarettes.

  
The discussion had sucked for me. We’d been forced to move our desks into a circle, so that we could make eye contact with anyone that spoke. Hope kept flashing me smirks, no doubt fully informed of her progress on Operation Kill Josie and Lizzie.

  
The silvery feeling coursing down my arms and legs made me want to scream until the force of my upset made her magically disappear.

  
_I wouldn’t care if you were alive or dead._

  
I hated admitting to myself that I did care whether she was alive or dead. I’d been stung every day she didn’t want me near her.

  
_But that baggage that you aren’t letting out is weakening you._ Grandma was right. I was in no better position now than I was before I decided to fight back.

“Now, class,” Mrs. Penley instructed from the front of the classroom. “Before we copy down assignments for homework, I want to touch base about your monologues. Remember, these are due in two weeks. I’ll have a sign-up sheet outside the door, and you can pick your day. Your monologue can be from the list I gave you or you can choose another one with my approval. Now, I’m not looking for Oscar-worthy performances,” she reassured, “so don’t get scared. This isn’t theater after all. Just perform the monologue and turn in the essay using the rubric I gave you explaining how that monologue reinforces the theme of the book or film.” Mrs. Penley drifted off as people started to get out notebooks and copy down the assignment from the board.

  
_Acting like you don’t care is not letting it go._

  
_Isn’t it about time you fought back?_

  
_I want your heart to be free._

  
Weariness wadded my heart. I turned around to look at Hope. Her eyes lifted from her notebook, and her eyes sharpened on me.

  
I wanted to walk down the hall and know there was no pain around the next corner. I wanted her to stop. And yes, I admitted, I wanted to know her again.

  
_But that baggage that you aren’t letting out is weakening you._

  
Before I could stop myself, I turned back around and thrust my hand in the air. Tightness knotted my stomach as I felt like I’d stepped into someone else’s dream. “Mrs. Penley?”

“Yes, Josie?” Mrs. Penley was standing at her desk, writing something on a post-it.

“We have five minutes left of class. May I perform my monologue now?” I sensed eyes and ears shifting my way, the whole class focusing its attention on me.

“Um, well, I wasn’t expecting to grade anything yet? Do you have your essay ready?” Mrs. Penley stuck the pen in her hand into her tight bun.

“No, I’ll have that by the due date, but I would really love to perform it now. Please.”

  
I watched the wheels turn in her head as she probably worried if I was prepared, but I flashed my pleading eyes on her to hopefully make her see that I wanted to get this over with.

“Okay,” she exhaled, “if you’re sure you’re ready.” She motioned for me to come up front, while she moved aside to lean against the wall.

  
I rose from my chair and walked to the front of class, feeling the burn of looks on my back. Turning to face everyone, my heart pounded like a jackhammer in my chest. I swept my eyes across the room before beginning. If I didn’t meet his eyes, I could do this.

  
“I like storms,” I started. “Thunder, torrential rain, puddles, wet shoes. When the clouds roll in, I get filled with this giddy expectation.”

  
Just keep going, Josie. I tried to envision that I was speaking to my dad or grandma. Keep it natural.

  
“Everything is more beautiful in the rain. Don’t ask me why.” My shoulders shrugged. “But it’s like this whole other realm of opportunity. I used to feel like a superhero, riding my bike over the dangerously slick roads, or maybe an Olympic athlete enduring rough trials to make it to the finish line.”

  
My smile spread with the memories. Memories of Hope and me.

  
“On sunny days, as a girl, I could still wake up to that thrilled feeling. You made me giddy with expectation, just like a symphonic rainstorm. You were a tempest in the sun, the thunder in a boring, cloudless sky.”

  
“I remember I’d shovel in my breakfast as fast as I could, so I could go knock on your door. We’d play all day, only coming home for food and sleep. We played hide and seek, you’d push me on the swing, or we’d climb trees. Being your sidekick gave me a sense of home again.”

  
I exhaled, finally relaxing, and my eyes drifted over to meet hers. I saw her watching me, breathing hard, almost as if she was frozen. Stay with me, Hope.

  
“You see,” my eyes stayed on her, “when I was ten, my mom died. She had cancer, and I lost her before I really knew her. My world felt so insecure, and I was scared. You were the person that turned things right again. With you, I became courageous and free. It was like the part of me that died with my mom came back when I met you, and I didn’t hurt anymore. Nothing hurt if I knew I had you.” Pools of tears filled my eyes as the class leaned in to listen to me.

  
“Then one day, out of the blue, I lost you, too. The hurt returned, and I felt sick when I saw you hating me. My rainstorm was gone, and you became cruel. There was no explanation. You were just gone. And my heart was ripped open. I missed you. I missed my mom.” My voice cracked, and I didn’t wipe away the tear that fell.

  
“What was worse than losing you was when you started to hurt me. Your words and actions made me hate coming to school. They made me uncomfortable in my _own_ home.” I swallowed, and the knot in my chest lessened.

  
“Everything still _hurts_ , but I know none of it is my fault. There are a lot of words that I could use to describe you, but the only one that includes sad, angry, miserable, and pitiful is “coward.” In a year, I’ll be gone, and you’ll be nothing but some washout whose height of existence was in high school.” 

My eyes were still on Hope, and my voice got strong again. The ache in my face from trying to hold back tears eased. “You were my tempest, my thunder cloud, my tree in the downpour. I loved all those things, and I loved you. But now? You’re a fucking drought. I thought that all the assholes drove German cars, but it turns out that pricks in Mustangs can still leave scars.”

  
Looking around the class, I noticed everyone leaned in and quiet. One girl was tearing up. I finished wiping a tear from my cheeks and grinned. “And I’d like to thank the Academy…”

  
Everyone started laughing, coming out of their trance from my serious and sad story, and began clapping and cheering. My head fell back to look up at the ceiling before I took a dramatic and sarcastic bow making my classmates giggle more. The deafening applause distracted me from the wobbliness in my legs.

  
This was it. Hope could push me, hurt me, take what she wanted, but showing her that she had hurt, but not broken me, was how I won. Euphoria settled in my stomach as waves of contentment washed over me.

  
_Free_.

  
“ _What was that monologue from? Mrs. Penley, she made people cry! How is anyone going to live up to that? And we’re allowed to swear?_ ” One of the girls from my compass jokingly complained.

“I’m sure you’ll do fine, and Josie, that was wonderful. You really set the bar. I don’t remember that one on the list, though, so I trust everything will be in your essay?”

  
I nodded as I headed back to my seat, figuring I’d deal with that part later. The bell rung and people started for the door, ready to be done with the day.

  
“Great job, Josie!”

“Wow!”

People I’d never spoken to patted me on the back and offered compliments. Hope drifted out of class, like the fuse on a stick of dynamite. Only this time, I was free from the explosion. I let her go, not even sparing any effort to make it look like I didn’t care.

  
I’d bared my soul up there, and now the ball was in her court.

“Josie.” Jade walked up to my desk as I grabbed my bag. “That was great. Are you sure you want to waste your time on medicine and not go into theater or something?” She took my bag off my shoulder and hung it over her own.

  
I headed for the door as she followed behind.

  
“Are you okay? You were crying.” She sounded genuinely concerned.

  
I turned to face her and plastered a no-effort grin on my face. “I’m great. And I would love to go to the race with you this weekend.”

  
She looked surprised by my change of subject, but her eye lit up as she grabbed my hand. “Okay! But…you know you have to wear a really short skirt, right? It’s kind of a uniform for the girls.” She teased, and I could tell she was being flirty.

  
“Well, I’m a rebel, or didn’t you know?”

  
We pushed through the door, hand in hand. My eyes shot to Hope, who had her forehead leaned into the wall. She turned around, and I noticed that the whites of her eyes were red. Hands tucked into the front pocket of her black hoodie, she was breathing like she’d just run a mile. Other than that, there was no emotion. She didn’t look upset or happy. Nothing.

  
“See ya, Hope,” Jade called out as we passed, oblivious to what had just passed between Hope and me in the classroom.

  
Hope didn’t reply but kept her eyes focused on me. For once, there was no anger or cruelty in her stare.

  
What was happening in her head?

  
And would I ever find out?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol sorry to the person that asked when i was going to post. i clearly lied, but its not my fault. i was unmotivated and i was editing harry styles...


	19. Chapter 19

“Josie!”

I twirled around, stunned out of my celebration, and met my grandma’s expectant stare.

Whoops. I wondered how long she’d been standing there.

I ran over to the CD player and switched off AFI’s Miss Murder. “Sorry. Just getting my groove on.” I smiled sheepishly. After a practice where I could’ve run at least another hour, I returned home with energy to spare. A weight had lifted off of me, and I felt like celebrating.

I’d decided to shelve my homework—since nothing was due this week, anyway—and forge a hole in my carpet with some horrendous dance moves.

“Well, you left your phone downstairs. Lizzie called.” She tossed me my cell, which I caught. “And it’s almost seven. Are you ready to go eat?” Grandma waved her hand towards the door.

“Absolutely.” I grabbed my black cardigan and black Chucks. I’d changed into jeans and a t-shirt after I’d come home to clean up following practice. Since Hope’s locker room intrusion, I’d opted to shower at home.

“I’ll be down in a minute. I want to call Lizzie back.”

Grandma nodded and walked out.

The idea of apologizing to Lizzie caused my stomach to roll. She was dating someone that treated me badly, and it hurt that she could turn a blind eye to that. But, I also realized the she and Hope were using each other. In time, probably sooner rather than later, this fling of theirs would be over. As long as she wasn’t teaming up with her to treat me like shit, then I’d decided not to give Hope what she wanted.

“Hey,” I greeted Lizzie timidly when she picked up.

“Hey.” Her voice sounded curt.

I took a deep breath and let out a sigh. “So, I hope I can cash in a Get Out of Jail Free card. I’m sorry I said what I said today.”

She was silent for few moments as I nervously drifted around my room.

“You acted like a dick,” she mumbled.

I almost laughed. Well, she was talking to me at least.

“I know. She has nothing to do with me anymore. If she’s what you want, then I can grow up and get over it.”

“Apology accepted.” I could hear the smile in her voice.

“Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow. I’m off to dinner with Grandma.” I could hear her mother calling her in the background anyway.

“Have fun. And I love you, Josie,” she said sweetly.

“Love ya, too. Later.”

We hung up, and I already felt better. Thank goodness that was done. Now, if I was lucky, I’d only have to endure minimal meetings with Hope. If I was really unlucky, though, she’d make all of Lizzie’s and my outings into threesomes.

I also still felt like slapping my friend a little. But, at least, I’d let go of my bitterness about Hope. If she wanted to rebound with her, then that was on her. I was tired of making a problem where there wasn’t one, and to save myself some stress, I decided to mind my own business. She knew how I felt, and I knew she wouldn’t betray my trust. That’s all I needed.

I practically danced down the stairs, feeling like the hippo that’d been sitting on my chest decided to finally move on.

“Well, you seem like you’re in a good mood.” Grandma’s eyes followed my movements. “School was good today?”

“Yeah, actually. It was great.” Leting Hope know how much I’d been hurt by her let the frustration out. I no longer felt buried under her actions and my struggle to maintain a façade.

“Good. What are you in the mood for? Judging from your jeans, I guess O’Shea’s is out.” Her flat tone showed disappointment. O’Shea’s was her favorite restaurant in our less than diverse town.

“How about the grill?” I asked as I sat down to tie my shoes. I loved their pasta with basil and olive oil. The old couple that ran the restaurant was sweet and inviting, and my parents went on their first date there.

“Sure. Sounds good.” She grabbed her purse, and I snatched her keys. I always had to drive unless the situation didn’t allow it. Everywhere felt like forever to get to unless I was in control of the vehicle. Luckily, the adults in my life were indulgent.

As she stopped to fluff her hair and button her blazer in front of the mirror by the door, I slipped my arms through my cardigan and hooked my purse strap over my head.

“Gram? While we’re out, do you mind if we circle some lots, so I can check out some cars after dinner?” Finding a car hadn’t been on my mind in weeks, but the idea spilled out of my mouth like it had been on the tip of my tongue all day.

I couldn’t pretend that I needed the car to get around. After all, I had my dad’s Bronco. The control I’d asserted today was like slipping into new skin. Everything felt warm, delicious, and possible. Getting a car of my own was another dose of control, straight to the vein.

Grandma narrowed her blue eyes at me through the mirror. “Does your dad know you want to get a car?”

“Yeah, but I’m just looking right now, anyway.”

“You won’t want a car in New York City, honey,” she asserted, turning around to open the door.

“Is it okay if we just look? After all, I might still like a car when I come home for vacations.” I followed her out.

Turning to lock up the house, she nodded. “Sure, I don’t see any harm in looking.”

-

After a much-needed night out and light-hearted conversation with my grandma, I’d come home feeling calmer than I had in weeks.

I sat back on my bed, reading one of Chelsea Cain’s thrillers, when I heard yelping coming from outside.

My French doors had been open a crack, so I could hear the rain. The light drizzle that started when Grandma and I got home was coming down in buckets now. Swinging one of the doors open, I leaned outside and listened.

The barking was consistent, distressed…and close.

_Madman_.

As I peered down into Hope’s yards, I didn’t see any lights or sign of the little dog. The whole house looked quiet and dark. It was after eleven, so she and her mom must be asleep or still gone for the night.

Slipping on my Chucks, I walked down the stairs, taking a moment to check that my grandma’s bedroom light was off. Once at the front door, I switched on my porch light and walked outside.

Shit! It was raining.

How had I forgotten that in the three seconds it took me to get downstairs? Thank goodness for the covered porch. Hugging myself, I walked to the edge nearest Hope’s house and took another look. I put my hand to my mouth to stifle a small gasp at the sight of Madman whining and clawing at the front door. He was soaking wet, and I could tell from here that he was shivering. Luckily, he had a small awning protecting him from the thunderous downpour.

Without a second thought, I dived out into the storm and ran across our yards to Hope’s small front stoop. I only wore my sleep shorts and a tank top, so, like Madman, I was now shaking with the cold rain splattered on my bare legs and arms.

“Hey, buddy. How’d you get out here?” I bent down to pet his head, and he licked my hand excitedly. “Where’s Hope, huh?”

A shiver shot down my body, making my shoulders twitch.

The last thing I wanted to do was knock on the dickhead’s door, but there’s no telling what bullshit I’d wake up to if I took Madman home with me. Hope would probably accuse me of trying to steal her pet.

Madman had been collateral damage in Hope’s and my fallout. As much as I loved the dog, it just seemed like he should be with Hope. A few things had been like that after she came back from that summer away. One of our favorite hangouts was a fish pond at Eagle Point Park. When Hope and I stopped being friends, she stopped going there.

I got the pond. She got the dog.

“Hope? Ms. Marshall?” I called while ringing the doorbell. The rain pounded to the ground, giving a flood-feel to our street. The howling wind forced the rain sideways, which soaked my shoes and calves, even under the awning.

I doubted anyone could hear someone scream in this ruckus, so I pounded on the door and rang the bell two more times. The house remained dark and silent. “Well, Madman. You may be coming home with me.” The little guy yelped again, clearly unhappy being outside.

Before I walked away, I gripped the door handle and turned. To my surprise, the door opened.

Not locked? Weird.

Madman darted inside, pushing the door completely open like he was running from a fire. His claws against the hard wood floors echoed down the hall. He’d gone to the kitchen, probably to his food dish.

I took a hesitant step into the foyer. “Hello?” The house was nearly pitch black except for the streetlights that cast a dull glow through the windows. “Ms. Marshall? Hope?” I looked around and felt a chill shoot down my arms.

Something’s not right.

The house seemed almost dead. No ticking clocks, no hum of a fish tank. I wasn’t even sure if they had fish, but an occupied house makes some kind of noise, even in the middle of the night.

Madman barked, and I took a step towards the kitchen, but I stopped when I heard a crackle under my shoe. Taking a closer look, my eyes having adjusted to the dark, I noticed broken glass or…maybe it was pottery, on the floor. I surveyed the area and took in more disarray that I hadn’t noticed when I’d entered.

Chairs were overturned, a lamp was broken, and couch cushions lay about the living room. Even the framed pictures of Hope on the wall by the stairs were shattered and hanging by a corner.

_Hope_?! My heart pounded in my ears. What had happened here?

Madman continued to bark, more persistently this time. I ran down the hall and into the kitchen. The dog sat looking out of the open backdoor, whining and wagging his tail.

As I looked through the door, I could see Hope sitting on the top step leading down to the backyard. I let out a breath.

Her back was to me, and she was drenched. Water poured down her bare back, and the hair on her head was drenched.

“Hope?” I called out, stepping up to the doorframe.

She turned her head enough to see me out of the corner of her eye, which was almost completely covered by her soaked hair. Without acknowledging me otherwise, she turned back around and lifted a liquor bottle to her lips.

Jack Daniels. _Straight_.

My first thought was to leave. She was safe. The dog was safe. Whatever she was doing wasn’t my business.

But my feet wouldn’t move. The house had been vandalized, and Hope was drinking alone.

“Hope?” I stepped outside, thankful for the covering over the backdoor as well. “The dog was barking outside. I rang the doorbell. Didn’t you hear it?” I guess I felt a need to explain my presence in her house.

When she didn’t answer, I walked down the stairs to face her. Rain cascaded down my face, drenching my hair and clothes. My muscles tensed with the urgency to get back inside, but, for some reason, I stayed put.

Hope’s head was level, but her eyes were downcast. Her arms rested on her knees, and the half-empty bottle was secured in her left hand where she swung it back and forth between her fingers.

“Hope? Would you answer me?” I yelled. “The house is trashed.”

None of my business. Just leave.

Hope licked her lips, and the raindrops on her face looked like tears. I watched her as she raised her eyes lazily and blinked away the water.

“The dog ran away,” she mumbled, matter-of-factly. Her voice was calm.

Stunned by such a cryptic reply, I almost laughed. “So you threw a temper tantrum? Does your mom know you did that to the house?”

Her brow narrowed as she looked me dead in the eyes. “What do you care? I’m _nothing_ , right? A loser? My parents _hate_ me. Weren’t those your words?”

For a moment, I closed my eyes, feeling guilty all over again. “Hope, I should never have said those things. No matter what you’ve—”

“Don’t apologize,” she interrupted. Swaying as she stood up, she adopted her usual sadistic tone. “Groveling makes you look pathetic.”

Asshole!

“I’m not groveling!” I snapped as I followed her into the house. “I can just admit when I fucked up.”

I stood inside the doorway while she put his bottle on the kitchen table and grabbed a dish towel off the counter. Walking over to Madman, who was huddled underneath a chair, she wrapped the cloth around the dog and slowly dried him off. She continued to ignore me, but I couldn’t leave until I’d said what I needed to say.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you, and it won’t happen again.” There, I’d said it. No need for me to be here anymore.

But I didn’t stop there. My gaze fell on the not-yet-empty bottle of Jack, and I was worried. Her mom was a recovering alcoholic, and hard liquor could be dangerous in large quantities. By the looks of the house, she was not in control of her faculties.

Snatching the bottle off the table, I walked to the sink and started dumping its contents down the drain. “And I’m not letting you hurt yourself, either.”

“Son of a bitch!” Hope heaved at my back, and I shook the bottle nervously when I heard her quick footsteps behind me.

Hope snatched at the container, which was still a few sips from being empty, but I spun around to face her, keeping hold.

“This is none of your business. Just _leave_ ,” she growled. Her breath fell on my face, smelling of whiskey and rain, and her wild eyes made my arms go weak. I almost released the bottle, overwhelmed by the force she used to get it away. As she yanked, my whole body jerked.

Well, this is new.

The Hope I’d gotten used to walked around calm and collected, but this Hope was desperate and reckless. I should be scared, but, for some reason, I was intoxicated with the face off.

I wanted this confrontation with Hope. I hungered for it.

We both breathed hard as we tried to get the bottle away from each other, but no one was giving up. Her arms flexed with the struggle, and I felt the bottle start to slip out of my fingers. I knew I was going to lose.

“Stop it!” I cried. Was the fucking bottle that important?!

Get a grip, jerk! She’d obviously lost control, and I needed to snap her out of this.

I let the bottle go and slapped her across the face. Her head twisted to the side with the impact, and my hand stung. I’d never hit Hope. Not even when we were kids and playing around.

Stunned and furious, Hope dropped the bottle to the floor, forgotten, and turned her vicious eyes on me. I gasped when she hoisted me off of my feet by my waist and slammed me down on the hard edge of the sink. Before I knew it, she had locked my wrists in a hold behind my back and positioned her body between my legs. She pulled me to her, roughly, and I was trapped. My chest rose and fell quickly, desperate for air.

Oh, God. “Let me go!” I screamed.

My body was constricted between her arms in back of me and her torso in front. Her grip was tight, enough to keep me still but not enough to hurt. I tried to twist and wiggle my way free, but she only jerked me harder against her and tightened her hold.

“Hope, let me go.” I tried to make my voice sound forceful, but with the struggle, my strength had dwindled.

Her eyes met mine, our faces less than an inch away from each other. Several moments passed as she held me, trying to stare me down.

But it didn’t work.

Once my gaze met hers, it was impossible to look away. Her eyes were like the cover of a book—giving you hints but not the whole story. And I wanted to know the story. If I searched her eyes long and hard enough, maybe what I craved would seep out.

Damn it!

Even with the liquor on her breath, she smelled incredible. Like some kind of bodywash that I wanted to wrap myself up in forever. My thighs were cold where her wet pants rubbed, but the rest of me was on fire. Heat spilled from the pores on my neck, and a drop of sweat glided between my breasts where my chest touched hers. Dizziness fogged my head with the pressure she was putting between my legs.

Our breathing matched up, and her expression was no longer angry.

She spoke shakily, almost sadly. “You fucked me up today.”

I assumed she was talking about the monologue. “Good,” I bit out.

She jerked me again. “You wanted to hurt me? Did you get off on it? It felt good, didn’t it?”

Was she talking about me or her?

I tried to keep my face even, but my body tingled everywhere. Her scent was all around me as she leaned in. Our bodies were melting together, our lips were so close. When I felt her between my legs, I squeezed my eyes shut, too afraid of why I wasn’t struggling anymore.

Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes and stared boldly at her, my pulse throbbing in my ears.

She’s nothing to me. Nothing.

“No, I didn’t get off on it,” I answered calmly. “I feel nothing. You are _nothing_ to me.”

She flinched. “Don’t say that.”

The heat from her mouth wafted around me as I leaned in. “ _Nothing_ ,” I repeated, barely a whisper. “Now, get off—“

Her mouth crashed down on mine, drowning out my protest.

Her lips devoured me, hard and fast, like I was being eaten alive. Her tongue dived into my mouth, and I let it, needing to feel all of her. The pulsing sensation in my core quickened, and I wrapped my legs around her waist before I closed my eyes, savoring the release.

I tried to think, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to. All the years that we’d been apart filled this one moment.

She released my arms, threading one hand roughly through my hair and the other gripping my ass. Pulling my hips harder against hers, she assaulted my mouth like she was starving. She sucked on my bottom lip and then turned her attention to my jaw and neck in hot, frenzied kisses. A legion of butterflies took flight in my stomach, and I moaned with the pleasure.

And I kissed her back.

Oh, my God! I was kissing her back!

“Hope,” I gasped out. She should stop. We should stop. But I forgot why.

I was lost.

I tightened my legs around her waist and grasped her wet hair, holding her to me, while she sucked on my neck. Her left hand ran down my thigh, and I brought her lips back up to mine again, needing more. Pressure was building as she pressed our centers together. She groaned, and I didn’t want her to stop. 

_Ever_.

When she bent her head to nibble under my ear, images of her and Lizzie in the hall yesterday flashed through my mind.

This is what she felt.

Everything came flooding back. My eyes popped open as realization dawned.

She hurt me.

She hated me.

“Hope, stop.” My tone was meant to be stronger, but it only sounded desperate. She ignored me as she kissed and lightly bit my shoulder, while her hand moved underneath my shirt.

“Hope! I said ‘stop!’” Putting my hands on her chest, I pushed her away. She stumbled back a few steps, breathing hard and eyeing me like an animal.

Too far.

Jumping off the sink ledge, I nearly ran out of the kitchen and the house. It felt like steam coming off my skin as the cool rain hit my arms and legs outside. My heart was nearly beating out of my chest as I made it to my front porch.

What are you doing?! I screamed to myself.

A hollow ache settled in my stomach, and a horrible void filled my arms where she’d just been. I’d let her kiss me. And feel me.

And I’d done the same to her.

I tried to catch my breath. How could I have let that happen? It was like I hadn’t even been in control! I knew what we were doing was crazy, but the feel of her made me forget everything. Even now, my body still craved her, and I hated that. Shame burned my skin where she’d touched me.

Hope always calculated her moves. Did she plan this? This was lower than I thought she’d ever go. She was probably in there laughing at me right now, knowing that she’d gotten my pride.

A thousand questions filled my head, but I pushed them away. 

No.

One thing was certain: Hope couldn’t be trusted. She hadn’t even begun to make amends, and I was nauseous with humiliation.

That wouldn’t happen _again_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so it begins.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’ve combined two chapters cuz these chapters are so short & idk when i’ll update again. ++ legacies needs to give these characters last names cuz i’m tired of giving them generic last names.

I rushed from one class to another the next day. My heart was in my throat—knowing that at any minute I could run into Hope—so I kept my eyes focused straight ahead. 

Literally.

  
All through French class it had been almost impossible to keep my mind off last night. Her hands, her lips, her…

  
Nope. Not going there.

  
I had liked it. That much I was willing to admit. But why did she kiss me if not to prove that she could? And _why_ the hell did I _let_ her?!

  
I’d decided to treat it as a drunken move on her part, and an emotional breakdown on mine.

  
As I headed to lunch, I hurriedly stuffed my crap into my locker and jetted around the corner to the cafeteria, trying to keep my eyes from wandering.

  
“Oomph.” The air was knocked out of my lungs, and I stumbled to the ground.

  
What the…?

I winced with the ache in my ass from the collapse to the cold tile floor, and I tried to blink away the disturbance to my equilibrium. Something had knocked me off my feet.

  
Looking up, I sucked in a breath and felt a warm fluttering to my belly at the sight of Hope hovering over me.

  
Shit. I must’ve crashed right into her. And here I was, trying to avoid her like the plague. 

So much for best laid plans.

  
I couldn’t get over how just the presence of her undid me. I gawked stupidly, unable to tear my eyes away from how awesomely she wore her v-neck or how _sexy_ her rich, auburn hair was styled today.

  
Seeing me flat on my bum, she should’ve given me a smug smile or scowl. I flushed with embarrassment, knowing how stupid I must’ve looked.

  
But I got nothing from her. Nothing bad, anyway.

  
She reached out to me, and I looked at her wide-eyed, wondering what the hell she was doing.

  
Was she…helping me up?

  
She held her smooth, long-fingered hand, palm up, to me, and my toes curled with the gesture.

  
Wow. Maybe the kiss wasn’t such a bad thing. Maybe she’d start behaving herself now.

  
And then she quirked an eyebrow at me, as if annoyed that she was waiting.

  
I scowled at her same old haughty attitude.

  
Oh, no. Don’t do me any favors, buddy!

  
Pushing myself roughly off the ground, I dusted off my pants and stalked past her, around the corner.

  
While my body definitely reacted positively to her, my brain practiced a zero tolerance policy…from now on.

-

Jade and I met up Friday night after the game. I wanted to keep our date, even though I had spent the better part of the last two days trying not to think of someone else. There was nothing between Hope and I. There was no reason to call off a date with a not-yet-girlfriend just because I kissed another person, even if I did feel a little guilty about it.

  
Jade was easy. And I needed easy. I deserved it. I just needed to get my body under control.

  
Fucking hormones.

  
“So I’ve been meaning to ask you something.” Jade seemed amused but timid as we finished our pizza.

  
“Let me see.” I put my index finger to my lips. “Yes, I do all of my own stunts, and no, I don’t normally eat that much,” I joked and took a sip of my Coke.

  
“No, not exactly.” She wagged her finger at me and took out her credit card for the waitress as she came by.

  
“I’m listening.”

  
“You mentioned this girl that your character was friends with in the monologue. They were close, and then she turned against her. You said she drove a Mustang?”

  
I nodded, wondering where she was going with this.

  
“Hope Mikaelson drives a Boss 302. A Mustang Boss 302,” she pointed out.

  
Sweat broke out across my brow, but I nodded again. I knew what she was getting at, but there wouldn’t be any answers if that was what she was hoping for. It was bad enough that I’d kissed Hope, behind Lizzie’s back, but Hope and I only had one kiss. And that’s all there would be. I wasn’t about to explain something I didn’t even understand to Jade.

  
“And?” She placed her elbows on the table and crossed her arms, leaning in.

  
“And what was your question?” I hoped being evasive would come off cute, and then she’d surrender her line of questioning.

  
Looking to the side and then back to me, she laughed under her breath. “I noticed her giving you her undivided attention during that monologue. Were you and Hope Mikaelson friends?” Her wide blue eyes were interested.

  
“How do you mean?” Playing hard to get was turning out to be easy. I could do this all night.

  
She looked like she was trying to contain a smile, but she pressed further. “Was the monologue about her?”

  
I cocked my head at her. “I thought the monologues were supposed to be from a book or film?”

  
“What book or film did yours come from?” she shot back.

  
The continued play had my stomach shaking from pent-up laughter. This was getting fun.

  
“It’ll all be in my essay,” I whispered when the waitress brought Jade’s card and receipt back. “But…Hope is nothing to me, just so you know.”

  
Her lips curled up at the corner, hopefully satisfied with what I gave her. Taking my hand, she led me out of the restaurant and to her car. Unfortunately, she was driving, so she opened the door for me to slide in.

  
“You’ve never been to the Loop, right?”

  
“Nope.” I fastened my seatbelt and pulled my black pinstripe skirt as far down my thighs as it would go. The three thin buckles over the right thigh caught the streetlight shining through the window.

  
“Well, you’ll love it. And they’ll love you.” Her gaze slid to my chest before she quickly averted her eyes. I suddenly wished I had worn a t-shirt instead. My white tank was slightly less revealing, thankfully, under my short gray military jacket, but I still felt exposed. The need to cover myself irked me. I wanted to look nice for Jade tonight, didn’t I?

  
Or maybe it wasn’t Jade I was thinking about so much when I got dressed.

  
“They’ll love me? Why is that?” I asked.

  
“Because you look like candy.” She shook her head and started the engine.

  
Lizzie’s words came back to haunt me.

_Well, I, for one, am pretty excited to see the look on her face when she sees you!_

  
My hands clenched into fists, and I bit my bottom lip to stifle a smile.

  
Yep, I bit my bottom lip. Shit.

-

  
The Loop was located on Mr. Salvatore’s farm outside the town limits. His sons, Damon and Stefan, who graduated two decades ago, started a weekly racing scene around the pond on the premises. Over time, the Salvatore brothers took control of the farm and still allowed races to take place on the property even though they rarely attended. As long as they received the fee charged to get through the gate, everyone else could make their bets and have fun without any intrusion.

  
We travelled down the long, dirt road leading to the farm. Normally, the farm would be pitch black this time of night, but with the traffic coming down the lane, it was lit up like a Saturday night cruise.

  
“I’ll just park here. You don’t mind walking a little, do you?” Jade asked. Cars lined the sides of the road, and since we were pushing race time, parking was scarce.

  
“Here’s fine.” My fingers tingled with the anticipation in the air. I hopped out of her Escalade, immediately thankful for the Chucks I’d worn. Not very stylish with the skirt, but I wasn’t a heels kind of girl. The dirt road featured dips and puddles, along with tiny gravel.

  
“Here, take my hand.” Jade reached out as she came around the front of the car to meet me. She pulled me to a stop and gestured to the car. “Do you want to leave your bag in the trunk?”

  
“No, I might need my cell. I’m fine.” I hooked my thumb behind the strap of my purse, which held two of my three lifelines. “Let’s go,” I chirped and started walking at a brisk pace.

  
Ahead of us, the track split to the left and to the right. Directly in front was the pond. The smell of exhaust already filled my nostrils, and I couldn’t help the bounce in my step. My eyes hungrily swept the scene, and I saw headlights from cars parked along the sides, facing inward, illuminating the track.

  
Fortunately for Damon and Stefan’s family, the pond wasn’t even within eye sight of the main house. Most of the time, people came and went without any disturbance to the family. Since most of the town’s current police force graduated around the same time as the Salvatore brothers, the Loop was seen as a local treasure instead of a nuisance. Since racing was just as illegal as allowing people to use your property for it, anyone injured couldn’t throw the Salvatores under the bus without themselves as well. It was all very convenient and tidy.

  
As we headed onto the Loop, Jade guided me to the right towards what looked like the starting line. There were two cars already parked side by side, and people crushed around the scene like tightly packed molecules. One of the cars was Sebastian’s 2006 GTO and the other was a late model Camaro.

  
MG.

“Josie!”

  
I spun around to meet the scream and noticed Lizzie charging towards me. She fell into me in an attempt at a hug, and I stumbled to keep my balance.

  
“Whoa!” I burst out. “It hasn’t been that long since we’ve seen each other, has it?” Laughing at her obvious beer-induced love, I straightened us up.

  
We’d made amends, but now I felt uneasy about making out with Hope, and their relationship still bugged me. I aimed to keep my promise to mind my own business, but there was a distance between us that wasn’t there before, and I wasn’t sure how to get back what we used to have. Maybe I looked at her differently, or maybe our conversation wasn’t as easy, but I knew something had changed.

  
Jade held up her finger and mouthed “one minute” before she walked off to talk to a guy from our class.

  
“Is that MG’s Camaro?” I jerked my head towards the starting line where the tenacious, red machine idled. The symmetry of his vehicle fit in any crowd or on any road. It was tough business not to respect a Camaro. And the tires were so wide that they looked like they would help the car float.

  
“Yeah,” she said, scrunching up her nose in disgust.

  
“He’s racing Sebastian?” What Sebastian would do to MG’s car would be considered a Shakespearean tragedy. Although I’d never seen Sebastian race, I’d heard about it. He wasn’t dirty so much as he was reckless and scared the shit out of the other driver.

  
“Apparently,” she answered.

  
“I thought you said Hope was going to avenge you.” I placed my hand over my chest and batted my eyelashes.

  
“Oh, shut up,” Lizzie said with fake irritability and took a sip of her beer. “That was actually the plan, but Adams is back from college for the weekend and wanted to race Hope. So ya know…,” she trailed off.

  
The best had to race the best, I guess.

  
I started to fidget at the mention of Diego Adams. He was a world-class jerk and treated everyone the same. Like shit. It didn’t matter if you were a man, woman, or child. Young, old, rich, or poor. Diego behaved like everyone was beneath him, and had no regard for ethics. He was dirty.

  
“Where is Hope?” Suddenly uneasy at the thought of her racing Diego, I scanned the crowd for her wispy auburn hair.

  
“Up with Sebastian, giving him a talk.” Lizzie gulped down her beer, and by the way she rocked her feet, I could tell she was restless.

  
“I’m sure Sebastian won’t do anything stupid. He won’t want to mess up his car. MG will be fine,” I assured.

  
“I couldn’t care less.” Her eyes looked anywhere but at me.

  
Yeah, right.

  
Startled by the thundering roar of an engine, I jerked my head towards the starting line and stood on my tip toes to peer through a gap in the crowd. Hope was leaning on Sebastian’s doorframe, talking to the concealed driver. Her hair fell in her eyes, and an easy grin spread across her lips. The way her face lifted with the radiant smile…

  
Oh, someone was playing the steel drums on my stomach.

  
I hated myself for going gooey at the knees. It was unacceptable to be affected by Hope, of all people. I was here with Jade, and she was very good looking, too, I told myself.

  
“Hey,” Jade walked back up and put an arm around me. Her body next to mine warmed me, and she smelled like perfume.

  
I almost begged for the flutters or whatever to take root in my stomach, but they never came. Having her close or having her eyes on me just didn’t affect me like it should.

  
Damn.

  
“Hey,” I replied. “Should we move to get a better view?”

  
“You’re really into this, aren’t you?” Jade looked down at me, an amused expression playing on her face.

  
“Cars? Hot chicks? Yeah.” I narrowed my eyebrows in a “duh” expression.

  
“Come this way.” Lizzie motioned to the right. “Hope’s parked right off the track. We can watch from over there.”

  
She was here with Hope. I’d almost forgotten. Of course she’d want to watch the action with her.

  
And why not? I was over our bullshit, and if she could ignore me for the past two days, then I could do the same.

  
We fought our way through the crowd as everyone took their viewing positions. Hope was already leaning on the hood of her mean, black car. With one leg propped up on the bumper, she fiddled with something in her hand. Her black bomber jacket was open to reveal a burgundy t-shirt, and she and the car both looked angry.

  
“Hi, ya.” Lizzie strolled up to her and leaned in.

  
“Hi, yourself.” She gave her a closed mouth smile, before looking to me. Her smile faded before her eyes narrowed on Jade.

  
“Hey, man.” Jade greeted Hope.

  
“Hey, how’s it going?” Hope asked pleasantly but looked away too soon.

  
Jade must’ve realized the rhetorical question, because she didn’t answer.

  
I stood there, trying to seem disinterested, as I looked anywhere but at Hope. Breaking out in a sweat as the images of us wrapped around each other the other night flashed through my head, I fanned myself slightly with the lapel of my jacket. The awkward vibe in the air made me contemplate who needed to be deleted from this equation to make it more comfortable: Hope, Lizzie, Jade, or me.

  
Lizzie broke the silence. “And Hope, this is Josette Saltzman. Say ‘ _hi_ ,’” she joked as Hope slid an arm around her waist. My breathing hitched.

  
She glanced over at me through hooded eyes, and took in my outfit, only jerking her chin at me before returning her focus to the starting line.

  
I rolled my eyes and turned toward the action.

  
“And we’re ready!” A young guy I assumed was the Race Master called out for people to clear the track. My eyes darted to all of the money changing hands as people placed their bets.

  
The roar of the engines vibrated under my feet and sent shivers up my legs. My toes curled. Damn, I wish I was racing. I hated being a spectator, but I still fidgeted with anticipation.

  
A girl in a short plaid skirt and tiny red camisole took position in front of the cars and raised her hands in the air.

  
“Ready?” she called out.

  
The engines revved, sending shouts of enthusiasm through the crowd.

  
“Set?” She raised her arms higher.

  
“Go!”

  
I jerked up to my tiptoes again to see the peel of the tires kicking up dust as they struggled to get going. I bobbed up and down a little with the excitement, and I couldn’t contain my ear to ear smile. The cars shot past, sending a gust of wind in my face and a thunderous pounding in my chest.

  
“Shit!” I heard behind me and turned to see Lizzie wiping her shirt.

  
“I spilled beer,” she mumbled.

  
I saw Hope a few feet behind her, still leaning on her car, not even watching the race. Her focus was entirely on me, something familiar in her expression. In that moment, the race, Jade, and Lizzie didn’t even exist.

  
A tiny moan barely made it out of my throat as my heart sped up and my stomach flip-flopped.

  
She was giving me the same look I got Wednesday night right before she kissed me, and I knew I hadn’t imagined anything. It was anger and desire mixed together to make something hot enough for my knees to go weak. From the way she’d been ignoring me yesterday and today, barely sparing me eye contact, I had begun to wonder if it’d all been a wet dream on my part.

  
But, nope.

  
Taking a deep breath and tearing my eyes away, I tore off my jacket and tossed it to Lizzie. “Put this on.”

  
“Thanks.” She held the cup in one hand and slipped on the jacket with the other.

  
Sparing Hope another glance, I noticed that her chest rose and fell hard as her eyes spit fire. The desire was gone. Her gaze was on Jade now, who I realized had also been looking at me but turned away as if she’d been caught eyeballing something she shouldn’t have.

  
Again, I immediately wanted to cover myself.

  
I was here for the race. I reminded myself and turned back to the track.

  
Sebastian and MG were never head to head. Either Sebastian was drastically behind MG, or MG was a ridiculous distance behind Sebastian. 

After a minute, the crowd started laughing when they realized that Sebastian was just toying with his opponent. No wonder Hope wasn’t watching. She knew it would be an easy win. Not that MG’s Camaro wasn’t worthy, but Sebastian was more experienced and had done a hell of a lot of work to his car.

  
On the last turn, Sebastian surged ahead one last time and crossed the finish line to the sounds of cheers and whistles. People rushed his car, and Sebastian emerged with an idiotic grin on his smug face. Some girl grabbed his gray t-shirt and stuck her tongue in his mouth. 

Eww.

  
MG slowly climbed out of his car and immediately looked to Lizzie who, I noticed, was blatantly wrapped around Hope again. My leg spasmed with an urge to kick something when I saw her bury her head in Lizzie’s neck. She giggled with pleasure, obviously for show.

  
“Hope’s up next.” Jade rubbed her jaw. “Adams’ awesome. I hope I didn’t bet on the wrong person.”

  
I honestly didn’t know who I would bet on if I cared to place money on either dickhead.

  
“Everyone clear the road!”

  
I jumped.

  
The Race Master was starting the next event. “Mikaelson and Adams, get your asses on the starting line.”

  
And suddenly I was nervous about this match up.

Jade and I parted with the crowd so Hope could pull her car out. Lizzie came up to stand beside us, but for some reason, I couldn’t look at her.

  
As Hope climbed in and started her engine, the girls around us started jumping and squealing. Papa Roach blared at a deafening level from her speakers. She revved the engine a few times to get the crowd going, a playful grin on her lips.

  
The Boss 302 pulled up onto the track, and I realized I almost felt like leaving. Hope and I had dreamed about being here together to race, and now I was on the outside looking in. She was living this without me, and I hated that I was being left out.

  
Diego had just pulled up in his Pontiac Trans Am. Even though his 2002 car was considered ancient compared to Hope’s, it stood an outstanding chance of winning. The amount of work and options Diego had added to his vehicle made it a formidable machine. Unfortunately, Diego Adams didn’t rely simply on his skills as a mechanic to win. There had been many injuries out here when he’d raced in high school.

“All right!” the Race Master announced. “Clear the track for the main event of the evening.”

According to Lizzie, the Loop only has a few races per week during the school year as the college kids had gone back to school, so this was a light night with only two races.

Hope’s music filled the air, and I saw her take something from her hand to hang it on the rearview mirror. I couldn’t make out what it was, only that it was bulky and looked like a necklace.

  
The same girl who set off Sebastian and MG came to stand in front of the cars, shaking her ass as she walked in front of their headlights.

  
The smell of fuel and tires permeated the air, while the engines’ rumble coursed through my legs. Hope stared ahead, wearing a stone face, waiting for the call.

  
“Ready?” Little Miss Look-At-Me called.

  
“Set?” The engines roared.

  
“Go!” Her arms fell hard to her sides, and the cars zoomed past her, kicking up dust and rocks in their wake. I darted onto the track with the flood of people to watch from behind, more afraid than excited this time.

  
As much as I hated to admit it, I was worried. Diego would do something shady and hurt Hope. Even after everything, I didn’t want to see her hurt.

The cars’ taillights got smaller the closer they reached the first turn. It was four lefts, and the race would be over. The turns were sharp, and this is where a drift racer might be better for the Loop. The track was small, these cars were big, and the turns were hell. For this reason, no cars were allowed to park on the perimeter of the turns.

  
Hope took the gentleman’s route by slowing down to make the turn after Diego, while the latter plowed ahead. Diego would either win or kill them both. Both cars skidded around the turn, sending a cloud of dust into the air, much to the delight of the onlookers who screamed relentlessly. Forging ahead, Hope caught up to Diego and they proceeded head to head.

  
Come on, come on. I clasped my palms together to my chest, fingers entwined so tight that my skin felt stretched. I rotated my body to follow their progress, seeing Hope pull back patiently each time to let Diego take the turns first.

My heart pounded, and my stomach was felt tight from the nervousness.

  
Coming up on the last turn, Hope pulled back behind Diego, but she wasn’t slowing down. As Diego rounded the last corner, he skidded further to the edge while Hope took the inside. Both cars recovered and were neck to neck as they neared the finish line.

  
The crowd cleared the track in a mad rush, and watched as both engines thundered past. The cars were so close that I couldn’t figure out who’d won.

  
As both cars slowed to a stop, everyone rushed them in a clustered mess of pushing and yelling. No one seemed to know who’d won.

  
I twisted my neck around, searching for the Race Master guy. He appeared to be deliberating with a couple of other people, probably trying to come to a decision.

  
“So did you see who won?” Lizzie asked, looking confused as we walked up to the cars.

  
“No. You?”

  
She shook her head.

  
“There you are!” Jade sidled up next to me and grabbed my hand. “I guess they’re not sure who won. Awesome race, huh?”

  
I let out a laugh. “My nails have been chewed into oblivion.”

  
“Come on. Let’s go see Hope.” Lizzie grabbed my wrist, and the three of us trekked up the track.

  
Approaching the cars, I noticed that the drivers were nose to nose between the vehicles. Their mouths were tight, and they were too close. They looked like they were about to turn the event into a fight.

  
As we pushed closer, I heard what they were saying.

  
“You were pushing into my lane!” Diego gritted through his teeth. “Or maybe you just don’t know how to handle your car.” His brown hair was slicked back, and his jeans and white t-shirt made him look like a 1950’s reject.

  
“There are no lanes on the track,” Hope snickered. “And let’s not talk about who can’t handle their muscle.”

  
Diego pointed his finger near Hope’s face as he spoke. “I’ll tell you what, Princess. Come back after you’ve grown some balls and taken off your training wheels. Then you’ll be man enough to race me.”

  
“Man enough?” Hope pinched her eyebrows together like that was the most ridiculous thing she’d ever heard. Turning to the crowd, Hope held her hands out to her sides, palms up. “Man enough?” she asked sarcastically.

  
The trampy blonde from Hope’s party, Dana, walked up and plastered herself to her like a snake. She cupped her cheek with one hand and grabbed her ass with the other. Plunging her tongue into Hope’s mouth, she kissed her slow and deep, putting her entire body into it.

  
The fucking crowd couldn’t scream any louder.

  
Heat shot out of my nose, ears, and eyes before I looked away.

  
She’d kissed me like that only two days ago.

  
Fuck her.

  
I peered over at Lizzie, whose eyebrows were raised in surprise.

  
“Are you okay?” I asked. 

Did I really care? 

Probably not, but at least it took my mind off the ache in my chest.

  
“Fan-fucking-tastic,” she snarled. “MG just saw that. Awesome.”

  
I almost laughed, realizing that the only thing she was pissed about was MG’s reaction. If MG didn’t think that Hope was serious about Lizzie, then he wouldn’t feel threatened.

  
She didn’t give a damn about Hope. That was for sure. And that made me feel a little better about kissing her behind her back.

  
“Okay!” The Race Master cut through the crowd. “Out of the way, out of the way.”

  
His eyes swept the crowd, waiting for them to quiet down. Dana peeled herself off Hope and retreated back to her friends, wiping her off her lips as she stumbled.

  
“Listen up. We have some good news and bad news. The bad news is that we’re calling a tie.” Moans and expletives sounded around the crowd. Bets had been placed, and people were upset. “But, the good news is,” he continued, “we have a way to solve the stalemate.”

  
His smirk scared me. I let go of Jade’s hand to inch closer, now standing at the inside of the crowd. Hope and Diego were both frowning.

  
“A rematch?” Hope asked.

  
“Kind of.” The Race Master looked a little too amused. “If you guys want to settle this, then your cars will race again, but…you won’t be the drivers.”

  
Murmurs could be heard around the crowd, and my eyes darted to Hope to see her stunned expression.

  
“Excuse me?” Diego inched closer and questioned.

  
“We know you’re exceptional drivers. The race was close enough to prove that. Let’s see who has the better machine.”

  
“So who’s going to drive the cars?” Hope all but shouted, her face gone pale.

  
The Race Master’s face puffed out as he grinned.

“Your girlfriends.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol duces


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope and josie being genius’ about cars jus hits different

I was sure the laughter at the Loop could be heard all the way to the Salvatore house. Some people cheered at the Race Master’s innovative solution, while others bitched about their bets. But everyone seemed to agree that a race by two dimwitted teenage girls in high performance machines would be hilarious.

  
“Dude! That’s not happening!” Diego glanced over to his girlfriend, a petite Mexican girl with more weight in her chest than the rest of her body. Knowing Diego, they could’ve been dating for two months or two minutes. 

Who knew?

  
“Jeremy, I don’t have a girlfriend. I _never_ have a girlfriend,” Hope stated point blank to the Race Master, emphasizing the word “never.”

  
“What about the pretty little thing you arrived with?” Jeremy asked.

  
Hope’s stare flipped over to Lizzie, and her eyes bulged.

  
Swallowing hard, Lizzie yelled, “She’s just my rebound.” The crowd let out a loud “ohhhh,” to which Lizzie smiled at her own tenacity. Hope raised her eyebrows to Jeremy in a “you see?” kind of look.

  
“No one drives my car,” Hope clarified to Jeremy.

  
“I agree with the Princess here.” Diego jerked his head at Hope. “This is stupid.”

  
Jeremy shrugged. “The crowd’s already seen you two race. They want to be entertained. If you two have any interest in settling this score so people can get paid, then you’ll play it my way. Be on the starting line in five minutes or leave.” He started walking away, but stopped and turned. “Oh, and you can ride shotgun if you like…you know, for moral support.” He couldn’t get the last words out without cracking up. He probably expected the poor girls to wind up in tears before finishing the race.

  
Jeremy walked off, and whispers broke around the crowd. Diego stalked away, while Hope walked over to us.

  
“This is bullshit.” She ran her fingers through her hair.

  
“Hey, man. I could drive for you,” Sebastian chimed in. “We’d just have to tell them about our secret relationship.” He hooked his arms over my and Jade’s shoulders playfully, but I shrugged him off.

  
Hope ignored him. The wheels in her brain were turning as she paced the ground in front of us. She was probably trying to think of a way out of this, but when she stopped and let out a defeated sigh, I knew she was cornered.

  
I looked over at Diego, who was leading his girlfriend to his car, apparently giving her instructions on a manual transmission.

  
Oh, boy. My cheeks sucked in as I tried not to laugh.

  
“Hope, I can’t race for you,” Lizzie laughed out. “There’s got to be someone else.”

  
She looked up to the sky and shook her head. Even though I didn’t want to see her car get trashed, I found the situation amusing. 

Serves her right.

  
“There’s only one other person who I’d even slightly trust driving my car.” She raised an eyebrow and turned to lock eyes with me.

  
All the air left my body. “Me?”

  
“ _Her_?” Sebastian burst out, and Jade and Lizzie echoed.

  
Hope crossed her arms over her chest and approached me like a cop in an interrogation room. “Yeah, you.”

  
“ _Me_?” I peered up at her like she was crazy. If she thought I’d do her any favors, she was crazy.

  
“I’m looking at you, aren’t I?” Hope’s snotty tone and condescending stare made me want to say “yes” and then crash the damn car in the hopes she’d be the one to break into tears.

  
I blew her off and looked at my date. “Jade, can we get an early start to that bonfire? I’m bored here.” Turning around, ignoring Jade’s dumbfounded look, I headed for the edge of the crowd.

  
A hand hooked me at the crook of my elbow and gently pulled me to a stop. I looked up to see Hope struggling to meet my eyes.

  
“Can I talk to you?” Her voice was hushed, and her demeanor gentle. It had been so long, I’d forgotten how human she could be. Though, it wasn’t enough for me to forget how horrible she’d been, either.

  
“No,” I spat out the same, flat response she’d given to me weeks ago when I’d asked her to turn down her music.

  
She took a breath. “You know how hard this is for me.” She looked away and then back again. “I _need_ you,” she sighed, sounding defeated.

  
I sucked in a breath at those words. She _needed_ me? By the way she breathed through her nose and wouldn’t make eye contact, I knew she was uncomfortable saying those words. Part of me wanted to help her, but the other part of me just wanted to walk away. Where was she when I’d needed her in the past?

  
I hated myself for, even a moment, considering that I could forgive her for everything after uttering those three simple words. Too little, too late.

  
“And tomorrow when you don’t need me? Will I be shit under your boot again?” My response was angrier than I’d planned. I resented how easily I found myself caving to her.

  
“She’ll do it,” Lizzie called out over Hope’s shoulder. I hadn’t realized she was standing near us, but when I looked up I noticed Jade and Sebastian crashing our conversation, too. My heart sped up again.

  
“Lizzie!” I chastised. “You don’t speak for me. And I’m not doing it!” I directed the last to Hope.

  
“You want to,” she retorted.

  
And she was right.

  
I wanted to drive Hope’s car _badly_. I wanted to show all of these people what I was made of. I wanted to show Hope that I was worth something.

  
And it was that thought that made me want to walk away. I didn’t have to prove anything to her. I knew my worth, and I didn’t need her approval.

  
“Perhaps,” I conceded. “But I do have pride. She’s not getting a damn thing from me.”

  
“Thank you.” Hope cut off Lizzie before she had a chance to respond.

  
“For what?” I shot back.

  
“For reminding me of what a disappointing, self-serving bitch you are,” Hope gritted through her teeth as she got in my face. Heat rose to my head as I started to feel like words weren’t enough anymore.

  
My arms went stiff, my finger curling into fists. I was fantasizing about having Hope handcuffed while I punched the crap out of her.

  
Before I could respond with a snarky comeback, Sebastian snapped, “That’s enough. Both of you.” He stepped between us, switching his glare from Hope to me. “Right now, I don’t give a fuck what the history is between you two, but we need asses in that car. People will lose a hell of a lot of money.”

  
He rolled up his sleeves as if he was going to personally throw us into the car. “Hope? You’re going to lose a lot of money. And Josie? You think everyone treated you badly before? Two-thirds of the people here tonight bet on Hope. When they hear that her first choice turned her down, the rest of your school year will be hell without Hope or me having to lift a finger. Now, the both of you, get in the goddamn car!”

  
Everyone stood there, shocked. Sebastian never made sense, but he succeeded in making me feel immature and childish. A lot of people were counting on Hope’s win, and as much as I hated admitting Sebastian was right, he made a valid point.

  
“She has to ask to me nicely.” I crossed my arms, keeping my expression impassive.

  
“What?” Hope blurted out.

  
“She has to say ‘please,’” I repeated for Lizzie, Sebastian and Jade, not willing to address Hope after she’d just insulted me.

  
The others stood staring at Hope and me as if they were waiting to see which bomb would go off first. Hope shook her head with a bitter smile on her face and finally took a deep breath before responding.

  
“Josette.” Her voice was calm, but the underlying bitterness was there. “Would you ride with me, please?”

  
I eyed her for a moment, appreciating this rare show of humbleness, even if it was forced, before I held out my hand. “Keys?”

  
Hope dropped them in my hand.

  
As I bit the corner of my mouth to stifle a smile, I ran up onto the track with Hope following behind. I saw Diego hopping out of his car, having backed it into place behind the starting line for his girlfriend. I jogged up to Hope’s car, and the clusters of people around the track erupted in whispers and whistles at seeing me head for the driver’s side.

  
Hope climbed into the passenger’s seat, and I slammed my door shut after sinking into the cool leather. The impressive car was almost entirely black on the inside, and I immediately felt chills on my arms. Hope’s car sang of its power with its cave-like feel: cool, dark, and animalistic.

  
Hot damn.

  
Turning the key, I backed into position as the crowd departed to the sidelines. The vibration through my thighs made my center tingle, and I immediately looked over to Hope, who was watching me.

  
Her elbow propped next to her window, she leaned her head on her hand and peered at me with a mixture of curiosity and amusement. I wondered what she thought of me behind her wheel.

  
“You’re smiling,” she pointed out, almost as an accusation.

  
I stroked the steering wheel without meeting her eyes. “Don’t ruin this for me by talking, please.”

  
Hope cleared her throat and continued anyway. “So, your dad taught us both how to drive sticks, and the Bronco is a manual, so I’m assuming you don’t have any questions about that part, right?”

  
“None.” My pulse was hammering through my fingertips.

  
“Good. The turns are tight. Tighter than they look. The idea is to get there first, or fall behind to go after. Don’t try to make a left with Diego’s car, got it?”

  
I nodded. My eyes stared straight ahead, ready to get going as my foot anxiously tapped.

  
“At each left, let off the gas before you turn, and then accelerate after you’ve straightened out. If you feel like you need apply the brake on the turn then do it but as minimally as possible. Don’t accelerate until you’ve rounded the turn. You’ll spin out.”

  
I nodded again.

  
“Hit the gas in between turns. On the last leg, hit it hard.” Her voice was commanding.

  
“Hope, I got it.” I looked over to her. “I can do this.”

  
She didn’t look like he believed me, but she stopped anyway. “Buckle up.”

  
Following her order, I glanced over to my left and saw Diego barking orders at his girlfriend while she nodded nervously. Jeremy walked between the two cars to take his position up front. Thankfully, it appeared he would send us on our way instead of the slutty jailbait from before.

  
As I looked out the front windshield, keeping my eye on Jeremy, I noticed what Hope had hung on her rearview mirror. I reached out and grabbed the oval shaped piece of clay, secured by a light green ribbon. Heat crept up on my neck, and my throat tightened.

  
It was the Mother’s Day necklace I’d made for my mom after she’d died.

  
Hope and I had made fossils of our fingerprints one year to give to our moms. Using air dry clay, we made a thumbprint and hung the small oval piece from a ribbon, making a necklace. She gave hers to her mom, and I had put mine on my mom’s grave. The next time I’d visited her, the necklace was gone. I figured it was lost or the weather had worn it away.

  
Turns out it was stolen. I looked to Hope, partly puzzled and partly angry.

  
“Good luck charm,” she offered, not meeting my eyes. “I took it a couple of days after you left it there. I thought it would be stolen or ruined. Kind of had it with me ever since.”

  
Letting it go, I looked out the window and tried to even out my breathing. I guess I was glad it still existed. But it was my mom’s, and she had no right to take it.

  
But she still had it? Even after everything. Why?

  
I made a mental note to get it back after the race.

  
“Are. We. Ready?” Jeremy’s voice startled me as he shouted to the crowd. They screamed through their beer drenched excitement.

  
Hope tuned the iPod to Bullet for My Valentine’s Waking the Demon. I gripped the steering wheel, using the music to clear my head and zone in.

  
“Ready?” Jeremy called out and I revved my engine, seeing Diego’s girl jump to rev her engine immediately after.

  
“Set?” Hope put one hand on the dash while turning up the music with the other.

  
“Go!” Jeremy dropped his arms.

  
Slamming on the gas, I peeled over the dirt road and took off. As the music filled the moment, my hands pushed against the steering wheel, so that my back dug into the seat. With my arms full of tension, I focused on the road ahead.

  
Shit! The car had a lot of power.

  
“The first turn comes up fast,” Hope warned. I didn’t know if the other car was next to me or behind me. All I knew was that it wasn’t in front of me, and I didn’t care about anything else. I would race this car without any opponent.

  
My thighs, dampened with sweat, grated across the seat as I lifted my leg to push in the clutch. I lightly applied the brakes in preparation for rounding the corner. As I let off the brake and made the first turn, the rear started to slide. I quickly steered to the right as the car slid left, to keep from skidding out. Dust clouded the track, and my heart was pounding. I stepped down on the clutch and shifted back into third gear. As my speed picked up and I shifted immediately into fourth, I caught sight of the other car in my rearview mirror.

  
“Hit the gas!” Hope shouted. “And don’t turn so hard. You’re losing time correcting yourself.”

  
Whatever.

  
“Who’s in first place?” I reminded her.

  
“Don’t get cocky.” Hope alternated between scoping the road and looking behind us to the Trans Am.

  
Sweat dripped from my brow and my fingers were exhausted from clenching the wheel so hard. Relaxing, I turned up the music and kicked us into sixth gear, bypassing fifth altogether.

  
This is awesome! The easy way the gas propelled the car forward felt like a space shuttle. Or so I assumed.

  
“Next turn is coming. You need to slow down.”

  
Yap, yap, yap.

  
“Josette, you need to slow _down_.” Hope’s voice echoed somewhere in the back of my mind.

  
The turn was three seconds away, and the vibrations shooting through my legs prevented me from laying off the gas. Gripping the steering wheel tighter, I charged ahead.

  
Taking my foot off the gas, but not braking, I made a sharp left, and then skidded right, and then forced the wheel left again until I was straightened out. More dust flew around us, but I recovered quickly and slammed on the gas again. Looking behind us, I saw that the Trans Am had spun out around that turn and was now trying to recover. They were more than thirty yards behind us.

  
Yes!

  
“Don’t do that again,” Hope grumbled, now holding the dash with both hands as I stared down the road ready for more. The next turn came and went successfully no matter how much Hope wailed about slowing down.

  
For an asshole and a rule-breaker, she really played it safe. And for someone who always played it safe, I’d turned out to be quite the rule-breaker.

  
As we advanced on the last turn with a significant gain, I slowed down to about thirty miles an hour and shifted down to third. Cruising around the bend at a comfortable speed without any skidding or dust, I looked over at Hope with a wide-eyed, innocent expression.

  
“Is this okay, Ms. Daisy?” Biting the corner of my mouth to keep from laughing, I noticed her eyes flash to my lips. Heat rose in her gaze, and tingles blossomed through my stomach and down to the sensitive area between my legs.

  
“Josette?” Her eyes narrowed to slits. “Stop toying with your opponent and win the damn race already.”

  
“Yes’m, Ms. Daisy,” I retorted with my best Southern accent.

  
I cruised over the finish line at a safe and hilarious thirty-five miles an hour as I caught the Trans Am in my rearview mirror stuttering around the last turn. Clusters of people swarmed the car, but Hope and I stayed inside for a few moments.

  
Putting the car into neutral and lifting the e-brake, I leaned my head against the head rest and massaged the steering wheel. My pulse was still going a mile a minute, and I felt alive. That was the most exciting thing I’d ever done. Every nerve on my body felt like it was on a sugar high.

  
“Thank you, Hope,” I whispered, not looking at her. “Thank you for asking me to do this.”

  
I reached over and grabbed my mom’s necklace off the mirror and slipped it over my head.

  
When I looked over at her, she was leaning against her fist with a finger across her lips. What was she trying to hide? A smile?

  
Raking a hand through her hair, she opened her door, and the sounds of cheers and screaming rushed in like water into a sinking boat. Looking down at her boots, she shook her head. “Waking the demon….” she mumbled to herself, and I wasn’t sure what she meant.

  
Before she climbed out, she looked over at me again through hooded lids. “Thank you, Josie,” she whispered.

  
The hair on my neck stood up, and my hands shook.

  
She hadn’t called me “Josie” since we were fourteen. _Not_ since we were friends.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry Sorry Sorry SORRY for the long wait,,,school bodied me cuz this “quad semester” as they call it, is ending this month so we’re going fast with everything but anyways, 
> 
> a few things :
> 
> 1\. There’s sexual assault in this chapter but hopefully it isn’t too much where you can’t handle it.
> 
> 2\. I didn’t proofread this so if you get confused i’m so sorry jus look away lmfao
> 
> 3\. I was inspired to write this chapter because hogwarts au updated 
> 
> but yeah enjoy i guess <3

Amber Cruz charged me once Jade and I had arrived at the bonfire. “That was awesome! My brother is like so unbelievably happy he won that bet.”

  
Bonfires were held on Kevin Howard’s property, on the banks of Durham Lake, practically every week, especially following races and football games. The bitter cold of January and February was the only time when little happened, both at the lake and the Salvatore farm track.

  
“I’m glad I could help,” I responded. And it was true. Racing tonight had been the best time I’d ever had. “But I only won because the other girl had no idea how to drive a manual.”

  
Why did I say that? I rocked that race whether or not the twit knew what she was doing.

  
She hooked my arm, while Jade had her hand around my waist. Others came up to greet us, either to say “hi” to Jade or to congratulate me.

  
“Well, I for one would love to see you race again. How about you, Jade?” Amber addressed my date as she turned her attention away from her football buddies.

  
“I think I’m a lucky girl.” She peered down at me, and it didn’t escape my notice how she evaded the question. I wondered if it embarrassed her to have her date doing something the guys typically only took part in.

  
As it was already ten-thirty, I committed to staying for an hour before having Jade take me home. With the meet in the morning, I’d have to get home and rest whether I liked it or not.

  
“Great race tonight, Josie.” Kym Hawkin patted me on the shoulder as she passed by.

“Thanks,” I exhaled, feeling unsettled with the attention.

  
“You alright?” Jade pulled me close.

  
“Absolutely,” I choked out before inching towards the refreshments. “Can we get something to drink?”

  
She held up her hand to keep me put. “Stay here, I’ll be back.” And she walked off to the keg.

  
Clots of people stood around the fire or sat on boulders, while others circulated. Lizzie hadn’t arrived yet, that I could see, and I assumed she drove with Hope. I stood there, feeling uneasy about my place. I guess I could thank Hope for me being more comfortable around a small group than lots of people. Because of her, I’d never been invited to these things.

  
I shook my head slightly to clear my thoughts. I needed to stop blaming her. It was her fault that I’d been black-listed in the past, but it wasn’t her fault that I’d accepted it. This was on me now.

  
Looking over to the group of girls giggling near the water, I recognized one from my cross-country team.

  
“Screw it.” I shrugged my shoulders and decided to dive in. I took a step towards the group when a voice stopped me.

  
“Screw what?”

  
Goose bumps spread over my body as I turned around to face Hope. She held a cup in one hand and her phone in the other. She appeared to be sending a text while waiting for my reply. She slipped the phone into her back pocket and raised her eyes to me.

  
The hair on my arms felt electrified with static as if it were drawn to Hope. Rubbing my hands up and down my arms, I turned my head back to the fire, trying to ignore her. I still wasn’t sure where we stood. We weren’t friends, but we weren’t enemies anymore either. And having a normal conversation was still out of the question.

  
“You’re cold.” Hope pulled up beside me. “Does Lizzie still have your jacket?”

  
I sighed, unsure about what was causing my annoyance this time. Maybe it was because every time Hope was around me, the nerves in my body became a springs pulsating heat, whereas Jade made me feel like curling up on the couch to watch American Idol.

  
Hope probably never watched T.V. Too mundane of an activity.

  
Also, I found it ridiculous that Hope acted concerned about me being cold when earlier this week she’d said she didn’t care whether I lived or died. She’d apologized for nothing, and I couldn’t forget that.

  
“Well, she was wearing my jacket when you brought her here, wasn’t she?” My snippy remark was greeted with a smirk.

  
“She didn’t come with me. I don’t know if she’s even here yet.” Her head turned and her eyes looked down to me.

  
“What do you mean? You left the race without her, didn’t you?”

  
“No, she caught a ride with MG. I came here alone.” Hope’s low, tone washed over me, and I fought back a smile hearing her last words.

  
It looked like Lizzie and MG were on the road to recovery.

  
I cleared my throat. “And that was okay with you?” I asked.

  
“Why wouldn’t it be?” She asked me point-blank, a confused expression on her face.

  
Of course. What was I thinking? Hope didn’t date, and there was no way she was invested in Lizzie. I dug into the small bag resting on my hip and searched for my phone.

  
“If I see her, I’ll tell her to find you.” Hope started to walk away but stopped after a few steps and turned back to me. “I’m going to need the fossil back.” She gestured towards the necklace around my neck.

  
I realized she was talking about her good luck charm. “Not going to happen.” And I directed my attention back to my phone.

  
“Oh, Josie. I always get what I want.” Her low, flirty tone made me freeze. My fingers were paused above my cell screen as if I’d suddenly forgotten how to send a text. I looked up in time to see her smile and walk away.

  
Watching her head to Sebastian and others in her crew, I was more puzzled now that I was earlier this week. I’d wanted Hope to become more human, and I’d wanted her to treat me well. Now that she’s showing signs of both, I was sick with unanswered questions. Old feelings seeped through the cracks of the wall I’d built to keep him out.

  
“Hey, here you go.” Jade walked up with two beers, handing me one.

  
“Thanks.” I licked my lips and took a sip, letting the bitter taste wet my tongue and throat.

  
Jade ran her fingers down my hair and combed it behind my ear. My muscles tensed. My invisible three feet of personal space had been breached, and I wanted to step away.

  
Why? Why couldn’t I just like this girl? I was frustrated with myself. She seemed decent and goal-oriented. Why wasn’t she turning my insides to goo or making me daydream?

  
I felt the certainty creep up on me, and I was powerless to stop it. I didn’t want Jade. Plain and simple. I wasn’t going to be one of those silly girls in a love triangle romance novel who couldn’t choose. Not that I was in a love triangle, but I never understood how a girl can’t know whether or not she wants a guy. We can be confused about what is good for us but not about what we truly want.

  
And I didn’t want Jade. That much I knew.

  
“Was that Hope you were talking to?” She gestured with her beer to the other side of the fire where Hope laughed with a couple of guys from school.

  
“Yeah.” I took another sip.

  
Jade exhaled a chuckle and took a gulp of her beer. “Still not big on giving up information, are you?”

  
“Oh, it was nothing. I was looking for Lizzie, and I thought they came together.”

  
“She gets around, huh?” Jade commented more than asked.

  
“How do you mean?” I said defensively. Lizzie and I had been stressed lately, but she was my best friend.

  
“Moving from MG to Hope, and back to MG. I saw them after your race. They looked pretty close.”

  
“Two people means she gets around?” I was actually relieved that she’d moved past Hope, but I didn’t like Jade or anyone else drawing conclusions about her.

  
Jade gave me a contrite look and changed the subject. Clearly, she was smart enough to know that she shouldn’t go there. “Well, you did great tonight. The school is going to be talking about it for a while. Looks like I scored the jackpot.” Jade hooked an arm around me and led me around the bonfire.

  
The jackpot? What was that supposed to mean?

  
Hope and I circulated to different clusters of her friends, in between her running back and forth to the keg. I’d had two sips of my beer and put it down. Despite my best hints to Jade that I needed to be home soon, she was on her fourth beer, and I knew she wasn’t going to be able to drive. I was starting to wonder how I’d be getting home.

  
I’d spotted Lizzie and MG a half an hour ago, sitting on a boulder talking. Or rather, MG talked while Lizzie listened and cried a little. Their conversation looked intense and important by the way their heads were together, so I’d opted to leave them alone.

  
While I tried to ignore the vibe of Hope’s presence, I found myself unable to keep from looking for her. I’d seen her chatting with her friends, and the last time I looked, Dana had her face buried in Hope’s neck. She looked trashy in her short, tight black dress and heels. Who wore heals to the beach? Not even a real beach, either, but a rocky and muddy lakeshore.

  
To my delight, she looked about as interested in her as she would a plate of parsnips. I stole enough glances to see her try to throw her off a few times. She finally took the hint and stalked off in a pout.

  
Hope caught my eyes more than once, but I broke contact immediately every time. The images of the other night mixed with her penetrating, smoky stare created a throbbing need deep inside of me.

  
I let out a rough sigh. It’s definitely time to get out of here.

  
Glancing at my watch, I met Jade on her way back from the keg. “Hey, I really need to go now. I have that race tomorrow,” I reminded her.

  
Jade’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “Oh, come on. It’s only eleven-thirty.”

  
The whining was a shock, and I was definitely turned off.

  
“We can stay for a little while longer,” she said.

  
“Sorry, Jade. That’s why I offered to drive myself instead. I really do have to go.” With my best apologetic smile, I stood my ground. I wasn’t afraid of what she thought, because I knew that this was probably our last date. The spark wasn’t there, and aside from the racing, I would’ve been happier staying at home with a book tonight.

  
“Let’s just stay for another half an hour.” She tried shoving her beer at me as if getting me drunk was the answer, but she ended up swaying to the side and had to latch onto my arm for support.

  
“You’re not okay to drive,” I pointed out. “I can drop you at home, and you can pick up your car at my house tomorrow.”

  
“No, no.” Jade held up her hands. “I’ll cut myself off now and sober up. We’ll be on our way soon.”

  
“Well, you shouldn’t drive. Not at all.” I averted my eyes, my aggravation building

  
“I can take care of myself, Josie,” Jade asserted. “If you want to leave now, then you’ll have to find another ride. If you want to leave with me, I’ll be ready in a while.”

  
What?! How long is “a while??”

  
This was getting ridiculous, and my patience was spent. She’d said we could leave by 11:30, and I’d taken her at her word.

  
Jade pulled at my arm to lead me back to the bonfire, but I yanked it free and stalked away. She didn’t say another word, so I assumed she kept going without me.

  
I needed to get home, and Jade was no longer my ride. Was this the scene I’d been itching to be a part of? Jade and her friends were about as interesting as cornflakes, the girls had no other interests beside shopping and makeup, and the guys here gave me the urge to sanitize my eyeballs after seeing the way they looked at me.

  
After a quick sweep of the area, I ascertained that Lizzie was already gone. I dug my phone out of my purse and dialed her anyway. 

No answer.

  
Looking around for the cross-country teammate I’d spotted earlier, I noticed that she, too, was nowhere in sight. The only other option was to call my grandma, who I dreaded waking up at this hour, but she’d at least be happy to know I’d called for a safe ride.

  
I twisted my lips up in disappointment when my Grandma didn’t answer her phone, either. That wasn’t unusual, since she often forgot to take her phone to bed. And thanks to the convenience of cell phones, we’d disconnected our hard line years ago.

  
Awesome.

  
My only options at this point were to wait for Jade and convince her to let me drive or hike it to the parking lot and ask someone I knew for a ride.

  
Jade could go piss up a tree.

  
I trekked over the rocks and into the woods for the short traipse to the clearing near the road where everyone parked.

  
With no flashlight available, I used my cell phone screen as a light to guide my way. It was a straight shot, but the path was littered with sticks and stumps. Trees had already begun losing their leaves, but the rain we’d received this fall kept everything moist and pliable. Droplets splattered my ankles as I stomped on wet foliage, and a few bare branches poked at my skin, stinging me.

  
“Well, look what _I_ found.”

  
I jumped, startled out of the quiet that had just surrounded me. Looking up, I cringed at the sight of Connor Reynolds…who was eye-fucking me as usual.

It looked like he was coming from where I was trying to go, and now he blocked my way. “It’s fate, Josie.” His sing-song voice rhymed.

  
“Get out of my way, Connor.” I approached him slowly, but he didn’t budge. I tried to go around him, but his hands shot out to grab my waist, and he pulled me to him. My muscles tightened, and my hands curled into fists.

  
“Shh,” Connor implored as I tried to push myself away. His breathing echoed in my ear, and he reeked of alcohol. “Josie, I’ve wanted you for so long. You know that. How about you put me out of my misery, and let me to take you home?” His nose was in my hair, and his hands dropped to my ass. I stiffened.

  
“Stop it,” I ordered and tried to bring my knee up between his legs. But it seemed he already anticipated that move, because his legs were too close together.

  
Connor shook with laughter. Kneading my ass, he whispered, “Oh, I know you’re tricks, Josie. Stop fighting it. I could take you on the ground right now if I wanted to.”

  
His lips crushed down on mine, and the acidic taste of vomit rose in my throat.

  
I bit down on his bottom lip, hard enough for my bottom teeth to feel my top teeth through the skin. He growled and released me, pawing at his mouth to check for blood.

  
Grabbing the pepper spray out of my purse that my dad insisted I keep there, I shot for his eyes. He screamed and stumbled backwards as his hands covered his face. I finally brought my knee up between his legs, and watched him crumple to the ground, grabbing the strap of my tank top as he fell.

  
Run! Just run! I screamed to myself.

  
But no. I leaned over him as he let out wails of pain. “Why are the guys at our school such dicks?!”

  
One hand covering his eyes and the other hand clutching his crotch.

  
“Shit! You fucking bitch!” Connor groaned as he tried to open his eyes.

  
“Josette!” Hope’s voice boomed behind me, and my shoulders jerked before spinning around. Eyes furiously jetting between Connor and me, Hope looked as rigid as a lion before the pounce. She let out shallow breathes between her lips, and her hands were tight fists. I saw her eyes dart to my shoulder where the strap of my top lay flopped forward where it had ripped.

  
“Did he hurt you?” Hope asked evenly, but her lips were tight, and her eyes were murderous.

  
“He tried.” I covered my shoulder where my skin was exposed. “I’m fine.” My voice was curt. The last thing I wanted tonight was to play the damsel in distress for Hope.

  
Peeling off her black bomber jacket, Hope tossed it to me as she headed my way. “Put this on. Now.”

  
Catching the jacket as it hit me in the face, part of me wanted to throw it right back at her. Although Hope and I had found common ground during the race, it didn’t mean that I wanted or needed her help.

  
However, I was exposed, cold, and in no mood to draw attention to myself. Slipping on the jacket, the heat from Hope’s body warmed my arms and chest. The sleeves were cuffed and fell below my hands, and when I brought them up to let the warmth cover my cold cheeks, I could smell her scent. The vanilla scent and tire smell almost made my lungs burst as I tried to take deeper breaths of the aroma.

  
“You have a poor, fucking memory, Reynolds. What did I tell you?” Hope bent down to growl in Connor’s face. She grabbed a handful of Connors shirt at her chest and hauled him upright before delivering a strong blow to Connor’s stomach.

  
My eyes damn-near bulged at Hope’s attack. The guttural punch reminded me of molding clay. Connor’s figure bent with the hit, and he wouldn’t be the same for a while. His wheezing, as he tried to catch his breath, sounded like a cross between a smoker and a zombie’s gurgling.

  
Hope used her left hand to clamp Connor around the neck as she backed him up to a tree. With her right fist she delivered blow after blow to Connor’s face. My knees started to cave as I watched Hope squeeze Connor’s neck until her knuckles were white.

  
Stop, Hope.

  
She kept punching until blood dripped from Connor eye and nose.

  
When she didn’t show any signs of stopping, I stepped forward. “Stop. Hope, stop!” I called out, my firm voice carrying over Connor’s grunts and gasps.

  
Hope ceased her assault but immediately yanked Connor by the crook of his elbow and threw him to the ground. “This isn’t over,” she assured the bloodied, crumpled mess on the ground.

  
What was she doing?

  
Turning to face me, Hope’s chest rose and fell heavily with her breathing. The exertion made her body seem weighed down as her shoulders slumped, but her eyes were still vicious. She looked at me with a mixture of weariness and fury.

  
“I’m taking you home.” She turned to walk for the lot, not even seeing if I’d follow.

  
Take me _home_?! Yeah, so she could feel like the big hero?

  
Letting Hope feel like she’d dug me out of a situation I had control of cut my pride. Screw that.

  
“No thanks. I have a ride,” I spit out the lie before I let her do me any favors.

  
“Your ride,” Hope turned to look at me with disgust, “is drunk. Now, unless you’d like to wake up your poor grandmother to come out into the middle of nowhere to get you after your date gets drunk, and you almost get raped—which I’m sure will do wonders for your father trusting you to be alone, by the way—then you’ll get in the goddamn car, Josie.”

  
And she turned to walk away, knowing I’d follow her.

The click signaling that the car doors had been unlocked sounded, and I climbed into Hope’s warm car, the passenger side this time. My hands were shaking from my encounter with Connor, so I struggled as I tried to take off Hope’s jacket.

  
“Leave it on.” She didn’t even spare me a glance before turning the ignition.

  
I hesitated. Her anger was visible as the muscles in her jaw clenched. “But I’m not cold anymore.”

  
“And I can’t look at your ripped shirt right now.”

  
I shrugged the shirt back over my shoulders, put my belt on, and slammed into the back of the seat as she peeled out of the parking lot.

  
What the _hell_ was her problem?

  
Was she mad at me or Connor? Obviously, Hope didn’t want to see me hurt—not physically, anyway. But why was she being so curt with me?

  
The car fishtailed slightly as it left the gravel lot and pulled onto the paved road of the highway. Hope weighed down on the gas and shifted forcefully as we picked up speed. No music played, and she didn’t speak.

  
The highway was deserted except for the haunting trees that loomed over us on the sides. Judging by how quickly everything flew past my window, Hope was way over the speed limit.

  
Peeking at her through the corner of my eye, I saw that she was seething. She licked her lips and took several heavy breaths, while she tightened and retightened her grip on the steering wheel.

  
“What’s your problem?” I grabbed the bull by the horns and asked.

  
“My _problem_?” She raised her eyebrows as if I’d just asked the dumbest question. “You come to the bonfire with that idiot Jade Tulle, who can’t stay sober enough to drive you home, and then you traipse off into the woods, in the dark, and get groped by Reynolds. Maybe you’re the one with the problem.” Her voice was low but bitter and spiteful.

  
She was mad at _me_? Oh, hell no.

  
I turned in my seat and looked straight at her. “If you recall, I had the situation under control.” I tried to keep my voice calm. “Whatever favor you think you were doing me only satisfied your own anger. Leave me out of it.”

  
She sucked in her cheeks and continued down the highway.

  
As I glanced at the speedometer, my eyes bulged when I noticed that Hope was driving over eighty miles per hour.

  
“Slow down,” I ordered.

  
She ignored my plea and gripped the steering wheel harder. “There’s going to be situations you can’t handle, Josie. Connor Reynolds wasn’t going to take too kindly to what you did to him tonight. Did you think that was going to be the end of it? He would’ve come after you again. Do you know how badly Sebastian wanted to do something after you broke his nose? He didn’t want to hurt you, but he wanted to retaliate.”

  
Why didn’t he then?

  
Sebastian had been humiliated, no doubt, at that party more than a year ago when I broke his nose. But he’d just let it roll off him, or so I thought, and hadn’t sought any payback. Thanks to Hope.

  
I guess Connor wouldn’t be seeking retribution, either. Not with Hope involved.

  
I felt gravity pull my body towards the other side of the car, and my heart thumped wildly when I saw that Hope wasn’t slowing down as we rounded the soft turn.

  
“You need to slow down.”

  
Hope snorted. “No, I don’t think so, Josie. You wanted the full high school experience, didn’t you? Football player girlfriend, casual sex, reckless behavior?” She goaded me with her sarcasm.

  
What was she talking about? I never wanted that stuff. I just wanted to be normal.

  
And then she switched off his headlights.

  
Oh, God.

  
The road was black, and I couldn’t see more than a foot in front of us. Thankfully, there were reflectors that separated our lane from the oncoming traffic, but the country roads were busy with deer and other animals, not just traffic.

  
What the hell was he doing?

  
“Hope, stop it! Turn on the lights!” I braced one hand on the dash as I turned to confront her. We were zooming down the road at a frightening speed, and a lump formed in my throat.

  
The tattoo on her arm peeked out of her shirt, and it stretched with her tensing muscles while she gripped the stick shift. My legs were weak, and for the first time in a long time, I was too scared to think.

  
“Hope, stop the car now!” I yelled. “Please!”

  
“Why? This isn’t fun?” Hope’s voice was disturbingly calm. None of this scared her, or even excited her. “Do you know how many squealing airheads I’ve had sitting in that seat? They loved it.” Her eyebrows pinched together as she looked at me with mock puzzlement. She was pushing me.

  
“Stop. The. Car!” I screamed, my heart pounding with dread. She was going to kill us.

  
Hope twisted her head to face me. “You know why you don’t like this? Because you’re not like them, Josie. You never were. Why do you think I kept everyone away from you?” Her voice sounded angry, but clear. She wasn’t drunk, at least I didn’t think she was, and this was more emotion than I’d experienced from her in years, except for the night of the kiss.

  
She kept everyone away from me? What did that mean? Why?

  
The tires screeched as he rounded another turn, and we drifted into the other lane. I was breathing as fast as the car was speeding now, I was sure. We were going to hit something or flip over!

  
“Stop the fucking car!” I bellowed with the full force of my lungs, pounding my fists on my thighs before hitting her on the arm.

  
The last thing I wanted to do was distract her, driving at a speed like that, but it worked. Hope slammed on the brakes, using some choice words directed at me and down-shifted as she veered to the side of the road and stopped.

  
I scrambled out of the car, and Hope hopped out at the same time. We both leaned over the roof, eye to eye.

  
“Get back in the car.” Hope’s teeth were bared as she growled.

  
“You could’ve killed us!” My throat tightened, and I noticed her furious eyes graze over my ripped shirt that had poked out of the button down I was still wearing.

  
“Get back in the damn car!” She slammed her palm down on the roof, her eyes on fire.

  
“Why?” I asked, tears threatening.

  
“Because you need to go home,” she spat out like ‘duh’.

  
“No.” I shook my head. “Why did you keep everyone away from me?” She’d started this conversation, and I had every intention of finishing it.

  
“Because you didn’t belong with the rest of us. You still don’t.” Hope’s eyes narrowed in disgust, and my heart sunk. She was being deplorable as usual.

  
I hate her.

  
Without another thought, I ducked inside and grabbed Hope’s keys out of the ignition. Rounding the car door, I ran a few yards ahead and unfastened the twist oval key ring. Slipping one of her keys off, I held it in a fist near my face.

  
“What are you doing?” She approached slowly, annoyance evident in her eyes.

  
“One more step, and you’re losing one of your keys. Not sure if it’s the car key, but eventually I’ll get to that one.” I loaded my arm behind my head, ready to toss it at any second. She halted.

  
“I’m not getting in your car. And I’m not letting you leave. We’re not moving from this spot until you’ve told me the truth.”

  
Sweat beaded my brow, even with the temperature down to the mid-sixties. Lips pursed, I waited for her to start.

  
But she didn’t. She looked to be working something out in her head, but I wasn’t about to give her to time to think of some lie to distract me.

  
When I raised my arm to toss the first key, her eyes shot helplessly between me and my fist, while she raised her hand motioning for me to stop.

  
After only a moment’s more hesitation, she finally let out a defeated sigh and met my eyes.

  
“Josie, don’t do this.”

  
“Not the answer I was looking for.” And I flung one of her keys into the brush off to the side of the road.

  
“Dammit, Josie!” she snapped, looking nervously between me and the dark forest where her key had disappeared.

  
I quickly unhooked another key and stuck my hand behind my head ready to catapult it at any second. “Now, talk. Why do you hate me?”

  
“Hate you?” Hope breathed heavily and shook her head. “I never hated you.”

  
What?

  
I was stunned. “Then why? Why did you do all the things you’ve done?”

  
She let out a bitter laugh, knowing she was cornered. “Freshman year, I overheard Danny Stewart saying he was going to ask you to the Halloween dance. I made sure he never did, because he also told his buddies that he couldn’t wait to find out if your tits were more than a handful each.”

  
I cringed in disgust.

  
“I didn’t even think twice about my actions. I spread that rumor about Amy Johnson, because you didn’t belong with Danny. She was a bitch. They all were.”

  
“So you thought you were protecting me? But why would you do that? You already hated me by that point. That was after you’d returned from your dad’s for the summer.” My confusion sprang forth with every syllable. If our friendship had ended by that point, and she didn’t care for me, then why did she care to protect me anymore?

  
“I wasn’t protecting you,” Hope said matter-of-factly, pinning me with a heated stare. “I was jealous.”

  
Flutters attacked my belly. It felt like something was circling a drain in my stomach, the tingles going further and further down.

  
I barely registered her inching forward, stalking closer as I tried to catch my breath. “We got to high school, and all of a sudden, you’ve got all these people liking you. I handled it the only way I knew how.”

  
“By bullying me? That makes no sense. Why didn’t you talk to me?”

  
“I couldn’t.” She wiped her brow before stuffing her hand into her pocket. “I can’t.”

  
“You’re doing fine so far. I want to know why all of this started in the first place. Why did you want to hurt me? The pranks, the black-listing from parties? That wasn’t about other people. What was your problem with me?” I accused her.

  
Her cheeks puffed out as she sighed. “Because you were there. Because I couldn’t hurt who I wanted to hurt, so I hurt you.”

  
That can’t be it. There has to be more.

  
“I was your best friend.” Frustration pushed my patience further away from me. “All these years…” My voice broke off barely containing the tears that pooled in my eyes.

  
“Josie, I had a shitty summer with my dad that year.” Her voice sounded closer. “When I came back, I wasn’t the same kid. Not even close. I wanted to hate everybody. But with you, I still needed you in a way. I needed you to not forget me.” Hope’s voice never cracked, but I could tell there was remorse in her tone.

  
What had happened to her?

  
“Hope, I’ve turned it over and over in my head wondering what I could’ve done to make you act the way you did. And now you tell me that it was all for no reason?” I looked up to meet her eyes.

  
Her body inched closer, but I didn’t care. I wanted to hear more. “You were never clingy or a nuisance, Josie. The day you moved in next door I thought you were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I fucking loved you.” The last was barely a whisper as her eyes dropped to the ground. “Your dad was unloading the moving truck, and I looked out my living room window to see what the noise was. There you were, riding your bike in the street. You were wearing overalls with a red baseball cap. Your hair was spilling down your back.” Hope didn’t meet my eyes with her confession.

  
We’d moved to a new house in town after my mom passed. I remembered seeing Hope for the first time that day. She remembered what I was wearing?

  
_I loved you _.__

__

__A tear spilled over as I closed my eyes._ _

__  
“When you recited your monologue this week, I ….” she drifted off with a sigh. “I knew then that I’d really gotten to you, and instead of feeling any satisfaction, I was angry with myself. I wanted to hate you all these years, I wanted to hate someone. But I didn’t want to hurt you, and I didn’t really realize that until the monologue.”_ _

__  
Suddenly, she was in front of me. Cocking her head to the side, her glistening eyes searched mine. I didn’t know what she looked for, and I didn’t know what I wanted to reveal. I hated her for the years of torment. She threw away everything we had because she was angry at someone else. Needles pierced my throat as I struggled to hold back more tears._ _

__  
“You’re not telling me everything.” My voice cracked, as she reached up to cup my cheek and wipe the tear away with her thumb. Her long fingers were warm on my skin._ _

__  
“No, I’m not.” Her whispering caused tingles to spread over my body, or maybe it was her thumb caressing circles on my cheek. I was becoming light-headed with everything that had happened tonight._ _

__  
“The scars on your back,” I choked out, my eyes fluttering with the sensation of her touch. “You said you had a bad summer, and that when you came back you wanted to hate everybody, but you haven’t treated anyone else as badly as…”_ _

__

__“Josie?” Her lips were inches from mine, and her body radiated heat. “I don’t want to talk any more tonight.”_ _

__  
I blinked and noticed how her body had drawn me in. Or maybe I’d drawn her in. We were like the positive sides of twin magnets again. She was so close now, and she’d eaten the distance between us without me noticing._ _

__  
You’re not getting off that easy._ _

__  
“You don’t want to talk anymore?” I spit out, not quite believing what I heard. “Well, I do.” And I twisted around to launch another key into the air, but Hope’s arms darted out and circled around my body, trapping me from behind._ _

__  
I gasped for breath, while I tried squirm free. Thoughts swirled in my head, and it was hard to latch onto just one. She’d never hated me. I’d done absolutely nothing! Even though I knew that, part of me always thought there had to be a reason. And now she didn’t want to finish her story? I needed to know!_ _

__  
Her solid arms secured me, her breath was hot against my hair as I struggled to move out of her arms. “Shhh, Josie. I won’t hurt you. I’ll never hurt you again. I’m sorry.”_ _

__  
Like that was going to erase everything!_ _

__  
“I don’t care about you being sorry! I hate you.” My hands gripped her forearms, which were braced over my chest as I tried to yank them loose. My anger turned to rage with her mind games and bullshit, and I was sick of the sight of her._ _

__

__Her hold on me lessened as she used her hands to peel the keys out of my fist. She let go of me, and I stepped forward before turning to face her._ _

__  
“You don’t hate me,” she asserted. “If you did, you wouldn’t be this upset.” The cocky twist to her tone made my body stiffen, but I eased up when I felt the sting of my nails dig into my skin._ _

__  
“Go screw yourself,” I snapped and began walking away._ _

__  
Like hell was she going to get the upper hand! She wanted to me to forgive her in one night for years of embarrassment and unhappiness, and then she assumed that I cared about her. She thought she was coming out of this unscathed._ _

__  
What a colossal bitch!_ _

__  
The next thing I knew, my feet were being swept off the ground, and I was upside down. Hope had tossed me over her shoulder, and all the air left my body as her bone dug into my stomach._ _

__  
“Put me down!” The heat of anger was like a blazing fire covering my skin. I kicked my feet and punched her back, but she simply held me tightly by the backs of my knees as she walked back the way we’d come. I knew my skirt covered nothing in this position, but we were alone out here, and I didn’t really care anyway, in my mood._ _

__  
“Hope! Now!” I barked._ _

__  
As if following orders, Hope swung me back up-right where I landed in a sitting position on the hood of her car. It was still warm under my thighs from when it’d been driven, but the heat was not a welcome comfort, since I was already burning with fury._ _

__  
Hope leaned in slowly, probably afraid I’d hit her, and placed her hands on either side of me. Her legs stood between mine, and I immediately flushed with the memory of the last time we were in this position._ _

__  
“Don’t try to get away,” She warned. “As you remember, I can keep you here.”_ _

__  
I sucked in a breath. Yes, I did remember._ _

__  
My toes curled at the thought of that kiss, but I knew it couldn’t happen again._ _

__  
“And I know how to use pepper spray and break noses.” My voice sounded like a pathetic little mouse, squeaky and barely audible. I leaned back on my hands to maintain as much distance as possible, but my heart was pounding like the Rakes of Mallow._ _

__  
“I’m not Connor or Sebastian,” she threatened. “Or Jade.”_ _

__  
And her meaning wasn’t lost on me. I wasn’t attracted to them, and she knew it._ _

__  
She leaned in closer, her blue eyes making my body want to do things my brain knew it shouldn’t. Her lips were an inch from mine, and I could smell her cinnamon breath._ _

__  
I hate her. I hate her._ _

__  
“Don’t,” I whispered._ _

__  
His eyes searched mine. “I promise. Not unless you ask.”_ _

__  
Her mouth dipped to the side and lightly grazed my cheek. Unwanted pleasure escaped my throat, and I let out a little moan._ _

__  
Dammit!_ _

__  
She never kissed me. She never put her lips together or tasted me. Her mouth only glided along my skin leaving a delicious trail of desire and need. Down my cheek, her velvety lips caressed my skin before moving across my jaw bone and then descending to my neck. I closed my eyes, savoring the new sensations._ _

__  
I’d never made love before, and I’d definitely never made out with anyone that made me feel like this. Hell, she wasn’t even kissing me, and I was struggling not to surrender._ _

__  
As her lips moved over my ear, she asked, “Can I kiss you now?”_ _

__  
Oh, God. No. No. No._ _

__  
But I wasn’t saying that. I said nothing. Giving in felt like letting her win. And telling her to stop was out of the question, too. I didn’t want her to stop. She felt too good. Like a roller coaster multiplied times one hundred._ _

__  
Her lips moved back over my cheek, inching closer to my mouth._ _

__  
“I want to touch you.” Her words were against my lips now. “I want to feel what’s mine. What’s always been mine.”_ _

__  
Oh, Jesus._ _

__  
Those words shouldn’t turn me on. But holy hell, they did. My mouth quivered with wanting to take her in. I tasted her breath and wanted to capture and taste all of her. I wanted to fulfill my need._ _

__  
But my eyes snapped open when I realized that it would fulfill her need, too._ _

__  
Shit._ _

__  
I bit down on the corner of my mouth to stifle the ache between my legs, and used my weak muscles to shove her away._ _

__  
I could barely meet her eyes. She knew she’d gotten to me. She had to know._ _

__  
“Stay away from me.” I hopped off the car and walked to the passenger side._ _

__  
I heard her chuckle behind me. “You first.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also btw happy birthday to daylee :D

**Author's Note:**

> Most importantly, this is 10000000% not my story and I had only deleted & added some changes and had italicized & bolded a few words that were necessary just so it fit more for hosie. ALL RIGHTS GO TO PENELOPE DOUGLAS !!!


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